Aibu separated parents

[cpjoli]

So as not to drip feed, a background.
Parents are separated and both remarried. Shared custody between both for hslf week each.Mum has a 4 year old with new dh. Mum doesn't work but dh does.
Dad lives with new wife 15 year old step daughter. Both work full time jobs 7am to 5pm.

The 6 year old girl is at dad's house and falls off the mini trampoline and hurts her wrist. In a lot of pain.
Dad and stepmum take her to hospital at 6.30pm. Phone mum who says ok keep me updated. Hospital very busy so still waiting for x-ray at 10pm. Phone mum again who says your problem you deal with it. She's not going to hospital to take over despite both dad and step mum having to work the next day. She says phone in sick I've got a 4 year old to look after.

Dad still at hospital. Step mum gone home to 15 year old dd.

Aibu to think the mum is wrong ?

[Dungeondragon15]

Doesn’t matter who else is or isn’t there, if you can easily be there I simply don’t understand why you’d choose to sit at home instead.

Because her being there would mean that the father would leave which wouldn't benefit the child- there would still only be one parent. Arguably going there would be for your own benefit and not the childs. Either that or you think the father isn't a good parent.
Plus the mother says she has a four year old to look after so not just "sitting" at home.

[BlueJava]

I can't get over the fact that people are talking about whose responsibility it is to be at hospital - if it were my DC I would want to be at the hospital to look after her/him! Wow.

[Twillow]

The dad should finish dealing with the issue at the hospital. The mum has a 4 yr old and I think it's unreasonable to ask her to bring that child along to the hospital to 'change shifts'.

[thepoorestoftherichteabiscuits]

To me it’s weird that any parent would have the option of supporting their young child in a&e (who the OP said is clearly in pain etc) but would choose not to because it’s not their “turn”. Doesn’t matter who else is or isn’t there, if you can easily be there I simply don’t understand why you’d choose to sit at home instead.

This exactly, although couldn't be bothered to reiterate my point millions of times if someone disagreed. Each to their own

[PrettyLovely]

Of course its not unusual I would be up there especially as she is only 6.

[Spamfrittersforeveryone]

“Cousin”

[Dorsetdays]

The irony of someone coming back to post again just to say they won’t be engaging further .

The post stated Children may then use such situations to ensure they get both their parents. Without knowing they are doing It, children can manipulate and control. Not sure how I’m being dense by reading anything other than what was actually said...

I don’t think I’m the only person on here saying that as a parent I’d want to be with my child when they were in a&e so it’s clearly not that unusual for some of us.

[CandyCreeper]

Misses point of thread but isn't it a bit quick that Mum has a 6 year old with ex and then has a 4 year old with new DH?

not really, people on MN seem to jump quickly from relationship to relationship,
i read it on many threads.

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

I will not be engaging further Doresetdays.

[Allthewaves]

I'd be down there like a shot if I was mum but I'd also expect ex dh to stay. Who wouldn't want to be with child when they are hurt

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

Yes I’m sure the 6 year old threw herself off the trampoline and injured herself deliberately so that she could have both her parents together

You can not really be so dense that you read my post as saying that?

But as you have demonstrated an extraordinary lack of understanding about the situation and what people have been posting maybe ...

[Dorsetdays]

Yes I’m sure the 6 year old threw herself off the trampoline and injured herself deliberately so that she could have both her parents together . Perhaps the question should be why those children feel the need to manipulate the situation if that’s the case.

Or maybe it’s just because they’re a young child, in pain and as parents some of us would want to be there. in the circumstances explained in the OP which is, after all what we’re talking about, the mother made the decision not to go. Totally up to her but for some of us that wouldn’t be the decision we would make and we’re allowed to express that.

[Rosethistle7]

The Dad's responsibility and he should definitely stay either way BUT why doesn't the Mum care enough to be there too?!

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

I would be happy to agree to disagree if you didn't keep adding judgements to your posts. e.g. Still, it takes all sorts I suppose...

You have decided it's about a parent choosing to watch tv instead of supporting their child. And I'm saying it's more complex than that.

You seem determined to make a virtue out of needing to be fully involved and appear to have no understanding of the challenges that many separated parents face.

Having both parents present because it makes the child happy may not be in their best interests long term. Children may then use such situations to ensure they get both their parents. Without knowing they are doing It, children can manipulate and control.

Let alone the situations in which one parent takes advantage or is inconsistent or .....

[Looneytune253]

Nooo it’s defo dads responsibility though step mum doesn’t need to be there to be fair. Mum can’t take the 4 year old along to hosp.

[Dorsetdays]

Bridgetjones. Not at all, I totally agree with you. As I said earlier, I just hope that the 6 year old child didn’t overhear that phone conversation between her parents.

Can’t fathom how parenting becomes something you clock on and off for

[MinecraftHolmes]

It doesn't requite two parents to take the child to the hospital for that. Yes, both parents may want to make sure the child is ok, but it's not a requirement that they're both in the hospital for a sprained wrist.

With separated families it's often important that there's not a tendency for one parent (usually the mother, especially if a SAHM) to become the default parent who is on call even when the child is with their other parent - so it's not as simple as dropping everything to let the parent in charge to go home when it's "their time".

[bridgetjonesmassivepants]

Am the only one who thinks this is really sad? It reads like the parents are bickering over who stays with the injured child. Poor girl.

[Dungeondragon15]

Most 6 year olds should be oblivious to any issues between their parents so why wouldn’t they be happy with both of them there?k to boundaries which is what she was doing.

It didn't say that they would be unhappy for them both to be there. I am saying that they might be perfectly happy for just one to be there if that is what they are used to. The child isn't seriously injured and according to OP is perfectly happy with the father. He just wants his x there so he can go.

[Dorsetdays]

Think we may have to agree to disagree clearly.

To me it’s weird that any parent would have the option of supporting their young child in a&e (who the OP said is clearly in pain etc) but would choose not to because it’s not their “turn”. Doesn’t matter who else is or isn’t there, if you can easily be there I simply don’t understand why you’d choose to sit at home instead.

Still, it takes all sorts I suppose...

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

And I will say again- there is no suggestion that the DD was in anyway unhappy being looked after by her DF.

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

Dorsetdays no one has said that the DD wouldn't have been happy to have both parents there.

But that wasn't what was being suggested.

The DF was planning on passing over his responsibility to his ex leaving the DM in sole charge. The DF has 50 50 shared care. He can't just pass it over when it's not convenient.

The DM wasn't allowing her DD to suffer in order to make a point. She was simply sticking to the boundaries and thereby making sure the DF fulfilled his responsibilities.

[Dorsetdays]

Dungeon. They’re 6 ffs...how ‘mature’ do you think they’re going to be??

Most 6 year olds should be oblivious to any issues between their parents so why wouldn’t they be happy with both of them there?

What a weird point to try and make...

[Dorsetdays]

Stil free to make my own parenting decision though and apply it to my response

What would you have done instead of being with your DD in that situation? Watched TV? As I said before, there will always be times when you can’t both be there but when it’s perfectly feasible to go (and especially when your ex is specifically asking if you could relieve them as they have work at 7am) why would you deliberately say “no thanks, your problem, I’m watching I’m a celeb”?!

Let’s just hope the DC wasn’t within earshot of that phone conversation as I imagine it would make them feel pretty shitty.

[Dungeondragon15]

And the only time I can imagine any 6 year old NOT wanting both her parents at hospital with her if they are separated is if she knows there are issues between them which could create an argument/ tension etc.

They might just be a well adjusted mature 6 year old who is quite happy with only one parent at a time as that is what they are used to.