I have done something terrible and I need to confess.

[StressfullTimes]

I have name changed through embarrassment and so this thread can't be linked to my future posts as admitting to this more than once is unthinkable. I am at the point of desperation and can't see away out of the mess I am in and fear of just making it worse. I had to move area not through choice but it was a necessary move, I was re-homed by a housing association it was at the start of the year. I moved and started up home with not very much and 11 months down the line I am still in the same boat. I was lucky in the fact that I got a grant from the housing people of a cooker, fridge freezer and washing machine so didn't need to buy them but all the other things I need I still don't have. I try and put a little away each week to save up for one thing at a time but never seem to get there. Money is tight and I know it is for many and there are many people worse of than me but I am so desperate right now I am considering a Provident loan. It would solve my short term problem of my ds has grown and I have no cash to buy anything but would make my next few months tougher than they are now as I can't afford the repayments. I did something on Friday I was not proud but desperation took over, I am not excusing my behaviour I am very ashamed of myself just trying to explain what drove me to it. My ds lost a jumper at school I can't afford to replace it so looked in lost property thankfully it was there so I took it back but I also took a pair black jogging bottoms in his size that weren't his so he had something to wear this weekend. I know it was wrong and I feel very guilty this behaviour is really not who I am.

Do you have a local "pass it on" type of facebook group? Have a look and see. Ours is great and you can request as well as give.

I am a school secretary. If the joggers are not named I would be 100% turning a blind eye. We have SO much stuff in lost property I would actually be happy to know someone had put it to good use in times of financial trouble

It makes me so angry that you are in this position. My heart goes out to you.

You've had some good advice here so I won't add to it but just wanted to Serbs you my best and I hope things gets easier for you soon.

Austerity needs to end. I hate the people running/ruining this country atm.

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. You are a good mother and taking a pair of leggings is not at all a big deal.
I work in a school and we have piles of unclaimed uniform. I regularly give unclaimed items to my less well off pupils .

I also got told by school secretary to take a jumper out of lost property when my daughters named one went missing in first week of school. I think k people do keep them if they come home with wrong ones even if named. So don’t worry op, they would name them if can’t afford to lose.

We were told once if it's not named and your child has lost a coat ever! Then help yourself because it's all going to charity tonight it all found homes no one complained most of the people taking clothing were working parents

Just keep the joggers if you need them (And if they are un labled) it really isn't the end of the world

Don't worry about it but please don't take out a provident lone. Get in contact with CAP (Christians against Poverty), they're a really good charity who can give you debt advice & further information. They are aligned to the church but they don't push the religious agenda.

capuk.org

Please don’t worry. Talk to your school. I know it must be difficult to be open about financial difficulties but they would welcome your honesty and I’m pretty sure can probably supply you with a whole bag of clothing no one has claimed. If not pm me and I’ll send you some.

Gutted for you, as previous posters have said, wash and put them back, they may even say keep them?, Please don't beat yourself up, you are a good person who is struggling through hard times, charity shops and primark are your friends, especially after Christmas when the sales are on, sending you lots of love

Does your school PTFA do secondhand uniform, if you have a word with the school you could probably have a whole set for free.
I second not taking a loan.
Charity shops are great for growing kids. Maybe drop a few hints to family or friends with older kids about how much you’d appreciate hand me downs.
Does your sons dad not pay maintenance- go through child maintenance if he doesn’t.

If you live local to North Wales/Chester drop me a pm OP

Do you recieve any benefits? You could apply for a budgeting loan if so. You could get £800 at 0% interest.

I'd love to send you my ds clothes that he has outgrown op. Please do send me a pm.

If they are unlabelled then I wouldn't bother sending them back.

Our lost property always has a massive amount in it and the staff always just tell you to take whatever you need if unlabelled.

I tend to think of it more as 'borrowing', if I take something unlabelled from lost property, I don't label it and it will make it's way back to the pile anyway...

Better those trousers are keeping your bogs legs warm then sitting in a cupboard somewhere.

Yes the budgeting loan is a good idea.
If you're anywhere in London please do send me a pm.

Definitely talk to school, especially as it's coming up to the end of term, they're likely to be getting rid of lost property and they could well put some items aside for you instead of charity shopping them. Plus if school know your situation, they might be able to help support your son too. Lots of primary schools now have some sort of provision for space to chat to kids, ours is called Thrive. It might give him access to talk through anything that's worrying him.

For clothing, get on Facebook, Freecycle, eBay and Gumtree. Depending on where you are, it might be worth looking in charity shops in different areas or surrounding towns too, if you can get there. I've found some areas better than others for quality and range. eBay is cheaper if you're looking for the next season, so summer in winter.

Please try to avoid a loan, you're right that it will scupper you for the next few months or longer if you can't afford it. I know that's very easy for me to say though.

If you do apply for a budgeting loan make sure you list all the debts you are repaying. The repayments taken from your benefits will be lower if you are honest about your situation and show you are paying lots to creditors already.

First of all, well done battling through such hard times and keeping a sense of right and wrong. You haven't done something terrible - I imagined you had done very much worse.. I'm sorry you are going though such a hard time.

I know its hard but you could tell the school. Schools are unfortunately increasingly used to children in poverty and teachers often find ways to help discretely when they can. Eg one teacher friend tells me he always picks up extra sandwiches from local supermarket on the way to school trips and offers them to any child who has 'forgotten' their own. Always the same children come forward. It is a terribly sad indictment of where we are now and says a lot about society that you are in this predicament.

Also look on freecyle and freegle when you need something. These give away things free within a local area and you may find some of the things you need. You can make requests as well as looking at offers.

Good luck.

It really isn’t that terrible so please don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s not like you mugged an old lady and it is easily rectified if you take them back. I hope things get easier for you op.

Just to add my best wishes and endorse the many excellent suggestions here.

First priority is to avoid the loan. Keep working through the tips - talk to school and HA. Maybe make a list of what you need and then follow up suggestions to match up as much as possible. Don't forget you'll be helping the environment, too - we pour so much into landfill. Maybe get your DS involved - making a list and seeing what you can find together?

Don't be ashamed - there are people who understand and will help. Even if things are a bit makeshift, it'll give you breathing space.

It's like that coca cola bus, for mumsnet.

Most stuff in lost property is never collected. If it has no name on them don't worry.

How Old is your son? I have a couple of pairs of plain black joggers in a bag of clothes I have put aside to take to the charity shop that might fit him.

I hope things improve soon.

Are you sure you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled to OP?

Do NOT take out a Provident loan. You will never pay it off.

Are there local foodbanks or charities that can assist you?

www.gingerbread.org.uk

OP keep the trousers I can’t imagine the person who’s they used to be needs them more than your little one. Don’t give up OP it won’t always be like this you sound like a lovely mum