I have done something terrible and I need to confess.

[StressfullTimes]

I have name changed through embarrassment and so this thread can't be linked to my future posts as admitting to this more than once is unthinkable. I am at the point of desperation and can't see away out of the mess I am in and fear of just making it worse. I had to move area not through choice but it was a necessary move, I was re-homed by a housing association it was at the start of the year. I moved and started up home with not very much and 11 months down the line I am still in the same boat. I was lucky in the fact that I got a grant from the housing people of a cooker, fridge freezer and washing machine so didn't need to buy them but all the other things I need I still don't have. I try and put a little away each week to save up for one thing at a time but never seem to get there. Money is tight and I know it is for many and there are many people worse of than me but I am so desperate right now I am considering a Provident loan. It would solve my short term problem of my ds has grown and I have no cash to buy anything but would make my next few months tougher than they are now as I can't afford the repayments. I did something on Friday I was not proud but desperation took over, I am not excusing my behaviour I am very ashamed of myself just trying to explain what drove me to it. My ds lost a jumper at school I can't afford to replace it so looked in lost property thankfully it was there so I took it back but I also took a pair black jogging bottoms in his size that weren't his so he had something to wear this weekend. I know it was wrong and I feel very guilty this behaviour is really not who I am.

Don’t feel ashamed OP. Austerity has hit single mothers particularly hard, you are not to blame for your current state of financial distress.

That said, you need to swallow your pride and actively seek help. Lots of charities and individuals would love to be of assistance to you and your children but they need to know who you are and what you need, don’t be reticent in putting yourself forward. You and your children are deserving. Let those that can, help you now and when you’re in a better place, do as others have said and pay it forward.

Cross post.

That’s a great start stressful. Well done for being proactive, keep it up.

We end up with so much stuff in our lost property that they put it all out in the yard at the end of term for people to claim it. Hundred of jumpers, few with names in. When I was hunting for one of DS's once, the Head was passing by. She winked and said 'Oh, just find one the right size and take it. We're overflowing with them. In fact, take two!' I don't know how some parents don't even bother to go looking of their child loses a coat, pair of shoes or several pe kits. I'm skint so need every single item back!

I honestly wouldn't beat yourself up too much about this. Yes, it's not right, but you could donate outgrown uniform to the school to make up for it later? Or wash the stuff aft r wearing and return it, saying you took it home by mistake. They'd probably say you were too honest at our school!

Speak to the school about your situation.

I haven't time to read the whole thread, so I may be repeating.

1. Have you talked to the school about your situation - for example do you get free school meals?
2. Have you spoken to Citizen's advice.
3. We have a Community Law Service in our town who are able to help with benefits. Maybe your town has one.

Firstly, hand the clothes back. No one will think anything of it. If there is a family worker, speak to them. We have one who would be able to help. If you can’t do that then please, please seek out support. Look online and see if any nearby church has a food bank. They will often also be able to russle up clothes if you explain. If you can’t face it in person. Send an email explaining. I volunteer in our local food bank and we really try to help people wherever we can and we never judge. I promise.

I have swallowed my pride and asked for a voucher to the food bank, the extra bit of food that provides will take some pressure off. There is 2 in my area one is the Trussel Trust the other is independent and run through a church, I have been advised I can use both but not sure I will as that seems a little greedy. The church run one will give the children an advent calendar if they are available which I know they will love so swinging towards that one at the moment. It is little things like an advent calendar that will mean the world to my dc especially the youngest.

Almost all those we help are ordinary people, doing nothing wrong, trying to survive, who could be me if one or two things swung the wrong way. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone.

Use both if you need to. Honestly, I would be so sad if someone didn’t get the help we wanted to provide because they were worried about seeming greedy.

What age are your children? Feel free to say no, but I have about 16 bags of children's clothes up stairs that my children have out grown (ill be keeping some when I find out the sex of my baby Wednesday) but the rest will be going to the charity shop. They are all in great condition and I would be more than happy to sort through and send some if they will help. Feel free to inbox me

Return them.

Please go and speak to the head of school. Explain your circumstances and ask if there's any help that can be provided. Here, we retain lost property for 2 months and then it's available to buy for a small donation (£1 per item). Our head makes sure the families who are in need of help, get help.

I got the voucher from the council drop in clinic and I think I can use it 3 times but I may have misunderstood that. I feel so much better for just saying aloud I need help and would urge anybody in the same position to do the same. Last night I think I hit rock bottom and maybe I needed to to except help. I still need to go into school to talk about the joggers and the donation for the cakes. I haven't mentioned the cakes yet as it seems so trivial but I think that is what pushed me over the edge. There was a children in need cake sale at school Friday £1 a cake I didn't send dc with money as I didn't have it, a teacher gave dc a cake as they were only ones that didn't have a cake and said mum can pay on Monday problem is I can't but hopefully they will let me sort something out.

You sound like a very decent person going through some really tough times. As others have said you can just take them back and say you made a mistake but most likely they've been there for ages and remained unclaimed. Hope things get better for you.

Op pls don't worry about the joggers. I have some bits my DS never wore and he's too big for now so still new and I would be happy to send them to you or somewhere you could collect them. I have a pair of black sch shoes size 3, a mountain warehouse Navy coat aged 10-11yrs and 3 pairs of grey joggers aged 10-11. Happy to send if they could be of use to you.

Use both, that’s what they are there for. It’s not greedy your taking care of your children best you can

Another that guessed you were going to confess to prostitution.

Items stay in lost property unclaimed for months. The jogging bottoms probably cost a fiver max and I doubt whoever it is misses them too much else they’d have reclaimed them already. If there’s no name in them then I really wouldn’t get worked up about it, parents do it all the time and actually some schools encourage it.

Go to the school and ask if they have a school home liaison officer, if they do, ask to see them. They can be absolutely brilliant in helping you access help, both for your DC and for yourself.

Chances are, they will have a bunch of unclaimed lost property. At our school they clear it once a term, and advise parents that anything left on X date will go to a charity shop. From this they can give you some bits and pieces to help you through.

Sign up to Freecycle and ask for second hand clothing on there, stress that you're not fussy as to the brand, you just need warm clothing for your DC. A lot of people would be delighted to hand over clothes if you were to go and collect them. Saves them the hassle of making a trip to the charity shop.

It's not so easy at this time of year, but if you can find a place that runs car boot sales near you, they are an absolute smorgasbord of bargains IF they have lots of occasional sellers, the ones that have professionals don't have the same bargains.

Go to both food banks, and keep going until you feel you are in a position to stop. DO NOT feel bad about this, you need to what ever is necessary to keep the roof over your head and you and your children warm and fed.

Do you owe money for gas or electricity? If so you can apply to the Charis fund for help to pay it off.

Op there's some great advice on this thread. Just wanted to add what you didn't isn't awful please don't beat yourself up x

You are NOT greedy. It's the loan sharks and 'loan companies' who are greedy and don't care if children go hungry or have no clothes.

You have made a wonderful start today. Keep going - you can do it, and we're all behind you. If you qualify for both food banks, that's fine. Anything that helps you and your DC rather than keeping company high-ups in luxury funded by others' misery.

You have made really brilliant progress - good for you!

Please go and talk to your school. I guarantee you will not be the only person in the school in this position. They will be able to help and also things like cake sales etc will all be glossed over in class by the teacher. Sadly, they are used to dealing with people who face your challenges. But they are very discrete - which is why you won't have noticed anyone else getting the same treatment.

Use both food banks.

And if you can, talk to your local church, they will have helped people in your situation before. They will have someone responsible for pastoral care and can help you - they might even have a freezer full of food for you. Mine does. No praying necessary ;-)

Re cakes, when we have a school cake sale and a child comes to the stall but has no money (or not enough) I give them a cake and say they can pay 'later' meaning have it for free.

Having said that I'm surprised every other child had money as in our school only about 50% of parents give their kids money for cakes.
I'd keep the jogging bottoms if I were you.

I have messaged you privately OP :)

Medusa