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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I have done something terrible and I need to confess.

270 replies

StressfullTimes · 18/11/2018 19:41

I have name changed through embarrassment and so this thread can't be linked to my future posts as admitting to this more than once is unthinkable. I am at the point of desperation and can't see away out of the mess I am in and fear of just making it worse. I had to move area not through choice but it was a necessary move, I was re-homed by a housing association it was at the start of the year. I moved and started up home with not very much and 11 months down the line I am still in the same boat. I was lucky in the fact that I got a grant from the housing people of a cooker, fridge freezer and washing machine so didn't need to buy them but all the other things I need I still don't have. I try and put a little away each week to save up for one thing at a time but never seem to get there. Money is tight and I know it is for many and there are many people worse of than me but I am so desperate right now I am considering a Provident loan. It would solve my short term problem of my ds has grown and I have no cash to buy anything but would make my next few months tougher than they are now as I can't afford the repayments. I did something on Friday I was not proud but desperation took over, I am not excusing my behaviour I am very ashamed of myself just trying to explain what drove me to it. My ds lost a jumper at school I can't afford to replace it so looked in lost property thankfully it was there so I took it back but I also took a pair black jogging bottoms in his size that weren't his so he had something to wear this weekend. I know it was wrong and I feel very guilty this behaviour is really not who I am.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/11/2018 20:23

But she hasn’t asked for any money

It's not unusual for posters to privately message someone claiming Financial difficulty and offer.

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2018 20:23

Cough it is a standard disclaimer on threads like these. Nothing sinister, nothing implied, just a standard warning. Have you never seen it before?

louisejxxx · 18/11/2018 20:24

I was expecting you to say that you’d swiped something from a shop, not taken something from schools lost property.

I really wouldn’t think on it - you’ve probably done them a favour by removing a bit of clutter that would’ve only ended up sitting there for even longer than it already has, or got put in a charity bag.

WorraLiberty · 18/11/2018 20:25

She doesn't have to ask for money for some people to offer it

Anyway, someone's already offered her clothes, so that's the 'gift' part of the MN warning.

maplebaconbun · 18/11/2018 20:26

Not sure where you are based but I would make an appointment with someone at school who is in the pastoral support team. I work with school on issues like this with families. They will support you.

Like others have suggested freebies are always going on the internet. Bundles of clothing on Facebook market place go for free. My DSs school also sells pre owned uniform for 20p. They may do something similar at yours.

Try and get some food bank vouchers ? Contact your local Early Intervention team ?

Thanks
ShesABelter · 18/11/2018 20:29

What age is your son?

GoneGirl · 18/11/2018 20:30

Also just wanted to say don't worry about it,

things sound really tough and no judgement here at all.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 18/11/2018 20:31

The fact that you are so worried about it says that you are not a bad person, and you should not beat yourself up about it. Just wash them and take them back. But more worrying is this loan - presumably they will sting you for shocking amounts of interest. They honestly are sharks and will make your situation worse in the end. Can you go to CAB to see if you are eligible for more financial help? I hope things work out for you, you sound like a caring mum Flowers

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 18/11/2018 20:32

Good lord. You are absolved! Most stuff in lost property is never claimed. Just don’t worry my love

Tiredofit · 18/11/2018 20:34

It’s fine. Ds3 often comes home with items that don’t belong to him. Just send them back tomorrow. Our local cathedral give new winter coats for children who need them and lunches in the school holidays. They also take and give out good second hand clothes. Ask around or visit citizens advice and see if their is anything like that available where you are. How old is ds? I have some age 10/11/12 clothes I could post to you.

FrumpyTrumpy · 18/11/2018 20:38

Kids lose stuff and it goes home with the wrong person all the time. Just return them.

CandyCreeper · 18/11/2018 20:38

just get a budgetting loan if not working?

i wish people wouldnt say to just keep them though, my sons coat got stolen at school and i didnt have money to replace it, the person the op took them from could be in the same boat. take them back.

Carolcool · 18/11/2018 20:38

Definitely contact school, there are people who's job it is to support you.

Definitely don't go to the Provident!
They are absolute bastards preying on the desperate.

Good luck to you xx

Desmondo2016 · 18/11/2018 20:40

Keep the jogging bottoms sweety . (Unless they're named!!). You're having a tough time. Its a pair of lost trousers sat in a box. Make use of them.

RandomMess · 18/11/2018 20:41

Speak to the school in confidence they will be glad to help you!!! You are not alone, the school will have helped out people before and others will get helped in the future Thanks

StressfullTimes · 18/11/2018 20:44

I am reading through the replies now on page 2 so far and a lot of you have been kinder than I deserve. For those who ask DS is 9 so he is of an age where he knows I am struggling unfortunately.

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 18/11/2018 20:48

Please don't get a provident loan.
Have you looked at Freecycle for stuff for your house? Dd2 practically furnished her house from there. What do you need?
Our local church makes up bundles of clothes for children from donations and gives them to children that need them (often identified through the food bank scheme but will happily give to anyone in need).

thegreatbeyond · 18/11/2018 20:49

A request on Freecycle would probably help quite a bit!

Graphista · 18/11/2018 20:49

Wash & return and say it was a mistake.

Then let us try and help you sort your financial difficulties?

I live in a very deprived area, there are several free Facebook pages with people frequently giving away all sorts. From clothes & unwanted gifts (often toiletries) to furniture and even flooring!

I was in your EXACT position last year. I got my living room suite, armchair and other bits and bobs free on our local one. The chap who runs it is fab, knows who's really struggling and discreetly puts them in touch with people who can help or "advertises" "someone in need [ie anon] - can anyone supply X y z?" He collects & delivers too bless him for those who can't afford man and van. He and others are also helping out the local homeless street sleepers get hot meal at least once a day - bargaining with local businesses that if they'll donate he'll promote their business on the page. Good publicity for them, food for homeless.

The schools & foodbanks here give clothes to those in need.

There's also freecycle and gumtree.

Also are you getting everything you're eligible for? Is your child? Have you cut back wherever you reasonably can?

Joining a credit union is a great idea, also look on mse for advice on getting reputable loans (Provi are legalised bloody loan sharks frankly!) from various sources.

Do you have anything you can pawn or sell?

CoughLaughFart - unfortunately especially this time of year there are sometimes threads posted by unscrupulous posters claiming hardship. Not directly asking but banking on the kindness of posters and taking advantage of that. I'm. I'm not at all saying that's true of op but it would be remiss of mnhq not to urge caution.

princesstiasmum · 18/11/2018 20:50

Do you have a Rainbow centre where you are? might becalled something different but ours is attached to the local food bank, they are a charity for the homeless, but and people such as yourself,they often have clothes and i know people who have been given cookers and washers and other furniture, so i would enquire at your local CAB if youhave one
I hope things turn around for you
I would take the joggers back and say you picked them up by mistake,if they are in the lost property box and not claimed you might be told you can keep them,
Also sometimes schools have clothes that have been donated by children who have grown out of them
Times are hard these days for some people

LizzieVereker · 18/11/2018 20:51

It’s OK, you took them for your son because you really needed them. Take them back when you can spare them. You’re not a bad personality. I really hope things get better for you soon.

IHeartKingThistle · 18/11/2018 20:52

If those joggers belonged to my DS and I knew that's why you'd taken them I'd gladly write them off. So sorry you're going through this OP.

cocomagic · 18/11/2018 20:53

i have lost LOADS of stuff over the years (must be around 15 jumpers, 7 skirts and 7 blouse shirts) and never once bothered looking in lost property. Im sure they wont be missed and you need them. I wouldnt make it a habit but I also would just take them and maybe replace them with a pair for someone else to "borrow" when you have a bit more money.

tempester28 · 18/11/2018 20:53

Don't take them back because the school office would want to get rid of them at the end of term when nobody collects them! Don't feel bad.

WorraLiberty · 18/11/2018 20:54

Unless you couldn't afford to, IHeartKing

Lots of Mumsnetters have posted over the years about how they simply can't afford the amount of kids clothes that go missing in school.

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