I have done something terrible and I need to confess.

[StressfullTimes]

I have name changed through embarrassment and so this thread can't be linked to my future posts as admitting to this more than once is unthinkable. I am at the point of desperation and can't see away out of the mess I am in and fear of just making it worse. I had to move area not through choice but it was a necessary move, I was re-homed by a housing association it was at the start of the year. I moved and started up home with not very much and 11 months down the line I am still in the same boat. I was lucky in the fact that I got a grant from the housing people of a cooker, fridge freezer and washing machine so didn't need to buy them but all the other things I need I still don't have. I try and put a little away each week to save up for one thing at a time but never seem to get there. Money is tight and I know it is for many and there are many people worse of than me but I am so desperate right now I am considering a Provident loan. It would solve my short term problem of my ds has grown and I have no cash to buy anything but would make my next few months tougher than they are now as I can't afford the repayments. I did something on Friday I was not proud but desperation took over, I am not excusing my behaviour I am very ashamed of myself just trying to explain what drove me to it. My ds lost a jumper at school I can't afford to replace it so looked in lost property thankfully it was there so I took it back but I also took a pair black jogging bottoms in his size that weren't his so he had something to wear this weekend. I know it was wrong and I feel very guilty this behaviour is really not who I am.

Okay, so put them back, say you made a mistake. Crisis over. You were feeling desperate and guilt took over. Clear your conscience and hand them back. Plenty of very cheep gear at charity shops.

Oh don’t feel bad. You’re clearly having a really hard time of things right now and you were caught by temptation. I know I’ve been there so go easy on yourself.

I truly hope things turn around for you very soon

Wash and take the jogging bottoms back. Say you took them in error.

I'm sure a high proportion of stuff found in lost property is never claimed, especially the stuff without name tags. If your son was my DC's classmate and I knew what was going on, I'd happily find you some second hand clothes for your DS.

I don't think you're a bad person, I think you're someone who is really struggling and is doing what they can for their DS.

Goodness me OP, I thought you’d turned to prostitution when I read it. Please don’t be quite so harsh on yourself and obviously don’t do it all the time but you’ve got such a guilt because you are a good person who has a conscious. How old is your son?

Don’t take a Provident loan.

Don’t worry about the joggers.

What is your income and what are your outgoings? Perhaps the posters here can help with budgeting or suggestions.

It sounds like you’re doing your best under very difficult circumstances. In the grand scheme of things this is not the crime of the century.

Send the trousers back into school with your DS and say you picked them up by mistake. You’ll feel much better.

Then it might be worth thinking about other ways you can access help. Have you thought about food banks? Are you getting all the benefits you are entitled to? Are there other grants available?

This isn’t who you are, and you aren’t a bad person

Things sound tough for you, please don’t beat yourself up over a pair of jogging bottoms

Has it really come to provident loans being your only option? Could you manage to get an appointment with CAB and see if they can point you in another direction?

I also think it’s worth speaking to school. There’s nothing shameful about seeking support when you need it and they may know of some schemes to help you out with clothes if you need them.

Things will get better, hang in there x

Desperation leads us to do things we wouldn't normally. No, what you did wasn't right, but it's been taken from lost property, so you've got a chance to put it right by taking them back on Monday and saying that you thought they were DSs but you found his at home.
Now that's out the way is there a particular reason you're so broke? Like a UC changeover or not getting the right benefits? There's a lot of knowledgeable people on here that can help with that kind of stuff.

Have you tried shops like tesco or Primark they are fairly ok prices.

Also check charity shops.

Wash them and put them back when they’re dry. I can’t offer any advice on any of the other stuff though, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time.

I don't have much advice money-wise (perhaps speak to Citizen's Advice, if there's one near you, or over the phone, to see if you are getting all money you're entitled to?) - but don't feel bad. People do desperate things when they need to create a small amount of normality for their children and it's not like you stole them off a child - see if you can have a look in any charity shops for a couple of bits, or Asda have boy's joggers for about £5 (not a small amount, I know, but if you can stretch for a week or so, you could wash and return the others with a white lie that you thought they were his - no harm done). Also, keep an eye on local facebook groups for people selling or giving away bundles of children's clothes cheap, I seem to see that quite a lot.

I'd say avoid the Provident loan if you can - I remember what they were like from my own childhood, and they can be difficult to break out of once you're in the cycle - BUT also don't feel bad for doing what you need to for your son. Good luck

I thought you were going to same something awful from the build up.

You sound as though you are really struggling financially, bless you. Please, please try not to take the loan, that will really get you in the shit good and proper.

Talk to your housing association - they may be able to ask around their staff to see if any of them have clothes their sons have grown out of that they can pass on.

I work for a HA and I know we have done this for tenants in the past.

Seriously I wouldn’t worry at all. I have taken jumpers from school lost property knowing they were not my dcs but also mine were lost and I can’t afford to replace them.
You are clearly struggling and doing the best you can, calm down and don’t over think it. You haven’t robbed a bank. Sometimes we all have to do things to get by.

Have sent you a pm OP.

This happens all the time at school hun.
Please get in touch with the family support worker tomorrow who may have donated clothes to give you. They will also be able to refer you to a food larder.
There are grants here and there which can help, you just need to start asking for help.

Can you talk to the school? As pp said most lost property isn't claimed. They may be willing to pop some clothes aside for you instead of taking to charity shop. They may also be able to refer you to a food bank.

Crime of the century

Send them back, don't worry about it 🙂

so much lies in lost property going unclaimed. Poverty pushes people to do out of character things.

You sound like you're slightly drowning and coupd do with getting any more real life support that is available to you

How old is your little boy? What colours are his uniform? My son is 7 and has outgrown some stuff. Xx

If there is no name tag then don’t worry.

OP if you are struggling I think at this point food banks and freecycle will be better than taking out a loan that you know will make you worse off in the future.

If you can, look on free sites and get what clothes you can. I have to try and find clothes that are one or two sizes two big so I don't have to worry about buying new ones too soon.

I was bracing myself for much worse then. If you give them back the worst you did was borrowing without asking. Chances are the owner has long grown out of them though. Take a breath.

You honestly mustn't worry. Our school would let you help yourself to lost property. They gave me some uniform when I was struggling.