Aibu separated parents

[cpjoli]

So as not to drip feed, a background.
Parents are separated and both remarried. Shared custody between both for hslf week each.Mum has a 4 year old with new dh. Mum doesn't work but dh does.
Dad lives with new wife 15 year old step daughter. Both work full time jobs 7am to 5pm.

The 6 year old girl is at dad's house and falls off the mini trampoline and hurts her wrist. In a lot of pain.
Dad and stepmum take her to hospital at 6.30pm. Phone mum who says ok keep me updated. Hospital very busy so still waiting for x-ray at 10pm. Phone mum again who says your problem you deal with it. She's not going to hospital to take over despite both dad and step mum having to work the next day. She says phone in sick I've got a 4 year old to look after.

Dad still at hospital. Step mum gone home to 15 year old dd.

Aibu to think the mum is wrong ?

The daughter is at the hospital with her dad, why does the mum need to be there also?

If it’s during the dad’s contact time, it’s the dad’s job to deal with it, if the daughter was due to go back to her mum’s the next day then she should but if not then the dad should be looking after her

I think it is weird she wouldnt want to see her daughter and comfort her.

Shared care? This happened on dad's watch so his responsibility.

Why on earth does mum need to be there if dad is? What's she supposed to do with the 4 year old?

If it’s dads contact time it’s their responsibility

If she were mi e I’d want to be there for her, but in this instance it’s absolutely dads job.

This just reads like
‘6 year old injured and no one can be bothered staying with her at hospital’
When i was injured as a child and in hospital (also separated parents) who had work the next day didn’t matter.
Priorities are all messed up here

Sorry but I'm with the mum (though I'd assume she's a bit more concerned about her injured DD than she sounds here). DD was injured on Dad's 'watch'. It's up to him to deal with it and if that means taking a day off well yes.. Sometimes you have to. Its not his ex wife's job to solve his childcare / work issue.

Happened on dad's time, dad deals with it. He can't just palm it off on the other parent because it's late!

DH and I both work long hours in a full time job, I wouldn't call someone else to sit with 7 yo dd at the hospital - not even DH. I'd sit there for as long as it took (and have) and go to work knackered the next day.

It's parenting.

Yes Dads job but I would be there like a shot if it was my daughter

It happened on Dads watch and that's it.

Why should the Mum suck up the problem? Is she really expected to take her 4 year old to A and E at 10pm.

YABU. Dad and stepmum’s jobs are not the mum’s problem. Why do you think they are more important than being SAHM to 4 year old? His watch, he deals with the consequences.

Dad is with her. Dad stays . Dad takes day off work next day if needs be.
Simple.
It s dad who stays and sorts it out.

This is ridiculous. Are you the stepmum, OP? Of course the dad should stay and deal, tough, he's a parent too and it's is contact time.

Even if the mum would normally have her child home by now she's no more obliged to be there than the Dad.

I would have taken my 4 year old up the hospital with me if my dh couldnt look after her for me so I could go to see how the 6 year old was to comfort her, that being said I do think it is up to the Dad to wait with her as it got late, he is as much of a parent as the mother is and it did happen in his time.

Are you the dad's partner by any chance?

Dad needs to get a grip. Is he really expecting his ex to go and take over?

Priorities are all messed up here

Agree with this. My parents are divorced but if I had been taken to hospital at 6 both of them would have stayed with me regardless of work commitments.

however I think YABU to assume the mum has responsibility just because she doesn't have paid employment she has another child so she is hardly going to be having a lie in.

Yes YABU, can’t believe dad thinks it’s reasonable to call mum at 10pm expecting her to take over just cause he has work in the a.m.
I’ve often been up all night with a sick child and then had to go into work, shit happens....

Clearly Dads job to stay. Ridiculous to suggest otherwise!

His time, his responsibility.

Even of not for that, Mum would have to drag a 4 year old out of bed to go down there. How on earth is that less of a consideration than Dads job. Dad can call in sick or, heaven forbid, a man could spend a day feeling tired and just get on with it.

(To be fair when I was 4 I was in hospital with gastroenteritis and my dad slept there every night with me then went to work all day. My Mum was at home with ebf baby at night and spent the days at hospital. Needs must! So men can definitely cope with being a bit tired at work!)

I have this with my daughter. If she's sick then dad doesn't want her on his days. If she can't go to school then I have to stay off work not my ex.

No it's not me. It's my cousin and partner.

I would want to be there if it was my ds but I'm very protective.

Interesting that people seem to agree as I personally think the mum should go as she is her mum, but that's why I posted and asked!

You're the step mother and reckon the mum should have come and taken over. Dad has 50/50 custody, but you believe that should only occur when child is well. Child is injured, not your issue anymore? Whilst I personally would have gone- she doesn't have to- the daughter is with her dad, is with a parent that loves her, and this is being a parent. Sorry- you are being seriously unreasonable for judging. I'd be judging dad if he demanded mum cane and took over for an injury caused at his house.

But they are both her parents?