AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

I didn't do anything really when we moved. Might have taken some sweets in
2 nurseries, 3 primary schools, 3 secondaries, 2 colleges. I was in one primary school for only 6 weeks so didn't even bother with uniform!

Why don’t you throw a leaving party?

It's your job to teach time about relationships though, that's all stuff that you should be doing.

It was a small village school btw

your expectations are really high!

I think on the last day the teacher should explain and give the children a chance to say their goodbyes.

When I was younger, two foster children left my school and their foster parents also moved house soon afterwards. They were at the school for a very short time and no one remembered them. It was if they never existed. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye.

Bloody hell talk about over inflated sense of importance.
Just take in a few sweets and say bye.

Presumably they will tell their friends they are leaving/moving? People do you know and it doesn't usually result in mass hysteria! If you think your kids will not be able to cope with the move why are you making this choice? Everyone moves on with their own life. And if little Johnny misses your DC no doubt Little Johnny's mum will help him establish new friendships!

You don’t need it announced in class. Any children who are friends with yours will already know. Not see what “social skills” you expect the staff to be teaching your kids here.
Kids leave school. If you want to mark it then throw a goodbye party.

*them, not "time".

I've never, ever posted this before but:

It’s not a mean comment though, it’s true! I don’t remember anyone leaving at primary school because it just isn’t a big deal! Not sure what the OP expects?

When my DD left a school she had attended for 5 years, the whole class made a giant sorry you're leaving card and every child added a message to the card.

It was lovely. Some of the DC's even gave her a little gift.

This is hilarious

OP, if you want to do something for your kids leaving the school then do it.

Just try not to be so dramatic about it or they'll end up a laughing stock

We never had anything like that when kid had left when I was growing up and everyone was fine.

There really is no need to make a song and dance about it to be honest.. I'm sure they will tell who they wish without it needing to be a massive ordeal

If you want to hand stuff out. Ask if the school mind you handing stuff out.

Otherwise if it's a significant friendship it will probably continue out of school. Otherwise kids come and go

Insulted? For real?

I think your idea of sending in some treats is nice. The t shirt thing might be a bit disruptive but if the school are fine with it then all good.

Here's an alternative view. When some children leave a school, the school, parents and other children are hugely relieved and may silently rejoice.

This happened at my DC's school and some pupils were counting down the days.

It sounds harsh but the school's priority is the children that are staying at the school.

I'm not sure what you were expecting. You could still take sweets and a card into school on the last day to say 'thank you and goodbye'. You could pass on an email address depending on the age of the children. Equally you may be pleasantly surprised and find that your children leave with a card or even a gift from their class.

You can't engineer this though, it's a bit like all of the MN threads where people are disappointed that they didn't get a big enough leaving present.

Yes op, lots of people have friends from primary schools.
My dds best friend in reception, now five years on, is still her best friend. She left in reception and her mum took all her friends out for pizza express, organised by her. School weren't involved whatsoever. Would never have occurred to anyone that they would be or should be.

To say they've insulted your family is nothing short of absurd.

Anyone else read the OP with a mafia voice? Just me?

I think expecting a "process" is a bit too much really (and a tad precious tbh) but a class card and a good bye and good luck on the last day would be not too much to expect.

Kids are fickle and move on pretty quickly. Basic life skills and relationships? That's really the parents job

I know a few schools where nothing happens when kids leave. The rest of the class will be absolutely fine. If there is a spare afternoon or TA, a card might be made, but generally not.

Before I consider this further OP could you please confirm whether or not you are actually being serious ?

YABVU OP, yes.
Children move houses, move schools, move areas often. It really isn't that big a life changing event for 'those left behind'. Parents manage the emotions of the children who are moving. These days particularly, it is easy for dc to keep in touch with their own friends if they want to.
This really isn't a big event for the school, only for your family.

Christ, get a grip!
I moved schools either side of the Easter hols age 7 (moved house in the hols). Stopped going to one, started going to the other . No farewell apart from ‘Goodbye’. Kept in touch with one boy who was a friend by phone afterwards (1970s big dialled phone 😄). No harm done.