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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The poor woman and the seat situation on the bus

185 replies

A1aia · 28/11/2018 15:28

I was on the bus with DH just now. He was standing in the front area and I had just sat down on one of the priority seats when a couple, I would say in their late 50s, got on. The woman put all her bags in the bag compartment, but she was bent over it and looked exhausted or ill. I stood up as I was in a priority seat and then, to my disbelief, quick as a flash, the DH swished by me and plonked himself down! People were looking and I didn’t know what to say. DH said, “I think your wife might need that seat.” This is what followed, I couldn’t believe it..,”She’s dragged me out so mind your own fg business mate.” Shock. DH asked the woman if she was ok and she looked close to tears. Another woman got up from one of the raised seats in the side and DH told the man he should be ashamed. The man went into a tirade about being an ex miner and “mind your own business you fng toff.” I have never seen anything like it on buses in my life. DH told him to stop offending the bus. The man was shouting and swearing - he accused DH of standing over him and threatening him and was saying he had a whole bus of witnesses. DH had to stand over him though because there was nowhere to sit! This went on for about 5 mins and when we got off the man shouted “f off you c*s.”
AIBU to think DH was not wrong to tell this man to give his wife a seat? We were only on the bus because the Westfield parking is so bad, but I was shaking I was so livid with this man’s attitude. Nobody else on the bus said anything.

OP posts:
SpottingTheZebras · 28/11/2018 15:31

That man sounds awful. I hope he isn’t the sort to go home and take it out on his wife (assuming they are married).

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/11/2018 15:32

no one ever says anything on public transport, us Brits are so bloody pathetic when it comes to these situations. I've stood up to many people on buses, (preacher screaming at us after work, a young guy playing music without headphones)- and grown men/ women just pretend they cant see or hear what's going on, daren't cause a scene.
Poor woman, good on ya OH.

Sirzy · 28/11/2018 15:34

Yes your dh was wrong. Unless you know his medical history and know he doesn’t need it then mind your own business!

A1aia · 28/11/2018 15:38

Do you really think that behaviour is acceptable though Sirzy?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 28/11/2018 15:39

What having a go at strangers on a bus? No

Strumpetpumpet · 28/11/2018 15:40

Poor woman, her husband sounds vile. Well done to your DH and what a pity others on the bus didn’t support you x

Snowwontbelong · 28/11/2018 15:41

Twatism isn't a recognised condition.
The driver should have thrown him off.

Bananacloud · 28/11/2018 15:44

Not sure really. Not without knowing all the facts. Perhaps the old man had a medical condition? Perhaps he was more tired than the lady? You’ll never know

A1aia · 28/11/2018 15:46

Thankyou. I know IANBU and I’m just ranting in outrage really. I feel sorry for the woman at home if that’s what he’s like in public. Things can escalate so quickly on public transport.

OP posts:
Lydiaatthebarre · 28/11/2018 15:47

Your DH was right.

If the other man really needed the seat he could have explained politely, not made a scene. Surely he realised that grabbing a priority seat while his exhausted wife stood was going to look bad?

bringbacksideburns · 28/11/2018 15:48

Welcome to the great British public in 2018.

Lydiaatthebarre · 28/11/2018 15:48

"Perhaps he was more tired than the lady? "

So that excuses shouting, using bad language and not even checking if his wife needed the seat before grabbing it for himself?

A1aia · 28/11/2018 15:50

“Welcome to the great British public in 2018”

Yes exactly. When can I emigrate?

OP posts:
UnknownStuntman · 28/11/2018 15:50

Unfortunately, you've pretty much guaranteed the poor woman a beating when they get home.

Yulebealrite · 28/11/2018 15:51

He was obviously not wrong to say what he did or the other lady wouldn't have offered the woman her seat. I suspect the whole bus were judging him and supporting your DH.

KlutzyDraconequus · 28/11/2018 15:51

I'd be concerned, considering the guys attitude towards his wife and aggressive language, that he is an abusive arse to her behind closed doors.
Trouble with what your DH has done is that it might lead to her being punished for it.

ladydickisathingapparently · 28/11/2018 15:53

Poor woman, whatever the situation.

I was waiting to pay for some shopping a while back behind an elderly couple who were packing up their shopping. The man was so rude and critical to the woman, I could see her eyes had filled with tears. So I said “here, let me help too” and grabbed a bag. The man literally snarled in my face “don’t think you’re getting anything for it.” Maybe he was ill. In pain. Maybe he was a bad tempered twat who’d made her life a misery. I don’t know. But it was horrible to see her pain.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2018 15:53

Well done to your dh, the husband sounds like a nasty abusive prick, god knows what goes on behind closed doors if he is like this in public. The poor woman Sad.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2018 15:54

I agree, bet the poor woman is in for a what for when they get home Sad.

CloserIAm2Fine · 28/11/2018 15:55

YANBU

it’s impossible to know if he has a medical condition that meant he needed the seat more than the woman. And I understand that people with invisible disabilities shouldn’t have to constantly explain themselves and their medical history. However, if he did, he should have just said “I actually really need to sit down myself” without the foul language and abuse.

From his reaction I would guess he’s just a huge knob. Poor woman!

A1aia · 28/11/2018 15:58

I hope we haven’t caused trouble for this woman. Imagine living like that.
I don’t think many men would push by and sit in a seat that was obviously offered for their wife. He did not look in poor health and was not elderly - mid to late 50s, I would guess. DH is 48 fgs. It’s shocking when that kind of foul language comes out if a mature person. How have they reached that point in their life with that kind of attitude?

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 28/11/2018 15:59

She may get punished but hopefully it will also show her she deserves better.

AdamNichol · 28/11/2018 16:00

Had this debate when Chris Kamara was on Room 101 - his choice was men who don't auto-reliquish their seat for women on public transport.

IMO - for disabled, baby-on-board, etc I think the seat should be offered. Elsewise, I'm loath to say that by virtue of gender alone, one person is more entitled to the seat.

In this instance, for all you know, a person has been obliged to go on what sounds like a shopping trip that caused them leg or back pain. They then take a free seat only for the vacating stranger to start arguing with them about who's allowed to sit there. There's also a huge assumption of the OP and DH part that the wife is a) not capable of looking after her own needs, and b) needs DH to intervene on her behalf.

CaMePlaitPas · 28/11/2018 16:00

Imagine being married to that. That poor woman needs more than a seat, she needs a divorce.

TheFuckfaceWhisperer · 28/11/2018 16:01

Perhaps the old man had a medical condition

Jesus, I hope I don’t get referred to as “the old woman” when I’m in my 50s!

He sounds awful OP, good on your DH for at least trying to get through to him. Sadly some people have no shame and don’t actually see much wrong with their actions because in their head they’re right about everything.

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