I have done something terrible and I need to confess.

[StressfullTimes]

I have name changed through embarrassment and so this thread can't be linked to my future posts as admitting to this more than once is unthinkable. I am at the point of desperation and can't see away out of the mess I am in and fear of just making it worse. I had to move area not through choice but it was a necessary move, I was re-homed by a housing association it was at the start of the year. I moved and started up home with not very much and 11 months down the line I am still in the same boat. I was lucky in the fact that I got a grant from the housing people of a cooker, fridge freezer and washing machine so didn't need to buy them but all the other things I need I still don't have. I try and put a little away each week to save up for one thing at a time but never seem to get there. Money is tight and I know it is for many and there are many people worse of than me but I am so desperate right now I am considering a Provident loan. It would solve my short term problem of my ds has grown and I have no cash to buy anything but would make my next few months tougher than they are now as I can't afford the repayments. I did something on Friday I was not proud but desperation took over, I am not excusing my behaviour I am very ashamed of myself just trying to explain what drove me to it. My ds lost a jumper at school I can't afford to replace it so looked in lost property thankfully it was there so I took it back but I also took a pair black jogging bottoms in his size that weren't his so he had something to wear this weekend. I know it was wrong and I feel very guilty this behaviour is really not who I am.

If you have a local Salvation Army they are great at co-ordinating donations of stuff.

Our local lady posts on Facebook for specific items that are needed which I like because you know that the stuff is going to where it is genuinely needed.

The school can help you if you are struggling and as others have said, ask at the CAB to make sure you’re receiving everything you’re entitled to.

This is heartbreaking. You really need to stop beating yourself up, you are trying to keep your head above water. The likelihood is those joggers have been festering in lost property for weeks. I don’t think anyone here thinks you have done anything remotely terrible. I really wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you manage to find some support. I think your school might be a sympathetic ear. If you really are guilt ridden I would take them back saying you thought they were your sons but subsequently found his under his bed.

OP keep them and forget about it. Our school regularly dispose of any uncollected items so it's daft for you to not give them a wanted home. Truly & honestly, strike it from your list of things to worry about - you have much bigger things to concern yourself about 😀

Where in country are you? I have a lot of uniform that 12 year old child has grown out of. Still got some 9-10 stuff too. Black trousers, white polo and Navy sweatshirts and PE stuff too. Got a lot of weekend clothing too, 8-9, 9-10 some including PJ's not even worn. I'd be happy to let you have them. I have already taken a few loads to Salvation Army.

Don't think about it
It's not that bad
The world won't end
It's a pair of joggers. Perspective

I got my black cardigan back after I left it in the pub. Realised later it wasn't mine. Never mind, I thought, someone else might get mine. I don't think it's a very big deal.

When I was teaching, staff got free school dinners for doing duty at lunch time. We had to do the duty so I would take a couple of sandwiches and fruit and carton of milk and leave it on my desk for anyone who 'forgot their lunch or who did not have enough lunch. The same kids always came forward to get it and I preferred to bring in my own meal and microwave. If at tend of term their was any stuff in lost property unclaimed I would offer it to same kids and they nearly always took it. Don't feel guilty you are doing your best for your son, no one could do more.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Just wondering, did you have a Catholic upbringing? The guilt is out of proportion to the act.

Look on Facebook for free sites for some of the things that you need. The people on the pages for my area are really helpful - you can ask for items.

If you live near me (I'm in Coventry), I would help you somehow.

I am not begging gamerchick I was just trying to get something off of my chest, it took me alot to admit my mistake.
To answer a few questions I have 3dc youngest is 7 and never needed to claim before. I had to claim due to a massive change of circumstances and unfortunately the job centre don't seem to care that I have more than the 2 kids even though she was born well before the 3rd child rule, it has punished my children no end and in all honesty they don't deserve it. I took the joggers and that was very wrong of me, I know that. I am not condoning my behaviour in anyway and many of you have been very kind and understood why I did this terrible thing. I took them as my ds has nothing but 2 sets school uniform to wear he is 9 and the casual clothes he says are age 6-7 and very much to small. It is my fault I grabbed the wrong bag. The child who the joggers belonged to left the school before half term not that that justifies it. I have looked at the budgeting loan but I won't be able to manage the loss of income I am in the red each week as it is, Provident is a worse idea I know. Although I can only claim for 2 dc we were housed in a 3 bed but housing benefit cap at 2 bed rate as 3dc doesn't exist in their eyes, I use a lot of benefit to cover shortfall I need to keep the house I can't lose it. I am waffling now so will stop. Thank you for your kindness and not thinking I am an awful person.

Op you are desperate
I don’t judge you in the slightest
All the lost property stays lost or gets sold

I hope you got some
Financial advice on here

But don’t beat yourself up
Over this

Schools end up with loads of unlabelled, unclaimed lost property at the end of each year. There may even be an excess left from last year that you could ask them for, even though that might be embarrassing. I used to sometimes take hand me downs to the school for this purpose - thought they might send someone’s way more discreetly than I could.

Op if keeping the trousers will make you feel guilty return them and say you made a mistake. Freecycle or charity shops may help. If you can talk to the school you may be able to get help. Freecycle might also be able to help with the other things you are saving for.

Entitledto.co.uk has a benefit checker you could look at. If you need help doing the calculations citizens advice may be able to help. Some also distribute food vouchers.

I should say this sounds so tough. There is no way on earth I would judge you for this - especially as the child isn’t even at the school any more. Please please don’t waste any more worry on this.

That's good. I know you won't accept offers of money because you'll know we then get swamped this time of year from less than genuine people.

It sounds as if you need advice about your benefits. You shouldn't be affected by the more than 2 kid rule.

Do you have a kids clothing exchange scheme nearby? We have a local community centre one that gives you 10 credits on your first visit just for going (so that's 10 free items) and they always say they have loads given so don't worry about going over too. You aren't an awful person op

I have never used them but other people have recommended Christian's against poverty who can give you free advice and help you budget.
capuk.org

Sorry haven't read the full thread but agree with others if the joggers aren't named the it's probably best to keep them and forget about it, the chances of them ending back with their correct owner are slim. If they are named you and your class is on a whats app group you could say does anyone know x - ds brought the wrong joggers home from lost property bin. But only if you want to - we have lost stacks of uniform it's annoying but the full bins of clothes at school suggest we are not the only ones, likely as not your son has lost a piece of uniform at some point that has ended up with someone else by mistake at some point.

I know it's probably hard to do but do take help if you can, speak to the class teacher to find out if there are any schemes for families struggling to buy uniform.

Virtual hug - if you could put your child's sex and ages on here am sure fellow mumsnetters would gladly send you stuff their children have outgrown. If you get too many, maybe sell on eBay or something to get extra cash that way.
Have you tried a budget planner would that help?
Do you have a garden, I know it's probably too late now it's November but maybe think of growing your own veg?
Also try the site entitled to. You may find out you are not getting some benefits you msy be entitled to.
Depending on how long you have been claiming you may be entitled to a budgeting loan ( ask at the jobcentre). You used to be able to apply for one if you had been claiming more than 6 months.
Finally - I have a bunk bed needing a new home as my boys have grown up and left now. Needs new mattresses but you can have it for the cost of delivery of you want?
Pm me.

All the best and hope your situation gets better ASAP ( sending you virtual hugs )

I too thought that you were going to say you found a purse full of money and kept it, or something even worse from your introduction.

I would just second all of those people who say that schools are often awash in lost property. If it's not named and you have borrowed it for the weekend, then that is not a problem. The joggers can simply find their way back into lost property, but do have a quiet word with the school to see what they do at the end of term with unclaimed items.

Please please don't take out the provident loan. Explore every other option first, starting with the CAB.

Please stop!! you are NOT an awful person - you've just had a really grim difficult time.

Think - if someone you cared for said the same... How would you treat them?? . I'm sure more kindly than you're treating yourself!

Please be more kind to yourself. Please take up the offers of help

That doesn't sound right re only recognising 2 kids when you have 3.

Ins and outs but I thought it was born after a certain date? Or is it claiming after a certain date.

I'd be making an apt with CAB to get some advise.

And agree don't beat yourself up. Everyone and anyone can be desperate. It drives us to behave out of character.

Oh my goodness that totally justifies taking the joggers - the parent would probably be so glad that you have them rather than them ending up dumped.

Hope you get some advice re housing benefit shortfall.

I agree, keep the joggers especially since you know their original owner has left the school! You need to be pragmatic in your position.

Definitely ask the school if they can let you have any unclaimed lost property for your kids, and approach charity shops, free sites, and salvation army etc to get weekend clothes.

There are mountains and mountains of second hand, barely used kids clothes around, please help yourself to anything and everything available. You need the help and should not feel guilty in the slightest.

Someone has said I shouldn't be effected by 2 kid rule, is this true? The extra money would be such a relief. I first claimed benefits/tax credits Jan 2018 apart from child benefit claimed that from 2006. I did work before Jan but I moved quiet far away so the commute was unrealistic. The job centre say I am getting the right amount