To ask PIL to help pay for childcare?

[TheMythicalChicken]

Just for background, I lost my job a few months ago. Things have been very tight for us since. My DH works but his salary is not enough to support us all. I should say at this point that both DC are at private school. DS has SEN which is catered for at the school and for various reasons we decided to send DD as well. We have prioritized this over the years above home ownership, holidays, etc.

I was offered a job yesterday, a really good one. The problem is childcare. The kids break up next week (we’re overseas) and are off for nearly 6 weeks. We will have to book them into holiday club and we just don’t have the money.

PIL live in the same city as us and would have them over the holidays if we asked. Unfortunately I don’t really trust them to look after the kids. They don’t supervise them at all and both kids have had accidents whilst in their ‘care’. Not only that, but FIL doesn’t like them being there and moans constantly about what a liberty it is.

So the only viable option is asking PIL if they will help pay for childcare. However, they will not be sympathetic as they disagree with private school and make constant references to it in terms of our financial situation.

I am not sure if I would be unreasonable to ask them. What do you think?

Thank you.

I can’t think of a single reason why they would?

I guess your DH could ask his parents. I can't make my mind up whether it's cheeky or not. What I mean is you don't seem to like them very much do you?

I wouldnt ask.

Could you negotiate a delayed start date with your employer? Most would have to wait at least 4 weeks for anyone moving from another company anyways.

I don't think it's inherently "wrong" to ask, but you know your PIL better than we do - how are they likely to respond? If they agree to the money, will there be strings?

Could you frame it as a loan? Once you are working, will you be able to pay it back?

And is this a one off? Will your increase in household income be able to cover future holiday care?

Do you think the would? Are the in a position to? How will you cover the next holiday?

I can’t help but agree with them, you can’t sff private school

Afford

I'm really sorry, but you need to live within your means.

You clearly can't afford to send your DCs to private school, so don't.

Then you won't need to beg your PILs to pay for your children to be looked after in the holidays.

You would be very unreasonable to ask them to pay for your childcare.

They’re not good enough to look after your children but you’ll take their money.

You’re a cheeky fucker.

I think it's cheeky, 'we don't trust you to care for them so will you pay someone else to do it for us?'

YANBU to ask. They WNBU to say no.

If they don't agree with private school and judge you with regards to finances then you know they won't help you already. You can ask but personally I'd find another way.

There's no way I'd ask.

How old are the kids? At school age, there’s a limit to the number of poor supervision based accidents they can have. Ask your PIL to look after the kids.

I think you probably would BU but I can see why you're thinking of it. But in your IL's shoes I'd probably think you were taking the piss a bit.

You can always ask but from what you have said, I would be surprised if they agreed. If you cant afford 6 weeks childcare are private school fees going to be a problem?

I have no idea why you think they should pay anything towards your childcare, they're your children and they've offered to look after them. I would feel really rude saying no thanks I don't want you to have them but you can pay for someone else to!!

Why on earth would your PIL pay for childcare just because you don’t trust them to do it?
Surely if your income doesn’t match your outgoings, something has to give rather than putting your hands out?

Thanks for your honesty. I had never seen myself as a ‘cheeky fucker’ 😁.

It's cheeky, especially if you know they won't like to be asked. Asking them for a loan that you could pay back once you're earning again wouldn't be so bad though.

YABU. You can't afford private education.

They are right you can't afford private school. I think asking them to help out by looking after the DCs a bit if they can as you're starting a new job would be ok if they were willing and able, to say to them you don't want them to do the childcare but you went then to pay for outsourced childcare is cheeky fuckery at its finest.

I don’t understand why you would think it remotely reasonable to ask, particularly as they are available to look after the kids. Either you let them do the childcare or you suck it up and pay the cost.

I’m not anti private schools but I do think you need to change your children’s schools if you can’t afford it. Ask for the money as a one off loan but your in the wrong hear. They’re not good enough to look after your children but can pay for them? I think send your children to state school sort your finances out

"I don't trust you to look after the kids, but do you mind paying someone else to do it?"

And you don't know if that's unreasonable?

Surely at the very most you'd ask for a loan? If they then offer the money as a gift again then that's up to them, as it is if they refuse to lend it at all. But to just outright ask for money seems incredibly entitled to me.