Females have to consider risk, far more than males?

[Huskylover1]

It's suddenly hit me, how DH and I have vastly different experiences of life, even though we live in the same place and go to the same places (obviously).

After a conversation, it has occurred to me, that I have been risk assessing most of what I do, for my entire adult life. DH says I worry too much, whereas I just say that I'm sensible!

For example, when I walk the dogs at night, I stick to well lit areas. If I have to park in a car park at night, I park near the exit and where it's well lit. I wouldn't answer the door at 3am, if I was home alone. If I was walking home in the dark, I would take a well lit route, and never cut across a dark park or in the woods. You get my drift.

DH wouldn't think about any of this. He goes where he wants, when he wants, without any thoughts to safety. He's a very big man, and I'd say if another man set on him, it would be extremely unlikely that DH would not win. He knows how to fight (trained fighting is part of his job). He just isn't scared of anything or anyone.

We were talking one night, and I remarked at how absolutely lovely it must be, to be like him : never having to fear anything. He replied that I was just a worrier and he didn't seem to get my point at all. I really don't think I am a worrier. I think that females have to think about things that men don't. I think I've risk assessed my whole adult life, often without even realising.

He didn't seem to understand my point at all.

Yes, I know what you mean. I’ve had a similar discussion with my DH. I think the key thing is that men get to exist without the knowledge/fear that a stranger might decide to take their life away from them or sexually assault them for no other reason than the fact that they are male, whereas for women that is always a small but very real risk.

He didn't seem to understand my point at all

Male privilege in a nutshell.

Yep male priviledge.

I think I am a bit like your DH in that I go where I want and when I want. Also aren't more men subject to attack than women?

My DH gets it more now that we have DC similar age one boy and one girl.

Maybe your DH needs to transgender, Husky? Then he might understand? On second thoughts, if he's as big as you say he is, he'd never get away with it!

So he would be fine with you walking down a dark alley at night?

While I completely agree with you that I think women are much more likely than men to frequently evaluate risk and take action to mitigate that risk, my understanding is that statistics show that men are more likely to be attacked than women. So what's that about?

Next time you walking into a room of people together ask him how many of them could probably kill you if they wanted and how many could kill him if they want it. Hopefully he’ll get it. You also need to tell him to be more careful, even for a large man who can fight taking those lives of risks is stupid.

He's a very big man, and I'd say if another man set on him, it would be extremely unlikely that DH would not win. He knows how to fight (trained fighting is part of his job). He just isn't scared of anything or anyone.

I'm.neither big, not trained in how to fight, so it may make a difference.. but I am a man and I do all the things you do Op.

I think in general terms I agree with you, but I am also aware that it's not all men and all women.

I won't walk anywhere at night with headphones in. I live near a dodgy area that I won't go too. If I see a group of men, I'll avoid them. I wouldn't answer the door after 10pm never mind 3am.

Most men don’t want to believe that most women, even subconsciously, risk assess from they are little girls, as they get angry at the suggestion that males are more likely to harm females. It’s the old cry of NAMALT. If men face up to the fact that females are at risk from some males, then they might have to take responsibility for the actions of other men. They take it as an attack on males, rather than an actual reality faced by women.

I am also a bit surprised that this has only just occurred to you though. (Although to be fair, you might be a lot younger than me!)

@Aridane
Do you really not consider safety issues when in dark unlit places or whilst out at night?
You are quite unusual I think even though yes statistically young men more likely to be subject to violence they are also more likely to instigate violence also.

I don't think I consider that kind of risk any more than dh does tbh. And I think the previous poster is right - men are attacked at least as often as women.

statistics show that men are more likely to be attacked than women. So what's that about?

The answer is male violence.

I think generally (depending on where you live) females and males both run roughly the same risk of being attacked.

Where I live (London borough) stabbings have gone through the roof and almost every victim has been male.

Sexual assaults have also risen sharply and almost every victim female.

@Neolara women are more sensible. They are less likely to be attacked because they take fewer risks.

It's not just suddenly hit me, I've always known how at risk I am, but now in middle age as I feel older and slower I guess it is weighing on me more.

Yes, it is male privilege, isn't it? Thankfully, I have never been attacked, I have however experienced :

• Being followed across a dark car park at night - I ran back towards my friends and reported it the next day. Turns out I was not the only person reporting this, and the male had a knife.

• Had a male try to get in to my car, when I was parked at a London station (locked all doors thankfully)

The other day it was reported that there is a Flasher been seen in our local woods, so I changed my dog walking route to avoid the area. This kind of thing.

What’s NAMALT

Taken from a HuffPost article, which sums it up nicely. Ask your DH how many of these he does - or even thinks about - on a regular basis.

34 things for women to "stay safe".

1. Walk with our keys grasped between our fingers in case we need to use them as a weapon.

1. Making sure to have the correct key out and ready before we get to our door

1. When someone is walking closely behind us on the street, we stop to pretend to make a phone call or otherwise occupy ourselves to allow them to pass in front of us.

1. Walk past our destination, particularly if it's our home, if someone has been trailing us for a while.

1. Scope out potential safe havens if someone appears to be following us.

1. Stay in well-lit areas at night even if it means taking a longer route.

1. Switch up our running routes to avoid potential stalkers learning our route.

1. Change direction if a car appears to be following us while we're walking on foot.

9.Run outdoors with only one earbud in to keep the other on our surroundings.

10. Pretend to listen to music while walking by men who attempt to engage with us.

11. Change the locks when housekeys are misplaced.

12.Take alternative routes to avoid areas we know we are likely to face street harassment.

13. Cross the street when we see men who look like they might be drunk.

14. Late at night, cross to the other side of the street when anyone is walking towards us.

15. Avoid eye contact with men trying to get our attention.

16. Decide the cost of a taxi is worth it.

17. Avoid entering stairwells or elevators occupied by only one other person who is a stranger.

18. Text a friend before going out for a run or on a date with a stranger.

19. Avoid social situations if a man whose prior advance made us uncomfortable might be there.

20. Decide not to open Facebook messages from unknown men, who could see the message has been "Read" and become hostile and harassing.

21. Never open the door for someone we're not expecting and stay still until the doorbell stops ringing.

22. When bringing heavy bags and packages into the house or apartment, locking and unlocking the door with every trip.

23. Avoid sleeping naked in case of an intruder or on-looker.

24. Buy pepper spray: for the purse, for the car, one for the home.

25. Make sure we're not the only woman on the subway car or bus.

26. Avoid getting off at our bus or train stop if a man who has been staring exits at the same time.

27. Check our mirrors frequently while driving, noting characteristics and license plate numbers of cars trailing close behind.

28. Driving in a circle if we sense we might be followed.

29. Park next to a light post when it's dark outside.

30. Wear a hoodie when driving late at night to appear male to other drivers.

31. Check for an official city medallion number when entering a taxi.

32. Never leave a drink unattended at a party.

33. Run outside in baggy clothes, even if it's hot, to decrease the chances of unsolicited commentary on our anatomy.

34. Making sure we have enough cell phone battery life before leaving one location to last until we get to another.

What’s NAMALT

Not all men are like this

The fact that men that are attacked more than women, are attacked by who? Oh yes. Answer: MEN.

The women that are attacked, are more likely to be attacked by who? Oh yes.
Answer: again MEN!

What’s so hard to understand?

Thing is though, and please correct me if I'm wrong, men may get attacked more but it's a different type of attack isn't it?

I've been attacked several times for no apparent reason. Some blokes just want to feel 'harder' than others, some see it as a jolly jape to attack someone. One time a car pulled up beside me and my Gf, 4 guys got out, circled me, punched the hell out of me, told my GF to get a proper bloke and not a pussy, got back in the car and drove off laughing.

But that's one thing...

Women can be kidnapped, murdered or raped and even all three.
I don't worry about those.

Men worry they'll get beaten, women worry they'll get killed... Big difference. One of the reasons I'll avoid accidently following women at night and cross over etc to avoid making them worry.

My husband is like klutzydravonequus in that he doesn’t take pointless risks. But he’s huge, burly and trained in martial arts. It’s about knowledge. Women know to keep themselves safe because 1. The risk is more apparent and 2. It’s drummed into them from childhood. Most men don’t risk evaluate out of ignorance and arrogance. The risk isn’t as obvious to them and chances are no one told them how to stay safe. The result is that only the smart ones take care of themselves and men are more likely to be targets of random acts of violence.