AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

Poloshot

😂 is this a joke? Your kids are leaving what's the issue do you want a brass band playing?

🤣

Now if a teacher was leaving, I could understand a bit of a fanfare - but somebody’s sprogs? Erm...nope.

Thus has got to be a reverse and a bonkers one at that. Lol

This

Goodness the people on here, cross about children writing cards for others and saying goodbye. And telling people who suggest it to try thinking. Most odd. Cards don't have to be a big deal, at the least you need a page of A4, some kids and pens. After 6 years the kids will be old enough to organise making a lovely card after being prompted by the teacher. They love to be appointed to do something like this and will usually happily do it during break. Although I guess it depends entirely upon the school, kids, and teachers. We were lucky to have a small village school where teachers were very caring and thoughtful.

mad comments here!

I don't see the OP asking for special stuff for her kids - just being a bit surprised that there's no way of marking what is a big change for the kids/family. And if it's a school without much turnover then I agree - I'm surprised that this change isn't marked a little bit!

At my kids' primary, the child will get a card (made by their class) at their final assembly. And at the end of the school year there are two sets of leavers' assemblies - one for the Year 6s, and then another for teachers/other leavers. Teachers get a LOT of fuss made of them. I don't think this is snowflakey at all. It's just nice. Like leaving drinks would be, if you were leaving work.

Should add, over the course of 7 years, perhaps 5 or 6 girls left max so it was more of a big deal. One girls came back to visit after 3 years and a group of girls got together and loved catching up. It's funny these different perspectives. I guess the word insulted is too far and has made people feel irritated. It sounds like some posters have entirely a different experience of school. In this thread we are talking about a small village school and a family who hasn't got privacy issues.

YANBU, it depends on the school and context. When my DD and DS left part way through year 6 and year 4 I wasn't sure what the school would do (I didn't expect much fuss) but they both had a lovely handmade giant card signed by the children and class teacher with lots of photos stuck on the front and a little teddy wearing a tiny school sweatshirt each. They also got invited to the front in assembly and everyone wished them good luck at their new school.

This was a village school and they had both attended the school nursery too, so DD had been at the school for 7 years, it had been a huge part of their life and DCs had been a big part of the other children's life.

OP

I’m going to hazard a guess

You don’t have many close friends
You struggle with small talk
You are often insulted and pissed off about things

The teachers will obviously do a little goodbye talk. But their main job is teaching. If they make a big fuss

1. They are not teaching enough
2. All of the children will start to like the idea of leaving
3. Children who are leaving may get overly anxious. Why not do a little farewell tea party for your children and friends? Then it avoids all those issues - and you can enjoy the moment.

In the Staffroom section there is a primary teacher who has 34 in her class, no TA and teaches essential interventions unpaid after school. Supervising groups of children making cards is not going to be high on her agenda!

Breaktime (unless I was on duty) I used for going to the loo, preparing for the next lesson, hearing individual readers, resolving behaviour problems or sometimes actually having a break!

@poppy54321 You've been told that there are sometimes domestic violence reasons to keep a moving quiet - someone on this very thread even said they had to move as they were in hiding from their father. When I said try thinking, it is that perhaps try thinking that there are often safety and security reasons, the world isn't as flowery and happy as you imagine it to be. You really have no idea. You mean well, but you have absolutely no idea. In addition, making a big fuss is detrimental to children psychologically.

I moved on from a few schools as a child, mid-term, and I might have received a card once or twice, but that's it.

It's not really the school's job, IMO to 'soften the blow' of a class member leaving as it's an everyday part of life. If said class member died or had a terminal illness, I'd expect some class discussion or an assembly (or perhaps counselling!) but someone moving house? No.

A classmate of my son's moved to Australia mid-term and his parents threw a goodbye party for him and all his friends - because it was their responsibility to sort out 'leaving' and minimise the accompanying stress and trauma on the kids, not the teacher's.