The poor woman and the seat situation on the bus

[A1aia]

I was on the bus with DH just now. He was standing in the front area and I had just sat down on one of the priority seats when a couple, I would say in their late 50s, got on. The woman put all her bags in the bag compartment, but she was bent over it and looked exhausted or ill. I stood up as I was in a priority seat and then, to my disbelief, quick as a flash, the DH swished by me and plonked himself down! People were looking and I didn’t know what to say. DH said, “I think your wife might need that seat.” This is what followed, I couldn’t believe it..,”She’s dragged me out so mind your own fg business mate.” . DH asked the woman if she was ok and she looked close to tears. Another woman got up from one of the raised seats in the side and DH told the man he should be ashamed. The man went into a tirade about being an ex miner and “mind your own business you fng toff.” I have never seen anything like it on buses in my life. DH told him to stop offending the bus. The man was shouting and swearing - he accused DH of standing over him and threatening him and was saying he had a whole bus of witnesses. DH had to stand over him though because there was nowhere to sit! This went on for about 5 mins and when we got off the man shouted “f off you c*s.”
AIBU to think DH was not wrong to tell this man to give his wife a seat? We were only on the bus because the Westfield parking is so bad, but I was shaking I was so livid with this man’s attitude. Nobody else on the bus said anything.

Cant believe the people defending the bloke because he "might" have had a bad back or whatever. If that was the case there was no reason why he or indeed his partner couldn't have explained - he wasn't the one looking tired and ill. My guess is that because he didn't want to come out he was throwing a massive strop. Yes he may have taken it out on her when they got home but hopefully it would show her that his behaviour was out of order. One of these days he will kick off to the wrong person and get lamped one.

Wordthe - I think we need the some sort of public information thing so that people are aware of what to do in these situations I agree with you.
It is when we don't know what to say that we stand there looking and feeling useless.
I was once trained to tell children to say to adults "You've got your body. I don't want you to touch mine" and I wished I had known this phrase when I was in a bus situation and I was assaulted. I didn't know what to say and no-one else said anything either.

A cashier made a remark to my cousin who was waiting at the disabled-only till in front of a person in a wheelchair. "Aren't you ashamed?" and she replied "Don't worry, I am also a disabled person". Which she was. The situation was politely dealt with and everyone was happy. I asked her about her great answer and she said she had given it a lot of thought about what to say in different situations.

BarbarianMum

Men who hit their wives beat them when they want to beat them. If this guy wanted to beat that poor woman, he'd have found a reason whether anyone challenged him or not.

Exactly this!
Im a domestic violence worker and actually, although this incident may cause repercussions at home, it's extremely likely the beating would have happened anyway. The difference in this situation is that the woman heard someone stick up to her husband. Often just hearing someone else, especially a stranger, call out the behaviour of the perpetrator is a big wake up call and prompt the victim to leave.

So actually, though the woman might have been beaten maybe he saved her life in the long run?

But we don't actually know he's an abuser, he could just be a dickhead. Maybe you DH shouldnt have called him out and probably shouldn't have carried on winding him up though I don't know when to shut my mouth either his behaviour was unacceptable.

@CheesyWeez

I love thoses responses!! Both the you have your body one (which I'm definitely teaching my kids)
And also the don't worry I'm disabled too. I have a hidden disability and look "normal" so I often get looks and occasional comments, especially if I use the disabled loo.

I cant see where your dh was being unreasonable he was trying to help

Cant believe the people defending the bloke because he "might" have had a bad back or whatever. If that was the case there was no reason why he or indeed his partner couldn't have explained

Cant believe people have labeled him a wife beater because he didn't explain.

It works both ways. Nobody knows.

Empmalswa, of course it was up to Op's dh who he gave his seat up for, he could have continued to sit in it and not given it up for anyone if he wanted. It was entirely his choice to give it up for the woman not her h and no matter which if the two actually needed it more he decideed that the wife would be the beneficiary of his generosity not the h.

He just got up a bit too quickly that's all.

Your DH was right. You had given up your seat for a specific person who in your estimation looked in need. The obnoxious man took advantage of your kindness. There wouldn't be much your DH could have done other than express his disgust. These kind of people cannot be reasoned with and they think of themself first. Gold star to your DH.

I have a hidden disability

I've seen this phrase on the accessible loo door in Sainsbury's and on a sticker on various cars in BB spaces.

She will probably get a hammering this evening alright. Did the wife speak at any point?

It is indefensible, you have to judge a situation yourself at the time. OPs DH seems to have done right thing. To those twisting reality to back up their own dream story maybe go more over the top. She was a convicted alien criminal sentenced to be the slave of an elderly cummudgeon for the rest of time and he was a retired hero from the planet Zarg that hasn't got used to the English language.... Sorry but these naysayers should at least be imaginative

I'm envious of you having your DH! Mine would never do that. In fact, once at the tube station he got in a strop because I managed to find a seat and he had to stand, it wasn't even for long as tubes come pretty frequently. He said I shouldn't have sat down and left him standing as it wasn't fair on him. Really, who does that?

Welcome to the great British public in 2018.

And one of the many reasons why people won't use public transport.

Most people nowadays, are hesitant to intervene and potentially escalate a given situation, that could become confrontational. You only have to watch the news or read the papers. There are plenty of horror stories of people being physically attacked or even stabbed, for not minding their own business.

A1aia, you were perfectly right to intervene and those who criticised you should be ashamed of themselves. If the man was mentally ill he should not have been on the bus and if he was likely to take his ire out on his wife, neither is that your responsibility. He is either mad or bad and you did your duty as a good citizen. If more people stood up in public for what is right then we wouldn’t be in the moral mess in which we find ourselves.

This didn’t happen on a bus. But I was in a shopping Center once when a young guy started head butting his girlfriend. Into the glass window of a shop. Like I said. Shopping Center. Over 1000 people around. Not one person said one word. I ran over. Whilst holding my daughter (who was about 1 at the time) and shouted at him to stop. He then cane after me. I ran away. But it has always Astounded me that not one person. Not one. Said anything to him when he did this to the girl. Or to me. Who had a child in my arms. I rang the police. Who could t do anything as said girl didn’t want to press charges. But it turns out he then went outside and assaulted a young lad. Then did the police get invoked.

I think what your dh did was fantastic. We need more people to step up for others in times of need. He should be proud. That man should be ashamed!

I just wanted to add. I was worried I’d make things worse for the girl. But apparently the shock of some stranger shouting at him. Stopped him from doing anything more. And then I heard from the police she got away. Thank goodness.

No, please re read the post. The seat was Vacated for the wife, not The d-bag male she was with. His medical condition is inconsequential. It's intent of the person vacating the seat. Much the same as a parking space that a person is waiting for (with directional flashing) and someone else takes the space before the person waiting can pull into it. The screamer was dead wrong and I bet this isn't the first time he's been confronted in public.

Did anyone speak to the woman? She needs help.
He’s probably given her a beating when they got home and blamed you guys.

UnknownStuntman - come on!

Unfortunately, you've pretty much guaranteed the poor woman a beating when they get home.

No, sole responsibility for that lies with the bullying tosser on the bus.

So everyone should just ignore everything they see out on the street, ignore bad/violent/antisocial behaviour? Really?

OP, good for you for calling him out, he sounds awful.

If someone stands up to offer a seat to someone looking as if they need it, and some other silly bugger sits down in it, then yes, it's justified to make a comment like 'Errr sorry but I have left my seat for the woman, not you..'

This guy clearly has an anger issue. I think more people should speak up about disgusting manners and more people might start to be ashamed of their own behaviour.

I do think the driver ought to have kicked him off though- not acceptable because it was verbal abuse and intimidating other passengers.

No, The abuser is responsible for their own acts of abuse. No one except the perpetrator CAUSES or guarantees an act of abuse upon another, FYI

Jesus the amount of folk on this thread gleefully informing the OP that her husband’s decent actions have “guaranteed that woman gets what for tonight”

Fuck you all. Abusers will abuse. Stop diverting blame.

No, why are people that behave admirably expected to roll over and be silent to people that cuss, behave rudely and act like , for lack of a better description, a turd? No confront, combat and call out rude, hurtful demeaning behavior. Rolling over and staying silent allows the wrong doers to believe that they are right and it allows them to go on and behave that way to other unsuspecting People.

oh god !!!!! the bus from westfield makes you want to end it all !!!!
it’s normal everyday occurrence .
my tip
avoid area at all
costs until at least next April !!