AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

Lol what calm down. I'm sure the teacher will make a general remark that it's their last day..but honestly you feel insulted as a family?

Do you expect them to arrange counselling for your children's classmates?

I think that’s a really sad response. It can make a big difference to a class, or individuals within it, when a child leaves. Also important for your children to be supported through the changes.

However, I haven’t ever known this acknowledged or dealt with particularly well.

Presumably your children know they are moving? If so, they've probably talked about it with their friends already. Believe me, kids moving schools isn't all that traumatic!
When I've known that pupils are leaving, I've had a little farewell session on their last day with a signed card, it that's all.

Yes, ‘insulted’ is a bit strong - they don't need to hold a party for you.

You’re actually expecting them to have a class talk about your children leaving?

Wow

Nobody will give a shit after the first day. They’ll b well forgotten by the end of the week so why would they make a fuss?

DD2 left a school and her class made her leaves which said nice things about her on them.

DD3 left her class at a different time, and I think they just said that she was moving school and they said goodbye.

Children are quite resilient, and it isn't a big deal if it isn't made to be a big deal. DD3 went back to her old school for quite a while to pick up DD2, and kids would say hi and ask how the new school was. They all adjusted to the fact that she was at another school, despite initially finding it odd.

Teachers aren't responsible for managing children's friendships. They will know that your children are leaving and will respond appropriately if the children at the school are affected at school. I think to take offence that they're not doing a big song and dance about your children leaving is a bit over dramatic. In fact, I think that dealing with it in a low key manner is probably sensible.

@WeirdHandDryers bit harsh

Before I consider this further OP could you please confirm whether or not you are actually being serious?

What would you have liked the school to do differently? Have a leaving party with gifts? Special assembly?

If it's such a small close knit community every one in town probably knows your family is leaving soon anyway and it's old news!

It’s a bit of an over reaction to say you feel insulted, but I’m a bit surprised that the school do nothing at all. Our primary school would say goodbye in assembly, and the child leaving would take a glass pebble from a bowl to take with them (there was a pebble in the bowl to represent each child).

'Insulted' is probably a bit strong, but when children leave our school mid-year the class teacher organises a card that the other children and teachers who know the child sign or write a message on.

Parents often send in some treats for the class (if allowed).

It's definitely marked and all very positive, but sometimes there are a few tears.

Do none of you have any friends you knew from primary school or have children who have/had significant friendships at their school? I think this is basic life skills. Would rather my kids learnt about relationships from a young age.

I think that's a sad response from the school and dies make it sound as though they don't value the individual child. It would be nice for their classmates to make a card for them and say goodbye.

I think your expectations are a little high though.

Might be harsh but it’s true

Go into school and tell them that they have disrespected your family. Practice your best Marlon Brando Godfather impression in the mirror first. Let us know how it goes.

‘Nobody will give a shit after the first day. They’ll b well forgotten by the end of the week so why would they make a fuss?’

What a mean comment! This is obviously a small school and a family of three children is leaving. It IS important! They don’t need a song and dance, but a mention in assembly and YES, a class discussion, is not at all unreasonable.

I agree to an extent. Maybe your children could bring in a 'show and tell' about the place they're moving to? In my kids' class they've made 'goodbye' cards for people leaving.

But also, I suspect your upset and sad feeling is really about the fact that you're leaving, not about the school's response.

I'm not in touch with anyone I was at school with...but one of my dc is very close to her friends and would be heartbroken to leave them. I honestly think it would be like a bereavement for her. My other dc would adapt easily.

All I asked as a suggestion was could they have their shirts signed by the other pupils and the children told in class that my kids are moving on. I was going to give some sweets or something to let them give-out but wanted to check what school usually do. I didn’t expect ‘nothing’ to be the answer!!

Our dc are at a very small rural school too.

When children have left the teacher taking assembly on the last day has encouraged the rest of the school to wish them well, but that is it.

I think any more focus would just lead to both the leaving and remaining children getting more upset than necessary.

Kids leave schools all the time - it's up to you what happens, we threw a goodbye party for them to say goodbye to their friends. It's not for schools to do anything specific.

Huh? Not sure what you’re expecting the school to do?

When my kids left they got a card signed by the kids in their class and that was it. Wasn’t expecting any big dramatic event.