The poor woman and the seat situation on the bus

[A1aia]

I was on the bus with DH just now. He was standing in the front area and I had just sat down on one of the priority seats when a couple, I would say in their late 50s, got on. The woman put all her bags in the bag compartment, but she was bent over it and looked exhausted or ill. I stood up as I was in a priority seat and then, to my disbelief, quick as a flash, the DH swished by me and plonked himself down! People were looking and I didn’t know what to say. DH said, “I think your wife might need that seat.” This is what followed, I couldn’t believe it..,”She’s dragged me out so mind your own fg business mate.” . DH asked the woman if she was ok and she looked close to tears. Another woman got up from one of the raised seats in the side and DH told the man he should be ashamed. The man went into a tirade about being an ex miner and “mind your own business you fng toff.” I have never seen anything like it on buses in my life. DH told him to stop offending the bus. The man was shouting and swearing - he accused DH of standing over him and threatening him and was saying he had a whole bus of witnesses. DH had to stand over him though because there was nowhere to sit! This went on for about 5 mins and when we got off the man shouted “f off you c*s.”
AIBU to think DH was not wrong to tell this man to give his wife a seat? We were only on the bus because the Westfield parking is so bad, but I was shaking I was so livid with this man’s attitude. Nobody else on the bus said anything.

I think your husband was wrong for getting involved in other people's bussiness like that

Too right! Everybody should just turn a blind eye to everything. That’s the correct thing to do when faced with a situation you don’t feel comfortable with...

•heavy sarcasm•

I was on a tube 39 weeks pregnant (massive) and no one offered me a seat. Then a young man just announced to the carriage that everyone should be ashamed of themselves letting a heavily pregnant woman stand. Suddenly I had multiple offers of a seat and embarrassed looks......

Your husband behaved like a gentleman, something this other man did not. Imagine how grim that poor woman's life must be with someone like that! Shocking! He needed to learn some manners and his wife needs to learn the number of a decent divorce lawyer. Sadly, she is probably too cowed by him to even think that way. I always get up for male or female if disabled or look unsteady or just not well. I stand up for women who are pregnant, the elderly or either sex, people carrying infants/toddlers or very small children, people who are injured and have crutches/slings or anyone that says they desperately need to sit. There is simply no excuse for this sort of vile behaviour. Hats off to you and your husband for being decent people. You did your best but sadly so many people these days are either full of self-entitlement, angry, rude/ill mannered that it doesn't surprise me that you had such a nasty experience.

If more people bothered to get involved in unacceptable situations then nasty, arrogant, mouthy people that the poor woman's husband wouldnt act like this, and act like they are king pin when their behaviour is questioned. Well done your DH

I was on a crowded bus and an older lady got on. A young man stood so she could sit down.

When she thanked him he proudly said, 'You are welcome, I'm Australian'. I wondered if he was just promoting his country or if he had noticed how bloody rude people are in London, given that the English queue has died out and it has become a free for all to get on public transport, crushing the weak and elderly into the ground on the way.

I was on a tube 39 weeks pregnant (massive) and no one offered me a seat.

Didn’t you ask for one?

Ffs only on mumsnet 'maybe he had a hidden disability'.

Maybe. Definitely possible. But more likely he was just an arse.

I suspect if he had a hidden disability his wife would have said 'no i'm fine he needs it more than me' and/or the husband would have said (to OP's DH) 'thanks for your concern but i' m unsteady on my feet and need this seat'.

Polite but curt and firm. Not f'ing and blinding on the bus like some alcoholic degenerate.

Toff?

Was the man the artful dodgers dad or something?

Thankyou for all the perspectives and I’m so sorry for the posters who have said they were with similar men at a previous point. Tbh I wanted to say something to him myself, but I was so stunned and then DH chipped in. I just find it very depressing more than anything else. You would think older people would know better. Plus imagine swearing like that on a full bus. Maybe he had mental health issues, I guess?

I agree Dexy, it astounding, sometimes I think that Mumsnet is a parallel universe Only on here, where the partner of the woman was clearly a prick, could there be responses such as "he could have a hidden disability" or "maybe she could have been bad to him"

Good on op dh for intervening, and not turning a blind eye, it takes a community and all that.

People are so desperate to explain away fecklessness, rudeness, brattish children, entitlement.... Urgh. When will it stop?

Yes your dh was wrong. Unless you know his medical history and know he doesn’t need it then mind your own business!

It is OP's business because she gave her seat up for a specific person and another person took it. While some people have hidden disabilities they should just say politely they need a seat not act aggressively.

I cannot understand at all why some posters go out of their way to defend such behaviour from the verbally abusive man here. He certainly should have been thrown off the bus and I would actually consider making a complaint to the bus company.

What is it that drives such people to defend such outright awful behaviour??. Is it because they grew up seeing verbal abuse at home and therefore regard it as "normal"?.

sounds the couple I encountered today in Aldi's. He had to go on and on about how she never brings the correct food home and how everything she cooks is wrong. It continued along the road as well. Everything you could think to gripe over he did it. I wonder if it was the same people. They didn't have one of those shopping bag trolleys did they?

“i'd have had a beating for that if I was the man's wife. hopefully he's not that much of a arse.”

Ohshit - I hope you’re ok

I cannot understand at all why some posters go out of their way to defend such behaviour from the verbally abusive man here

agree it's very odd, I can only assume they themselves are abusive or know someone who is and feel a need to defend it.

"People are so desperate to explain away fecklessness, rudeness, brattish children, entitlement.... Urgh. When will it stop?"

Yes, I agree. Some posters seem to bend over backwards to find reasons, or to create scenarios to prove the OP wrong and excuse inexcusable behaviour. I think some of them see themselves as understanding, tolerant people seeing good in others that no one else can see, or empathising with people that everyone else judges.

But a lot of the time they just come across as annoying.

I hate people who tell others when to give up their seats. My latevfather had MS and sometimes his legs would give way without warning. Sitting in the bus somevdaft bunt told hinge should be giving up his seat for ladies as thatbwhatba gentleman should do. He told her ‘I have MS I am very ill but you look healthy so why haven’t you offered you seat?’ She still kept mutteringvand tutting.

Agree @Bluntness i always feel revulsion / sympathy (depending on context) for the posters on here who defend twattish behaviour to the death.

I imagine them to just steamroll through life upsetting people and being rude and then justifying it to themselves on the basis that people will or should think "people shouldn't judge".

For Christ's sake that's not how society works!

But a lot of the time they just come across as annoying

But in their rush they forget to show any sympathy for the poor woman, who looked close to tears and who looked ill and whose husband was being abusive.

I hope he isn’t the sort to go home and take it out on his wife
of course he'll take it out on his wife
there are no limits to his behaviour in public
imagine what fury and rage he will unleash behind closed doors

the Bus driver should of got involved

mind if they had not got rid of bus conductors it could of been sorted quicker

and they want to get rid of on the trains

I was on a tube 39 weeks pregnant (massive) and no one offered me a seat. Then a young man just announced to the carriage that everyone should be ashamed of themselves letting a heavily pregnant woman stand. Suddenly I had multiple offers of a seat and embarrassed looks......

Why didn't you simply ask for a seat? People on the tube busy themselves with their phone, reading or whatever to pass their journey time. They don't spend their time peering round the carriage looking for people who need a seat.

Good for your dh for saying something
it is true that we should speak up against abuse, however this man's behavior (swiping the seat) was directed at his wife, it's a technique to devalue her and make her feel worthless.

A challenge from another man is an attack, by calling him out you have wounded his ego, and humiliated him in front of other people, he lashed out verbally but was able to control himself and not lash out physically
His real fury will be unleashed on his partner in private, he will blame her for the humiliation on the bus and she will feel the full force of his punishment.

If anything perhaps covertly film and then report to police rather than call out?

Why didn't you simply ask for a seat? People on the tube busy themselves with their phone, reading or whatever to pass their journey time. They don't spend their time peering round the carriage looking for people who need a seat. [quote]

No, but anyone with a bit of consideration will look up now and again to make sure there isn't somebody in need of a seat left to stand, while they sit comfortably enjoying their phone or kindle.