Females have to consider risk, far more than males?

[Huskylover1]

It's suddenly hit me, how DH and I have vastly different experiences of life, even though we live in the same place and go to the same places (obviously).

After a conversation, it has occurred to me, that I have been risk assessing most of what I do, for my entire adult life. DH says I worry too much, whereas I just say that I'm sensible!

For example, when I walk the dogs at night, I stick to well lit areas. If I have to park in a car park at night, I park near the exit and where it's well lit. I wouldn't answer the door at 3am, if I was home alone. If I was walking home in the dark, I would take a well lit route, and never cut across a dark park or in the woods. You get my drift.

DH wouldn't think about any of this. He goes where he wants, when he wants, without any thoughts to safety. He's a very big man, and I'd say if another man set on him, it would be extremely unlikely that DH would not win. He knows how to fight (trained fighting is part of his job). He just isn't scared of anything or anyone.

We were talking one night, and I remarked at how absolutely lovely it must be, to be like him : never having to fear anything. He replied that I was just a worrier and he didn't seem to get my point at all. I really don't think I am a worrier. I think that females have to think about things that men don't. I think I've risk assessed my whole adult life, often without even realising.

He didn't seem to understand my point at all.

I work in what was always, traditionally, a 'mans' job - hotel night porter. It still is and less than a week ago I had someone express surprise that I am a woman in this role.
It tends to be that I think because 95% of the job is working alone, as in no colleagues, but with general public around and it's at night. There's also a lot of heavy lifting and I'm the one dealing with drunk guests at the end of a wedding or when they return late.
I have done this before and tbh I'm probably better at handling myself in tough situations, than some of the guys I work with. I'm quite often referred to as 'butch' by someone I've had to speak to - and yes I'm tall and broad overweight but I know how to stand my ground and appear not to be intimidated, and if I need to I can use my height and stance to intimidate.
But mainly it's an act, I'd say technically I'm at higher risk of being attacked in a work situation for turning someone down, when there's no one else around, than randomly being attacked. I think the other (male) porter is at as much risk for a randomer attacking for anything other than sexual motive. And I have made contingency plans (to go to the nearest corridor and scream blue murder, or trigger the fire alarm) should something like that happen.
But it's something I have to think about, and no doubt if it did ever happen, I'd have some people saying what do I expect doing that job as a woman.
I think that's the difference, we are far more likely to be blamed in some way for the attack, and therefore reduce the risks to a) prevent an attack or b) show we're not at fault
Of course the only person at fault is the attacker, but women seem to have to prove that they weren't in any way encouraging an attack, before the attacker can be blamed.

I joined this thread to challenge the assertion by the OP that men don't have to worry about being attacked or engage in any kind of risk evaluation when out and about

Although she never actually asserted that. She was talking specifically about her husband (a large man trained in combat) throughout her OP. She didn't actually claim at any point that no men ever anything to fear.

Although she never actually asserted that. She was talking specifically about her husband (a large man trained in combat) throughout her OP. She didn't actually claim at any point that no men ever anything to fear.

The thread title does suggest that she believes that men have far less to worry about than women. Whereas the stats show that men are more likely to be the victims of violent crime.

ONS Link

The stats also show that we should be more afraid of men as 78% of violent crime is carried out by blokes. To be honest, this surprised me, I would have thought that would be a far higher figure.

The statistics aren't really meaningful in this case. The stats for men are skewed by the majority occurring between drunk men in/around bars and nightclubs, while the OP is talking about perceived risk when walking the dogs, using car parks at night, answering the door late at night, walking home in the dark, etc.

The ONS website does also show that men and women are equally likely to be robbed, while women are more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted, and these are the things most people are worried about in the above situations.

The stats for men are skewed by the majority occurring between drunk men in/around bars and nightclubs,

you got a source for that, or is it just prejudice?

Eh? Prejudice against who or what? How would stating that a large proportion of male-on-male violence occurs in pubs and nightclubs be prejudiced?

Anyway, I had to google the evidence since I didn't think anyone would question something that is so obvious. Do you really think it's not true??

This is from a home office study called "Violence in the night-time economy", it's over a decade old now but I don't think it's even worth arguing that it won't still be applicable today.

• The 2001/02 BCS found 44% of violent incidents occurred at the weekend (6pm Friday to 6am Monday) and 63% occurred during the evening or
night (Allen et al., 2003).

• In a national Accident and Emergency department (A&E) study, the peak time for attendance of patients with assault-related facial injuries was 9pm
to 3am. Peak days were Friday and Saturday (Hutchison et al., 1998).

• The 2001/02 BCS found that 38% of violence between strangers occurred in or around a pub or club (Allen et al., 2003).

But those figures aren't broken down by sex.

I am a man. I understand the OPs point, whether or not statistics tell a different picture, from conversations with women over many years. Even for someone not the size of the OPs DH. For example, I have happily gone on holiday abroad by myself to various events, whereas many if not most women would think twice about this, unless visiting someone.

But those figures aren't broken down by sex

Touché. So you think those assault victims in and around nightclubs at the weekend and visits to A&E are equal among men and women, then?

This actually occurred to me today, the constant risk assessing! I carry out epc surveys in people's homes and 3 out of 4 appointments today were single males in the property. My first instinct is to start with the doors of the property so that i can ensure they are unlocked! One house today the loft hatch was in the bedroom, the male said 'you'll have to come in and close the door to open/access it'. (Which was true) promptly ushered me in and shut the door before I could even think! I can guarantee that my male colleagues doing the same job, or my husband would not have felt as vulnerable as I did in that situation, and would probably think I was being dramatic if I voiced that I felt anxious and extremely uncomfortable.

Very possibly, given that alcohol is a massive factor in causing male violence (against men and women).

I've been in A&E twice in my life at the end of a night out. On both occasions I was supporting friends who had been (on one occasion, really badly) assaulted. First, as much as you'd clearly like to believe, neither of them encouraged their assailants to break their noses/stave their heads in (I was there when both incidents happened); second there were plenty of women in attendance too (one tried it on with my friend whilst he had tampons shoved up his nostrils).

First, as much as you'd clearly like to believe, neither of them encouraged their assailants to break their noses/stave their heads in

I don't even know what you're talking about now. When did I say anything about anyone encouraging their assailants?

Think of it this way - when there is a spate of rapes/assaults in a particular area, carried out a by a man, women are warned to avoid certain areas, not to walk late at night etc. In that situation, women are not committing any crimes, so why are they told to do something different? Why aren't men told to avoid the area, to give women peace of mind?

Because there would be no point in telling the assailant to avoid that area/commit the crimes, maybe?

In general I agree that society should educate men how to treat women. For example, by discouraging taking advantage of a drunk woman. But some men will always abuse situations.

Have you considered self defence lessons to help alleviate your fears

Women are far better off learning how to sprint-run and be able to summon up their loudest screams when frozen in 'fight or flight' mode, than self-defence.

True self defense classes teach you how to escape and evade.
They should not be about winning a fight or dominating an opponent.

Do you not think that perhaps the reason men are more likely to be the victim of violent crime is a result of them being more likely to take risks than women are?

On a similar note it's also interesting to me that despite being more likely to be victims that nobody tries to police men's behaviour. Nobody constantly tells them that they need to take more responsibility for their personal safety. Funny that.

EenyMeenyMinyNo

My DW used to be an estate agent, after the Suzy Lamplugh case there was a massive push on training viewers on how to minimise risk when showing houses. Do you work for yourself or a company? They may be obligated to offer training. You are not being dramatic

I’m a women and I’m more like your husband then you op.

All the things you have mentioned I never do. I don’t park near entrances, I just park up. I would take a short cut through an alley if it was quicker.
Although I wouldn’t open my front door at 3am (I would at 10pm) I would open my bedroom window and look down to see who it was.
I’m also not a worrier. I just don’t think of those things. I go out for walks/runs in the dark. I don’t risk assess.

I regularly get taxis on my own at 2-3am after a night out.

Iv never looked into a parked car in a car park. I just walk back to my car and get in it.

I didn’t know people worried as much as what is on this thread.

I think Nightgremlin has it spot on:

we [women] are far more likely to be blamed in some way for the attack

Women constantly receive messages - overtly or otherwise - not to go out alone, not to wear provocative clothing, not to go to certain places after dark, not to walk around with headphones in - essentially not to make ourselves vulnerable to attack (by men). Regardless of stats, I don’t think men are subject to the same messages.

By extension, if a woman was to be subject to an attack and did not heed one or more of the warnings mentioned above - I.e. she was alone at night or was wearing something deemed to be inappropriate- she would very likely be blamed and may find it hard to bring her attacker to justice under the criminal justice system (the recent Irish rape/thong case comes to mind). I firmly believe that men have the privilege not to alter their behaviour and to be believed/sympathised with if an attack happens.

PlantsArePeopleToo
Do you not think that perhaps the reason men are more likely to be the victim of violent crime is a result of them being more likely to take risks than women are?

Firstly I do agree with the OP

but how do you equate this this buying food after a night out?

The truth is that some men are arseholes and will attack other people because they enjoy it, the majority of people that are attacked on nights out do nothing to provoke the attack.

And to add that were I attacked at work, not only do I think there would be a contingent saying I'd put myself at risk doing that job, but I think the company I work for would also be asked 'What did you put in place to keep her safe'? Meaning over and above the usual health and safety arrangements for anyone in a lone working position. Effectively directing blame towards them as well as me, instead of where the blame lies - with the attacker.
I don't know what the answer is, because telling predatory men to not do it doesn't work, and the safety measures we take as women probably does save attacks, of course there can't be any statistics to support that because you don't know that you would have been attacked had you walked through that park, but because you chose to get a licensed can you weren't.

Some people's lives sound exhausting! All that unnecessary fear and anxiety! All that time and effort to avoid perceived risks! Madness!

Randomchap
I work for a company and there are as many safeguarding systems in place as possible.
My point was really that I consider and evaluate constantly during my working day - mostly subconsciously I guess, whereas my male colleagues would not naturally do so