The poor woman and the seat situation on the bus

[A1aia]

I was on the bus with DH just now. He was standing in the front area and I had just sat down on one of the priority seats when a couple, I would say in their late 50s, got on. The woman put all her bags in the bag compartment, but she was bent over it and looked exhausted or ill. I stood up as I was in a priority seat and then, to my disbelief, quick as a flash, the DH swished by me and plonked himself down! People were looking and I didn’t know what to say. DH said, “I think your wife might need that seat.” This is what followed, I couldn’t believe it..,”She’s dragged me out so mind your own fg business mate.” . DH asked the woman if she was ok and she looked close to tears. Another woman got up from one of the raised seats in the side and DH told the man he should be ashamed. The man went into a tirade about being an ex miner and “mind your own business you fng toff.” I have never seen anything like it on buses in my life. DH told him to stop offending the bus. The man was shouting and swearing - he accused DH of standing over him and threatening him and was saying he had a whole bus of witnesses. DH had to stand over him though because there was nowhere to sit! This went on for about 5 mins and when we got off the man shouted “f off you c*s.”
AIBU to think DH was not wrong to tell this man to give his wife a seat? We were only on the bus because the Westfield parking is so bad, but I was shaking I was so livid with this man’s attitude. Nobody else on the bus said anything.

I think he just didn’t like being called out
you think?
he wasnt just called out he was humiliated in front of a group of people, this man has no interest in doing whats fair and reasonable, he does what he wants and no-one is allowed to challenge him

his rage will take some time to subside

If the rude man wouldn't give the seat to his wife willingly he was hardly going to give it to her just because your DH asked him to. So actually I don't think your DH should not have said anything because he has probably just made things worse for her.

Doing the best thing in a bad situation is sometimes hard, sadly men usually go straight to confrontation rather than thinking first.

Wordthe is absolutely right.

the Bus driver should of got involved

Should have

And no, the bus driver should not have got involved.

And no, the bus driver should not have got involved

why not?.

Some might see a contrary point of view as defending the indefensible, but there are plenty of other threads here bemoaning the unwelcome intervention of random strangers at the tail end of something

'I'm an ex miner'

this means

'I could knock you out now if I wanted to'

I don't mean to criticize because most of us just dont instinctively understand the dynamics of the situation, we think this man just needs to politely be shown the error of his ways and he will naturally want to do the decent thing.

His 'natural' response is to punish those who have dared to challenge him
that's the creature he is

It's what happens when you mix with the great unwashed

No, but anyone with a bit of consideration will look up now and again to make sure there isn't somebody in need of a seat left to stand, while they sit comfortably enjoying their phone or kindle.

Maybe you don't travel on the tube often but it gets really packed and you can't always see everyone even if you 'look up now and then'. If you need a seat just ask. I've never seen anyone denied a seat who has asked.

why not?

Well a few years ago I bus driver I worked with got involved. He ended up with a knife wound and DLA. His job was to drive a bus. Not to be a bouncer. The advice regarding trouble on the bus would be to call the police. This however, was a small altercation, which ended without any need for intervention from the bus driver.

Surely he realised that grabbing a priority seat while his exhausted wife stood was going to look bad?

he intended to make his wife feel worthless and humiliated

Wordthe - yes I think you might be right and that’s why I was so wound up tbh. He was either trying to make his wife feel worthless or punish her for something. He kept going on about the miner thing - as if that was relevant - “do you know what a mine is?” DH said, “I don’t care,” so this was winding him up more, and DH does have a way of looking at people, but you can’t walk away on a bus. The wife said nothing and looked so exhausted I felt sorry for her. It’s scary really that this is how people live and they walk among you in the buses, appearing normal until challenged.

Well done Mr A1. I think that buses often have security cameras. So it might not be too late to report the man's aggressive behaviour if you want to.

I would report it, personally. If the man is actually abusive towards the woman it would be good to have this sort of behaviour on independent record. Even if he's not abusive towards her, he should stop verbally abusing strangers.

he intended to make his wife feel worthless and humiliated

^^

Absolutely this

Op your husband was absolutely right. I wish more men were like him. The poor woman.

Good idea to still report it even now.

It's the kind of thing I can imagine my ea ex husband doing if he'd decided I needed to be made to feel small.

I doubt he would realise it as he seemed so wrapped up in his own ego but although he intended to make his wife feel worthless and humiliated he just made himself look like a pathetic gobshite.

just made himself look like a pathetic gobshite
yes he did, and when he gets home he will knock 7 shades of shit (excuse my crass phrase) out of his wife to punish her for this public humiliation which he will regard as her fault

Op your husband was absolutely right
no, all he has done is put the wife in EXTREME danger

people on this thread seem pleased that this abusive man got his comeuppance, but what you fail to appreciate is that he will vent his fury on his wife
calling him out seems like the right thing to do but it is counterproductive.
I think we need the some sort of public information thing so that people are aware of what to do in these situation

I doubt he would realise it
he wont realize it because he is not the sort to spend time consciously reflecting on his behaviour...he doesnt have the cognitive capacity for that kind of thing!

He functions mostly via knee jerk/ instinctive reactions, he understands instinctively how to humiliate and dominate people and he does it because it 'feeds' him, makes him feel powerful etc

Thats where I think we may not be able to completely agree.

There's a broad spectrum of emotionally
Abusive men who want to make their wives feel crap when they so desire but wouldn't actually use violence. I'm not saying this is one jot better but I don't think we can say x or y will then have happened.

Just put that in bold in case anyone comes on and says "oh that's alright then", as his isn't what I'm saying.

Why didn’t I ask for a seat? Because I was tired and didn’t feel like being confrontational. Those people sitting in seats which are priority seats really ought to have been looking for someone who needed it more than them.

A man who behaves like that towards another man in public has no compunctions about escalating to violence in private with his partner

That's the problem, too many people with a huge imagination. Nobody has any idea what the truth is

Too fucking bad! You act like an absolute prick in public then expect to be judged for it. Most people won’t tie themselves up in knots trying to find excuses for arseholes.

@Angelsins you are spectacularly spot on

I hate people who tell others when to give up their seats. My latevfather had MS and sometimes his legs would give way without warning. Sitting in the bus somevdaft bunt told hinge should be giving up his seat for ladies as thatbwhatba gentleman should do. He told her ‘I have MS I am very ill but you look healthy so why haven’t you offered you seat?

But did he then become aggressive and intimidating and start shouting and swearing? No. That's the difference.