Aibu separated parents

[cpjoli]

So as not to drip feed, a background.
Parents are separated and both remarried. Shared custody between both for hslf week each.Mum has a 4 year old with new dh. Mum doesn't work but dh does.
Dad lives with new wife 15 year old step daughter. Both work full time jobs 7am to 5pm.

The 6 year old girl is at dad's house and falls off the mini trampoline and hurts her wrist. In a lot of pain.
Dad and stepmum take her to hospital at 6.30pm. Phone mum who says ok keep me updated. Hospital very busy so still waiting for x-ray at 10pm. Phone mum again who says your problem you deal with it. She's not going to hospital to take over despite both dad and step mum having to work the next day. She says phone in sick I've got a 4 year old to look after.

Dad still at hospital. Step mum gone home to 15 year old dd.

Aibu to think the mum is wrong ?

[SD1978]

Saw the update. Mum isn't 'wrong' for not going. I still stick with you're being judgmental towards he mum for no good reason

[blackteasplease]

I mean I'd probably want to go if it was my kid whichever parent I was, but it isn't the Mums job. And the 4 yos need not to be dragged out of bed to hospital seems to be the deciding factor to me.

To be fair if the partner with the younger child was on duty at the time that might be a reason for the parent without a younger one to take over.

[NiceViper]

The DDad is in danger of losing the plot entirely.

If 6yo needed her mum because she was a bit miserable and in pain, then the needed to ask her to come to the hospital straight away. If it wasn't serious enough to tell her at 6:30, or if they did tell and decided she was fine with her DDad, then it is utterly and obviously Unreasonable to change that just because things are taking a long time in the hospital.

I hope she's OK.

And that the DDad sees sense

[IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea]

The Mum isn't wrong, SAHM doesn't equal "everyone's bitch to do the things they cba to".

[NotAnotherParkingFine]

Poor kid, neither parent wants to be with her in hospital.

[BinglyBunglyBoops]

So who should look after the 4 year old while the mum goes to hospital? As her DH also has to work the next day.

[VimFuego101]

This is part of having 50/50, dad should deal with it. Although if I was the mother I would want to be there.

[AdalindShade]

It is the responsibility of whichever parent was down for contact time.

However, this is the reason life is shit for some DC of divorced parents - she's waiting to be treated in A&E and her parents are disagreeing cos neither wants to be there for her. (Yes, I know this sometimes happens in nuclear families too, but it is less common ime.)

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

Of course the mum isn't "wrong".
And why on earth are you getting a blow by blow account of the events?

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

Yeah, being a working parent should exempt you from parenting....

[cpjoli]

No one said No one wanted to be with her!!! Don't assume. She is perfectly happy with dad and dad will stay. I only asked . I am not judging anyone. Nor did I say she was not looked after or that the mum was a bitch.

I simply asked a question, I didn't need the abuse I've received on here.

[Howdoyoudoit31]

But the child is with her DAD?!

Her mum doesn’t NEED to be there and had a 4year old also. What’s the 4yr old meant to do ? Hang around A&E because the dad has to get up in the morning.

Dad needs to suck it up. She was under his care!

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

Aibu to think the mum is wrong ?
You have totally judged !

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

(Yes, I know this sometimes happens in nuclear families too, but it is less common

A separated couple have two households to finance and manage. They already have to drop and run on their time because no one else can. It makes for vulnerability when redundancy comes around that’s for sure. Sod all to do with not caring and everything to do with logistics.

[garethsouthgatesmrs]

I personally think the mum should go as she is her mum, surely you couldbjust substitute the word mum for the word dad in that sentence and it would be equally true.

Perhaps the mum has chosen not to go because she knows the dad will bail and wants him to take responsibility.

[cpjoli]

I won't be returning to this thread.

[Poloshot]

Can see both sides. Dad's time he deals with it but I'm surprised the mom doesn't want to be there too.

[DerelictWreck]

If the whole situation were reversed would you expect the dad to go?

[jackio2205]

Interesting question actually, but I feel that as women were always expected to be rhe carer when actually men are just as capable and im sure that if it were the other way round we wouldnt think twice about the dad not coming. Im sure both parents want to be there to comfort their child but I do see how other commitments means they cant and that if one parent is alreay there then its not 'neccessary' as such x

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

I won't be returning to this thread.
You asked if you were being unreasonable and people have responded to that question. You have received no abuse or insults. Just exasperation at your judgement that the mother is "wrong"

[MrsStrowman]

Dad's time he should stay, but the 4 year old is home with his dad, I'd imagine both are in bed so mum doesn't need to look after the four year old. If I was mum and my 6 year old child was in hospital I'd want to be there too.

[C0untDucku1a]

I wont be returning to this thread

Anyway, dad is staying because he has to, as he already tried to get out of staying, so calm down with praise for dad.

And the sexism? Let’s try to cut back on the sexism too. Mum should be there because she is a mum? Dad is there. Why is that not good enough? The daughter is happy with dad.

[MrsStrowman]

@DerelictWreck

"If the whole situation were reversed would you expect the dad to go?*
If mum had already been at the hospital for ages and had work the next day and dad didn't and also had a partner at home who was looking after their child, yes I would expect him to go.
If they were still together iif expect them to do shifts taking into account childcare for other DCs and work.

[MrBirlingsAwfulWife]

Apart from anything else, it makes sense for the parent who was there when the accident happened to be with the child in order to answer questions.