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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell my house against DP and DSD wishes?

186 replies

AllTheKingsWomen · 22/11/2018 12:36

I bought my house around 6 years ago. It’s a 4 bed detached in a nice area. When DP and I decided to move in together it made sense for him to move in with me as he was renting a tiny 2 bed house. He doesn’t pay towards my mortgage which suits me.
Over the 6 years I’ve slowly gone up the house myself room by room. It’s now exactly how I want it and is worth £40k more than I paid for it.
But now I’ve finished my ‘project’ I’m bored and ready for a new one so I’m thinking of selling up and buying a big Victorian terraced house to renovate. I always warned DP that I might end up wanting to do this.
Well, all out war has kicked off, DSD is gutted as this is the first time she’s lived in a “posh house” (her words) and she likes to bring friends over and show off. She said the houses I’m looking at at “embarrassing” “tatty” “old fashioned” and “scruffy”. DP agrees with her because basically he moved into a nicely done up house without having to lift a finger or spend a penny.

I feel that it’s my choice. I invested in this house and I love renovation and know I can make money doing it. AIBU to tell them it’s happening and they’re free to find somewhere else to live if they hate my idea so much?

OP posts:
Worriedandanxiousmama · 22/11/2018 13:14

Sound like a good decision, OP. I think the issue here - on all sides - is lack of understanding, flexibility and functioning as a family unit. There’s a fundamental mismatch is what you’re all willing to give versus what you want to receive.

RiverTam · 22/11/2018 13:15

I think that sounds a wise decision, OP.

Good luck with your new renovation. As someone who lives in a Victorian house you couldn't pay me to live in another one but enjoy!

lovetherisingsun · 22/11/2018 13:16

You do what you want, OP. You're not married, you have no ties together, no investment in each other. You told him at the start you may sell up and get another project to do up in the future, so it's not like he was utterly unaware.

Beeziekn33ze · 22/11/2018 13:16

OP You made it clear to him from the beginning that you enjoy renovating houses 'for pleasure and profit!', apparently he failed to take this on board.
Wondering how old his daughter is as she may not have known it wasn't her 'forever home'. However she doesn't sound as if she's inclined to keep it posh. If she's an older teenager then a change of circumstances could be a wake up call to assess her own future.
Your house, your choice. Harsh but unhousetrained housemates don't get a say in it.

Miscible · 22/11/2018 13:16

YANBU. Your partner knew what he was signing up to when he moved in. If he doesn't like it, he needs to move out again.

Beeziekn33ze · 22/11/2018 13:16

Comma after Harsh!

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/11/2018 13:16

Oh just seen your update. Well then you’ve decided you want to end it. I think you should do that then. Not talk about the next house project. This has nothing to do with your partner.

HotInWinter · 22/11/2018 13:17

The update sounds good, but I'd wait til he's out to sell.
We walked out of a viewing when we asked why they were moving. The answer was "I don't want to move, my husband put the house on the market".
Also consider they will be classed as sitting tenants, and may need to sign an agreement to move out to satisify the lawyers. If they don't sign, the sale is in jeopardy.

KurriKurri · 22/11/2018 13:17

Sorry - x=posted with your update - good decision. I thin if you didn;t do what you want to in life, you'd have ended up regretting it and hugely resenting him. He'll get a bit of a shock finding that the real world won't let him live rent free.

ChippingIn · 22/11/2018 13:20

Do it. End it with him. He sounds utterly dreadful. His DD I can kind of understand and her attitude to stuff is his doing so I wouldn’t hold it against her, but neither is she your problem.

End it, give him a date to move out.

THEN put it on the market and look forward to your next project.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 22/11/2018 13:20

Obviously up to you what you do........however I do think if the boot was on the other foot the responses would be very different. I find your attitude odd, it doesnt sound like much of a partnership to me.

Personally id enjoy my house for a couple of years and then have a rethink about selling

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 22/11/2018 13:21

If it was actually about a house, a home or renovations you'd work it out. As it is, it's clearly about a relationship that you don't want to continue, so work that out instead.

WitchesHatRim · 22/11/2018 13:22

Actually I’m thinking now that I’m just going to end it with him.

Well that was quick.Hmm

ClarabellaCTL · 22/11/2018 13:23

Does your DSD live with you full time? From your update it sounds like actually you just want rid of them. Stop dragging it out and make a clean break, it will be better for all of you in the long run. You don't say how old DSD is, but moving may affect her school, her friendships etc so the sooner you tell them how it is the better and he can start finding somewhere for them to live that he can afford on his own. If I had been in his situation and living rent free for however long he's been with you, I'd have been saving up madly in case this happened but I suspect that may not be the case.

InfantaSybilla · 22/11/2018 13:24

The responses to this thread would be entirely different if the OP was the DP, and female, and she explained that she'd move in with her 'DP', that he refused to put her on the deeds/contribute to the mortgage, that she pays half of the other household bills and was now selling against her and her dcs wishes 🙄.

Jenny17 · 22/11/2018 13:25

OP is not married to this man and doesn't owe him anything. DP did not pay "rent" or mortgage. People can decide terms on how they live with DP and doesn't "have" to do the family thing/live like a married couple. Lots of women have had their houses taken from them etc because of this. Comparing this to SAHM is riddicoulous as DP doesn't need to worry about pregnancy and bringing up young children without or limited income. He is s fully grown man that has saved on rent for two years so should have a large deposit and should be fine.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/11/2018 13:25

Curious to know how long you and your partner have lived together.

Their personal habits sound awful and I would have ended the relationship over that alone.

But it seems sad for them both - especially the child - if they have given up a small, but secure, home to move in with you, and now you are turfing them out. It might have been better had he continue to pay the rent on his other place until you knew you were staying together.

RiverTam · 22/11/2018 13:26

Infanta if this hypothetical female DP was as scuzzy as the OP is describing these two to be (I take it you haven't read her subsequent posts), then no, I wouldn't think any differently.

happypoobum · 22/11/2018 13:27

Infanta In that scenario I would tell the OP that she should have been setting aside the money she had saved by living rent/mortgage free to protect herself and her child in this completely forseeable situation.

I would advise her to either move to the new house with her DP or set up on her own.

flossieisbossy · 22/11/2018 13:28

Why would it Infanta ?
The OP has always been open about what she wants to do and she has said why he isn't on the deeds

ciderhouserules · 22/11/2018 13:29

The responses to this thread would be entirely different if the OP was the DP, and female, and she explained that she'd move in with her 'DP', that he refused to put her on the deeds/contribute to the mortgage, that she pays half of the other household bills and was now selling against her and her dcs wishes
which is why a female really really needs to protect herself against exactly this happening. She'd have no powers to stop it. Unless she is protected by law (marriage or otherwise)

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 22/11/2018 13:29

InfantaSybilla Wouldn't they just. It sounds like they had a fair and frank discussion about moving in where they decided together he would move into the OP's house with his daughter. Now a few years later she hates both of them living with her and everyone is saying its fine if she essentially kicks them out because its's her house. Can you imagine if it was a man saying that about a women and her child.

The DP has contributed as requested and agreed to bills and shopping but not the mortgage as the Op did not want him too. He willingly gave up his house to move as he believed they were a family unit, it seems the Op has never thought this was the case. Now she is going to kick him and his daughter out and everyone seems to think ifs fine because he's a cocklodger who didn't pay his way Hmm

justilou1 · 22/11/2018 13:30

Absolutely none of their business. If they wish to move with you then they can start to contribute. I can't believe they think they get an opinion.

Juells · 22/11/2018 13:30

The OP is single, free, doesn't have a child, now is the time in her life that she should be doing things she wants to do. What she wants to do is renovate houses and make some money doing it - enjoyable and profitable. Her partner's child isn't her responsibility.

badirene · 22/11/2018 13:31

@AllTheKingsWomen how long have they lived with you op? It sounds like something that you all kind of drifted into for convenience and now it is not working out as expected for you. I say sell up if that is what you want, you cannot stay stuck to make life easier for anyone else.

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