To sell my house against DP and DSD wishes?

[AllTheKingsWomen]

I bought my house around 6 years ago. It’s a 4 bed detached in a nice area. When DP and I decided to move in together it made sense for him to move in with me as he was renting a tiny 2 bed house. He doesn’t pay towards my mortgage which suits me.
Over the 6 years I’ve slowly gone up the house myself room by room. It’s now exactly how I want it and is worth £40k more than I paid for it.
But now I’ve finished my ‘project’ I’m bored and ready for a new one so I’m thinking of selling up and buying a big Victorian terraced house to renovate. I always warned DP that I might end up wanting to do this.
Well, all out war has kicked off, DSD is gutted as this is the first time she’s lived in a “posh house” (her words) and she likes to bring friends over and show off. She said the houses I’m looking at at “embarrassing” “tatty” “old fashioned” and “scruffy”. DP agrees with her because basically he moved into a nicely done up house without having to lift a finger or spend a penny.

I feel that it’s my choice. I invested in this house and I love renovation and know I can make money doing it. AIBU to tell them it’s happening and they’re free to find somewhere else to live if they hate my idea so much?

do it , fuck them

It’s absolutely your choice! Not only are you the only one funding this, you also made it clear that you were thinking about doing so. I can’t believe how cheeky they are being about this.

Why wouldn't you?! TBH their response indicates cocklodgery - why are you with him?!

Of course YANBU. Completely your decision.

I think as it's your house, and you told them this might happen, then you should sell if you want to. Though be warned market is not great right now. OTOH, probably a good time to get a fixer upper if one is around.

When did DP move in? He sounds very entitled to the standard of living you provide him with.

Would you be open to co-ownership? He can pay you half the market value of the house. (Bet he can’t/won’t though.)

If they help with the work then they will have new ‘posh’ house quicker.

Sounds like they have a case of Little Red Hen to me.

Your house, your choice.
Neither of them have any stake in the house neither pay towards the mortgage so it's really nothing to do with them.

However, if you do it, it may irreparably affect your relationship. If that doesn't bother you, definitely go ahead. If it does, you need to look for a compromise. Maybe a house that needs renovation but isn't in quite as bad a state?

Seriously, this is their HOME, am I the only one to think they should at least have a say!

You are not wrong to want to buy a house to do up.
But neither is your DP not to want to live in a house that needs renovation.

Sorry to say this sounds like a deal breaker for your relationship if there is no compromise to be had.

They dont contribute to costs so they shouldnt have a say

As they aren't contributing I don't think they have a say. They've said what they think but it's your decision.

I think it's fair for them to have a say. You may well end up living in a Victorian house on your own but if you don't give a fuck do what you want.

What's the deal here? It's clearly not a family set up if he's not paying and they have no say.

Yes billy. When they're paying towards it they can have a say....

Wow. You’re not running a charity hostel. Get a For Sale sign up and buy the house you want. Make it very clear that if they want to live with you that they will be contributing financially. Are you really sure you want them in your new home?

Do it. Your DSD sounds an entitled little madam. And has obviously taken after her DDad in that respect. I'm pissed off on your behalf. Time to make some major changes all round IMO.

I’m not with the majority here. It is there home regardless of finances. I’m a SAHM who doesn’t contribute to the mortgage, with your reasoning I shouldn’t have a say in where we live as a family?

You’re perfectly entitled to do it. But having to move to a new home against your will isn’t a nice experience. Having to do this once caused me months of depression and put my marriage under a lot of strain. So think about the consequences on your relationship and decide what’s more important to you - your renovation project or your relationships with DP and DSD because they might not recover.

He pays half towards the bills and groceries but I wasn’t prepared to have him on the mortgage or deeds (he has terrible credit history including bankruptcy) so I didn’t want any contribution to the mortgage. Obviously this suited him too but I don’t see why I should feel trapped by them being here, I started renovating this house before I even knew him. He earns half of what I do so he wouldn’t have a hope in hell of living in a house like this otherwise. Even the Victorian houses would be way out of reach for him.

Why are you happy for your DP not to contribute? Doesn't sound much of a partnership to me.

I'd say it depends on whether you consider you're a family, or whether it's you and them. At the very least there's a discussion to be had, and it sounds like it could end up being a deal-breaker, one way or another.

I can't believe you'd even consider not doing what you want in this situation. You haven't been with him that long and their reactions to your plans would be enough to have me seriously questioning their intentions. They sound like a pair of spoilt brats.

So you don't consider yourself a family, more like house-mates? Then yes sure you can do whatever you want.

As someone who grew up in houses just being renovated.. yabu.

It was the nightmare of my life, everyone that got nice ..onto the next one.

If you were thinking move to a final place and then redecorate for the next 3 months fair enough but no longer than 6 months renovating