The poor woman and the seat situation on the bus

[A1aia]

I was on the bus with DH just now. He was standing in the front area and I had just sat down on one of the priority seats when a couple, I would say in their late 50s, got on. The woman put all her bags in the bag compartment, but she was bent over it and looked exhausted or ill. I stood up as I was in a priority seat and then, to my disbelief, quick as a flash, the DH swished by me and plonked himself down! People were looking and I didn’t know what to say. DH said, “I think your wife might need that seat.” This is what followed, I couldn’t believe it..,”She’s dragged me out so mind your own fg business mate.” . DH asked the woman if she was ok and she looked close to tears. Another woman got up from one of the raised seats in the side and DH told the man he should be ashamed. The man went into a tirade about being an ex miner and “mind your own business you fng toff.” I have never seen anything like it on buses in my life. DH told him to stop offending the bus. The man was shouting and swearing - he accused DH of standing over him and threatening him and was saying he had a whole bus of witnesses. DH had to stand over him though because there was nowhere to sit! This went on for about 5 mins and when we got off the man shouted “f off you c*s.”
AIBU to think DH was not wrong to tell this man to give his wife a seat? We were only on the bus because the Westfield parking is so bad, but I was shaking I was so livid with this man’s attitude. Nobody else on the bus said anything.

I have been abused in a bus and nobody said anything. The driver said nothing. It was by teenagers. DH has had to defend himself from attacks which he managed very well but the police didn't know who started it because all staff and customers at the shop didn't see anything Later the police also pretended that the camera had not been placed properly so the footage only showed DH attacking, in direct contradiction to their ealrier statements and reassurements.

YANBU. It really is pathetic.

Unfortunately, you've pretty much guaranteed the poor woman a beating when they get home.

Of course. We must never blame the abuser.

This is such a good example of the kind of language the media uses to talk about Domestic Violence. So passive and no mention of the abuser. The woman will get a beating. You've guaranteed it. No mention of the person doing the beating at all.

Yes you did right as did he.

Although I would have been tempted to reply 'Clearly you are still underground and very much a neanderthal and this lady is a saint to put up with you -no one else would put up with your foul behaviour' - I'd have offered her to come with me -and report his behaviour or pass her the number for women aid but if we do nothing we condone it.

*“Welcome to the great British public in 2018”

Yes exactly. When can I emigrate?*.

What's stopping you?

Thanks for all the comments about yesterday - just catching up.

I can report that I was on a short bus ride again today (Hammersmith to Barnes) and when an elderly couple got on, the whole front of the bus went to move. Plus I’d been on the packed Central Line and when a seat became free, three young men in their twenties ushered me towards it - and Im 42 and not disabled or looking too shattered (I hope)! I do actually think most men are still gents and most people are decent in general in London / Britain. I won’t emigrate yet, Tiger! I’m originally from Spain but have been here a long time and it’s my children’s home (and mine). I just felt so desperately sorry for that woman yesterday because she looked so sad and alone. Maybe I should have asked her to come home with us, but I doubt that would have gone own well.

That woman will get the blame now for your husband butting in. I would have said very loudly well chivalry is well and truly dead imagine nicking your wife’s seat!!

I’m in my thirties and have a severe nerve condition caused by brain surgery that puts me in pain on the daily.... though no one would know it to look at me UNTIL I get to the point (as it seems that lady had) where I can no longer function and I slump over in pain.

My partner who is an EXTREMELY hard worker (laborious and mentally draining LONG houred job as the director of our business) has his own issues such as back pain and just generally being fatigued due to a high stress environment 24/7.

He isn’t a sympathetic person and struggles with empathy. It’s just how he was brought up and how he has always been BUT I can garuntee you that he would give me that seat in a heartbeat even if he thought I was having a relatively good day and if there was no seat available he would go out of his way to find one. He would do the exact same thing even if he was also having a bad day from a rough day at work!

We don’t know what the situation is BUT from the way it was described, the woman was in clear need and her partner (if that’s who he was) put himself first. I think that’s disgusting and without even knowing her (or whether she was a right twat leading up to that event) believe she deserves better.

My DH would have done the same thing, as would I. I often find myself speaking up in situations where I see something I think is very wrong BUT it does lead to confrontation..... YANBU, and I hope she feels better knowing that others see she should be treated better.

Perhaps this guy did give her another mouthful when he got home, but just maybe he had time to reevaluate what an absolute toss bag he was being to his Mrs and everyone around him and might actually learn something from the situation. (Doubt it but one can only hope)!

This is one of the main reasons I hate using public transport!

What an awful man and a horrible thing to go through.

Sadly there are horrid people about OP and her DH had the misfortune to come into contact with one.

But most people are nice. I commuted daily in central London whilst pregnant and on crutches with SPD and was ALWAYS offered a seat without fail. On the odd occasion I travelled with a buggy I received so much assistance, remember standing at the bottom of a tube stairway and a man walking past fast didn't even look at me or say anything just picked up one end of the buggy so I could hold the other and we carried it up the steps then he kept walking without looking back!

Feel genuinely sorry for this woman. She probably has a shocking life with this man. I imagine that what you saw was just a glimpse of an ongoing situation that has probably been happening for years. If he can behave like such an obnoxious bully in public, I can't even begin to imagine how he treats her in the privacy of their home.

Very sad for her.

From what you describe, she seems to be completely downtrodden and clearly feels she has no other options, other than staying with him. Hopefully they don't have kids and aren't creating another generation of dysfunction.