to ask you how to withdraw my help?

[Labonya]

I've posted a couple of times about doing too much and being under appreciated as a step mum. Doing long school runs with a tiny baby in the car too and having very little help with anything else. I'm not going to go in to it as I'm exhausted by it, but I need your help...

My DH has got used to this, and I don't know how I can stop doing these things. I know if I just stop, our relationship will suffer, and I don't want DSD to suffer because of it, but I am really struggling.

How do I explain to him that breastfeeding a baby that isn't sleeping at night and is cluster feeding is totally exhausting? I don't think he realises how hard it is.

How do I tell him I don't want to do ANY school runs anymore. Not for the foreseeable future anyway?

I don't know why I'm so worried about this. I'm anxious, I'm waiting for an appointment with the doctors for post natal anxiety which is spiralling a bit.

I just don't have the energy for an argument.

Not sure what I'm asking for but if anyone could offer any support or words of wisdom it would be greatly appreciated...

Op, that situation sounds tough. It can be so hard to stand up for yourself when you hate confrontation and are exhausted and anxious.
Could you get s professional onside? If you spoke to a health visitor they would definitely side with you. Then your whole argument could centre round “ my hv is dead against me doing this”.
Or tell him you really frightened yourself by nearly causing an accident due to being so tired.
But you know op you have a right to say no to anything that doesn’t sit right with you. You don’t need excuses and reasons . let alone this situation which is an accident waiting to happen.

"I'm not doing the school run any more, you and ExW will have to sort it out between you." If questioned: "It doesn't work for the baby" or "I just don't want to" or "Having to do it is affecting my mental health" or "I just don't want the baby spending that long in the car every week". I know you are tired but I wouldn't make it solely about that otherwise you will have the same battle again in a couple of months. If he tries to bully you into it then call him out on that, e.g. "I don't feel like you're listening to how I'm feeling at the moment".

You need a break, you have to stand up for yourself and tell him your not doing the school runs for the foreseeable future and then don't do them.
You have to be strong. For yourself and your family. X

I wonder why he split from his ex? Can't imagine...

I thought the same, Jux, generally true about every one of these men female MN posters take up with who have kids with 'the ex' - there's plenty of reason why their relationship with the mother of their first child/children ended.

Tell them you fear falling asleep at the wheel and DS screamed the whole way today both ways. So you won't be doing it anymore. I think DSD's mum should be doing the majority of dropping off since she moved away.

Infants are not supposed to be in car seats more than absolutely necessary. That is enough reason to not do a long school run. Add in sleep deprivation and needing to feed the baby and it just doesn’t work right now. You need to stand up for yourself and your child.

If your DH can’t make the run because of work, could he enroll her in some sort of aftercare so he can pick her up later?

OK, let's say you broke your leg, rather than suffering from exhaustion after having a baby. What would your husband do then, to get his daughter to school?

@Quartz2208 . Agree. I won't post on here all the threads at it is not helpful. I sincerely hope the OP reaches out and avails of all the help she needs .

On your previous thread you said DSD's mum was dropping her to you on Thursday evenings. Is that not happening anymore? Your partner needs to arrange his schedule differently so that he can do the pick ups on the contact time that HE requested. Without being rude you are an accident waiting to happen, you can't be driving kids around in such an exhausted state.

OP' is not coming back to thread,just as I said earlier. same pattern.
Harsh but true. When will you learn she does not like her DP being Maligned?! You cannot help those who do not wished to be helped. I sincerely hope OP has reached out to her Gp and HV and is i moving forward in her life

Bump, where had this thread disappeared to?

Why malign the DP? She hasn't told him it's an issue so he may well think everything is fine. OP complains to MN but not DP, she won't hear a bad word against DP and has form for similar posts. She doesn't want to change, she just wants attention.

I read your last post -the one where he turned his phone off so you couldn't back out of it. Play him at his own game and just send him a text tomorrow to say you're not doing it that evening and he'll have to sort it out himself and then turn your phone off so he can't get hold of you and see how he likes it for a change.

Go stay at your mum's again but for longer, so he has to organize [sp?] childcare

I think FannyFanackerpants71 is right.
I’m sure on the last thread OP had a DD with DH and DSS to pick up from school. She’s clearly not taking any advice on board. And all the questions and advice given here, the only reply was that she doesn’t have the HV’s number. Bizarre. As pp said, with a newborn baby, the red book will be full of numbers, she must have had a 6 week check, there’s all sorts of paperwork in the early days. Or you call your GP surgery to ask for the HV number. If OP thinks it’s good advice to talk to someone, why just reply to say you don’t have their number? Just to get sympathy? Be proactive and get the number!

OP have you spoken to your DH yet?

@SingaporeSlinky Thankyou! I have noticed the op has also posted several times this weekend and again today, again diff usernames - various issues loosely based on a theme! Same MO, everyone gives advice .. which is ignored, occasionally OP pops back to pull up a poster with whom she disagrees, then the posters start to turn on each other... OP never returns to thread. I wouldn't mind so much but some (most) of the issues are not really right for AIBU but put here "for traffic" accompanied by colon faces.. :-) :-( There is a parenting/post natal section on here for a reason. I was genuinely worried about "no number for HV" comment on Friday,so reported it. No point keep coming on here when you are repeatedly told to phone HV & GP. They are the best placed people and available in real life to spk & practically help about new baby,baby blues, EBF, cluster feeding, colic, reflux, baby projectile vomited, I have a headache, I have a temp, baby keeps crying, baby won't stop crying , what shall I name my baby, how can I get my figure back, corsets, I have to drive my DSD to sch etc, my DP takes baby upstairs to give me a break and I don't like it, DP does nothing, DP does too much, I need DP to take maternity leave, I want DP to go back to work now, DP's daughter is holding my baby when I think he needs feeding.. shall I use a sling, ok I'll get a dummy, and so it continues. HV and GP or walk in
Centre, as advised at weekend are all best placed to help OP. I genuinely think the OP needs to see her GP and HV. There is something really not right here. Why does OP not have number for HV? To keep posting here, asking and then ignoring our advice about issues that HV would advise is red flagging in my book! Then leaving the thread and then starting a new one is getting really annoying now. Why is our advice the only source of OP's resource pool?! More importantly ,OP clearly needs help and
I genuinely think the OP is reaching out for something. To not have a number for your HV is alarming at best. I don't understand what OP needs us to do? There is something not right here !

I remember your last post, and I also remember that your OH has the option of putting DSD in afterschool club, which would allow him to collect her without changing his working hours.

The solution is the same as it was in your last thread - you need to have a conversation with him where you tell him you won't do the school run anymore. At the moment the arrangements suit both OH and Ex, so neither are going to change if you don't instigate that change.