to ask you how to withdraw my help?

[Labonya]

I've posted a couple of times about doing too much and being under appreciated as a step mum. Doing long school runs with a tiny baby in the car too and having very little help with anything else. I'm not going to go in to it as I'm exhausted by it, but I need your help...

My DH has got used to this, and I don't know how I can stop doing these things. I know if I just stop, our relationship will suffer, and I don't want DSD to suffer because of it, but I am really struggling.

How do I explain to him that breastfeeding a baby that isn't sleeping at night and is cluster feeding is totally exhausting? I don't think he realises how hard it is.

How do I tell him I don't want to do ANY school runs anymore. Not for the foreseeable future anyway?

I don't know why I'm so worried about this. I'm anxious, I'm waiting for an appointment with the doctors for post natal anxiety which is spiralling a bit.

I just don't have the energy for an argument.

Not sure what I'm asking for but if anyone could offer any support or words of wisdom it would be greatly appreciated...

The op has posted previously but so has another lady. The op is not the one with a tiny baby who just did the long school run Fridays and who went to her mums for the weekend, although they have similarly selfish twats of husbands.

I can't believe this is still going on. It isn't going to change until you put your foot down and your relationship is already suffering because your partner treats you like shit.

OP...could a better plan work like this?
Thursday pick up - you undertake this, you will have had a decent few days without journeys. Set off early and plan a tea break when you get there.
Friday AM run - DH does this and meets halfway with his ex for a handover
Friday PM - same as above or a taxi.
I realise this involves cost however it is offset against some of the fuel you'll be spending. The 2 biological parents need to really pull their fingers out on this, at least while your indisposed.

The op is not the one with a tiny baby who just did the long school run Fridays and who went to her mums for the weekend

Isn't she? I thought she too did the Thursday night/twice on Fridays school run?

It is detrimental to both you and your baby and it will only get worse. No toddler will put up with that long in a car so often (and nor should they).

You either put your foot down or you have a breakdown.

He'll notice then...

OP...could a better plan work like this?...

No. A better plan is the biological parents working out how they're going to facilitate contact.

How much time does he spend with his DD between getting home on Thursday and Saturday morning?

I think you go to GP explain how you are feeling and ask for help

I think you go to GP explain how you are feeling and ask for help

How's the GP going to help with the school run or sorting out OP's useless h???

I meant help with how she is feeling about everything baby, feeding lack of sleep and maybe PND

Not with her plonker of a DP/DH

Meh. Don't be a wet blanket OP. 3 adults (all with driving licences), 3 runs with the DsD.....offer to do one of those runs max to help out and get a babysitter while you do it (feed expressed milk) while you do one run per week. That's what I'd offer but no more. They're taking the piss.

It's not a sustainable situation anyway long term. Presumably you're going to want to have your little one go to a toddler group, that kind of thing. Can't spend whole life being ferried around in a car fgs. It's the ex that's put you in this situation and not adjusted her daughter's schooling plans.

This is not sustainable.
You don't have to be confrontational, there were excellent suggestions above about how to word it to him. Just be matter of fact, or go to your mum for a week and see how they manage without you.
He and the ex must work this out.

No. A better plan is the biological parents working out how they're going to facilitate contact

the OP's husband has been through court for this contact. It is his responsibility alone to manage contact time, driving arrangements. It is nothing at all to do with the child's mother. How many times do we need to say this?

If you just say you are depressed or anxious to the GP you could be labelled as having PN D which will influence your care with this and future babies, if it is actually unsupportive DH problem make sure you say that.

I haven't RTFT but can you tell your DH that the doctor has advised you to do no more driving until you are more rested, and in fact you should be doing a lot less in general for your's and the baby's welbeing.

Then just stop doing the school runs. Let the biological parents sort it out.

I’m sorry op but you just need to blurt it out and deal with him sulking and showing his arse about it. Get it out in the open :

Dh, I’m no longer doing the school run for dsd.

Then step back and wait for him to respond. If he asks why or bleats he can’t simoly say ‘I’m exhausted and it’s dangerous’ and keep repeating. If he wants to see his dd he’ll sort it. He’s going to get annoyed and sulk etc regardless of how you approach it so it’s bust just to blurt it out

Can't you just tell him exactly what you've written here? He's your husband... not a stranger?

What happened last week op? You went to your mums? Did you not say no more then and discuss it?

As horrid as it is you need to take a stand as your H isn't listening to you.

I wonder how many women diagnosed with PND really have Lazy Twat Husband Syndrome instead.

There's a good reason your H is divorced, there usually is with these men, and you're seeing it right now. He's a controlling twat.

again...
FACT
DRIVING WHILE FATIGUED IS AS DANGEROUS AS DRIVING DRUNK FACT
DRIVING WHILE FATIGUED WILL INVALIDATE YOUR INSURANCE
FACT
DRIVING WHILE FATIGUED COULD KILL YOU, YOUR CHILD, YOUR STEP CHILD AND POSSIBLY OTHER INNOCENT ROAD USERS... THAT WOULD BE YOUR FAULT!

Tell him this weekend you are no longer going to do the school runs, he will need to make arrangements because I AM NO LONGER DOING THE SCHOOL RUNS
then on Wednesday go off to your mothers until Saturday and when you return tell him this will be a weekly thing until he understands I AM NOT DOING THE SCHOOL RUN!

I read the last thread

You need to change the contact, Fri-Sun only.

No Thursday pick ups anymore, they decided to keep the Thursday club.

If they want the routine to continue then DH does the Thursday collection and the Friday morning school drop off.

If you decide, you could do just the Friday evening pick up but DH should be doing that too in my view.

@jellygumboots how would they ever prove how much sleep you have had?

I don’t think it is your problem to sort out. You never agreed to this to begin with, but were willing to assist even when the mother moved much further away. But now you have a young baby, it is no longer possible for you to do it. Similarly, it will be hard to spend that amount of time in the car with a toddler in future. I would just withdraw altogether.

It is for the parents to sort out and yes, the mother moved so she should assist in facilitating. You either keep contact as it is and the mother or father have to take time off work to undertake the journeys or contact becomes Friday (from whenever her dad can pick her up from home after work if he can’t leave early to get her from school) to Sunday.

Make it clear you are exhausted and suffering PND and remove yourself from this arrangement. The childs parents will have to make alternative arrangements.

You can see a hv at baby clinic, but better to phone and ask her to visit.
Hope you have spoken to dh. Don't let him bully you

For the week night contact, he could finish work early, drive to dsd, take her out round there, drive back.

@TheWiseWomansFear
www.brake.org.uk/news/15-facts-a-resources/facts/485-driver-tiredness
they all smart n shit
Loads of articles online, some in medical journals and gov sites too, above is a UK one