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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask PIL to help pay for childcare?

293 replies

TheMythicalChicken · 22/11/2018 20:30

Just for background, I lost my job a few months ago. Things have been very tight for us since. My DH works but his salary is not enough to support us all. I should say at this point that both DC are at private school. DS has SEN which is catered for at the school and for various reasons we decided to send DD as well. We have prioritized this over the years above home ownership, holidays, etc.

I was offered a job yesterday, a really good one. The problem is childcare. The kids break up next week (we’re overseas) and are off for nearly 6 weeks. We will have to book them into holiday club and we just don’t have the money.

PIL live in the same city as us and would have them over the holidays if we asked. Unfortunately I don’t really trust them to look after the kids. They don’t supervise them at all and both kids have had accidents whilst in their ‘care’. Not only that, but FIL doesn’t like them being there and moans constantly about what a liberty it is.

So the only viable option is asking PIL if they will help pay for childcare. However, they will not be sympathetic as they disagree with private school and make constant references to it in terms of our financial situation.

I am not sure if I would be unreasonable to ask them. What do you think?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 22/11/2018 20:43

they will not be sympathetic as they disagree with private school and make constant references to it in terms of our financial situation.
So, why would you give them ammunition by proving them correct? Confused

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/11/2018 20:43

Regardless of whether it's cheeky, it doesn't sound like they'd do it. They'd offer to look after them themselves, surely, or tell you that you can't afford private education?

But yes, it's incredibly cheeky. I'd struggle with asking PIL to fund anything; let alone childcare in these circumstances. You need to sort this out between you and your husband, and if you can't, you need to assess whether private education is actually possible right now.

puzzledlady · 22/11/2018 20:43

You put your children in private school and now cant afford their childcare, so you want to ask to borrow money to pay for this from PIL because you don't trust them to look after the Children? Why on earth would they lend you the money for your poor financial decisions?

  1. This must be a reverse as no one on earth can think this is ok.

  2. If its not a reverse - pull your children out of private education, you cant afford it. Pay for a nanny/childminder

AnotherEmma · 22/11/2018 20:44

Um. I am struggling to phrase this politely. On what planet do you think asking them would be a good idea?!

You should try and negotiate a delayed start, as PPs suggested, but what you should really do is start living within your means.

It baffles me that anyone would prioritise sending children to private school over having a secure home for those children Confused

You haven't mentioned your own parents btw, what about them?

You could possibly ask parents/PILs for a small loan to tide you over, due to unexpectedly losing your job and having to wait for your first pay check from the new job, but I wouldn't specify that it's for childcare (and certainly not for school fees).

Eilaianne · 22/11/2018 20:44

You cannot afford your financial commitments or aspirations.

Doesn't matter what basic household bill you're asking them to pay on your behalf, the correct course of action is to review household budget and cut your cloth accordingly. The fact that you don't trust them and they already feel aggrieved at babysitting and you're thinking of asking them to pay childcare bills for children they didn't make brings this into the "what on earth made you think this was a good idea" territory.

Really OP do not ask them.

Lalliella · 22/11/2018 20:46

Is this a reverse? If not, YABVU. Your circus, you pay for your monkeys.

FunkyKingston · 22/11/2018 20:47

I think any reasnoble person's reaponse to the request 'we don't want you to look after the kids because, quite frankly you are a bit shite at it, but if you could set up a direct debit so i can continue to live a lifestyle i can't afford, that'd be magic' can expect a two word response both beginning and ending with an f.

Jaxhog · 22/11/2018 20:48

YANBU to ask, but I suspect they'll say no. Tough one.

To all those people who say you shouldn't send your kids to private school - taking them out now won't solve the problem and will create great distress for the kids. You also can't just withdraw them and plonk them in a state school!

I'd try asking your new employer for a later start date.

Leeds2 · 22/11/2018 20:48

I think you would be very cheeky to ask. You might also be placed in the position where they say no, but offer to look after the children instead. That could potentially be very difficult for you.

Uniquack · 22/11/2018 20:48

I agree, sorry - you can't afford private school. Surely you'd have a much better quality of life if you rather used that money for other things?

And no, I really wouldn't ask them for money.

Original poster
TheMythicalChicken · 22/11/2018 20:48

You haven't mentioned your own parents btw, what about them?

My parents would dearly love to have them, but we live in DH’s home country and I have no family or friends here.

OP posts:
LettuceP · 22/11/2018 20:48

I can't understand why you would consider it a viable option tbh

Original poster
TheMythicalChicken · 22/11/2018 20:49

... also both my parents are on benefits, so unable to help financially.

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 22/11/2018 20:50

My parents would dearly love to have them, but we live in DH’s home country and I have no family or friends here.

Could they loan you the money though?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 22/11/2018 20:50

Wow, this is like financial piss taking bingo! Grin

Orchardgreen · 22/11/2018 20:50

You are a CF

TheBigBangRocks · 22/11/2018 20:52

Wouldn't even cross my mind to ask. You can't afford private school so stop living above your means and look at better choices you can actually afford.

Solasum · 22/11/2018 20:52

Could your kids not visit your parents for an extended holiday?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 22/11/2018 20:52

Sorry I see that you’ve answered with your update.

SunnyG0507 · 22/11/2018 20:53

How about ask PIL and borrow some money for the short term holiday cost and make it clear when you will return the money back? Don't think it's right to ask them to pay for the childcare but apparently you have to pay for the cost anyway for many reasons. Maybe it's not right for the private education but you can hardly just change it in one day don't you?

Original poster
TheMythicalChicken · 22/11/2018 20:53

Wow, this is like financial piss taking bingo! 😂

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 22/11/2018 20:54

Nope not if your kids go to private school 🤷‍♀️

Get a loan?

Holidayshopping · 22/11/2018 20:55

You would be a total CF!

R3b3kah · 22/11/2018 20:56

I would be on your PIL side, if you can’t afford to cover child care during holidays then why have them in private school?
It’s very cheeky to expect them to pay for YOUR children.
I have a part time job in the evening when my partner gets home so I don’t have to rely on family and put them out, certainly wouldn’t ask my parents to pay for my child care.
Be prepared to get laughed out the door.
Good luck.

KingPrawnBalls · 22/11/2018 20:57

Wow, I've got to admire your balls up 😂😂

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