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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second hand baby stuff.

207 replies

LG123 · 15/11/2018 16:57

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

OP posts:
Santaispolishinghissleigh · 15/11/2018 16:59

Your dm has vast experience of how wasteful buying brand new is!!
You dc won't know /care about second hand. Save the savings up for a holiday instead!!

JupiterDrops · 15/11/2018 17:01

I was naively the same before my first. There months in and I realised not only is it ridiculous, but it's a waste of money to buy everything new and more importantly it's terrible for the planet.

I try to get all plastic toys second hand off Facebook or charity shops rather than unnecessarily buying new, which I save for birthdays etc.

You will realise soon you're being stupid.

LuvSmallDogs · 15/11/2018 17:04

I don’t mind secondhand, what I do mind is DPs and DILs buying fuck loads of crap I don’t want for the kids to clutter my effing house up with (this is after many mentions of clearing toys out for Santa etc).

So I would turn round and tell your DM “oh, how lovely for you to buy her things for when she’s visiting you, we don’t have room for all this at ours”Smile

NerrSnerr · 15/11/2018 17:04

It's a huge waste not to get at least some things second hand. Baby stuff is used for such a short time it's a massive waste of resources and your own money.

onlyonmumnet · 15/11/2018 17:04

Agree with pp...

Second hand is your friend. Money better off in their bank accounts.

Dandybelle · 15/11/2018 17:05

If you don't want it and you don't need it then ask her to sell it on. There are people out there who do need the second hand bits and bobs so if you're fortunate enough to not need them then pass them to someone who's need is greater and buy new Smile

StartingAgain1 · 15/11/2018 17:07

To be honest I would have a look at the stuff first. Baby stuff is hardly used before they move onto the next thing. You are lucky if you get more than a couple of months use from a bouncer, it's probably all like new. Or just let her keep it at hers for when you visit

notevenwithconsent · 15/11/2018 17:07

You are being a bit PFB.

I was skint when I had my first and friends and family off loaded loads of second hand stuff on us. I was grateful because we really couldn't afford to buy new, or at least it would have skinted us even more, but I would have loved to have been able to have even new clothes for him or a new buggy.

so I get it.

Littlecaf · 15/11/2018 17:09

While it’s your choice, once the baby is here you realise that she/he doesn’t like the £50 bouncer, hates the £60 playmat, loaths the £300 crib, won’t sit in the £800 travel system, is sick over the £10 baby grow...... you get the picture.

Skybooks · 15/11/2018 17:09

I thought exactly the Same, I was ok to receive clothes from friends with babies slightly older but not from strangers.

It didn't last long as I soon realised how much I had that never got used!

New or second hand it doesn't matter. If you don't want them please pass them on.

EnglishRose13 · 15/11/2018 17:09

I was exactly like you.

Two and a half years down the line and I've lightened up a bit.

seeingdots · 15/11/2018 17:09

Is it stuff to be used at her house? If so YABU but if not it's your prerogative to tell her you would rather choose new things yourself. You get some great bargains on second hand baby stuff because often things aren't used for all that long but it's really up to you what you want for baby.

PoppySeedBun18 · 15/11/2018 17:09

Pretty much all my DD’s stuff is second hand (and yes, she is my PFB) - perfectly good quality stuff and DD enjoys it all. Happy baby, happy parents. We live in a world which is so wasteful, and it’s a shame that things can’t be given a second life.

I quite like the fact she has things another DC has had...kind of gives things a back story somehow.

mossyroundhill · 15/11/2018 17:10

This is why the planet is going the way it is.

SaltedToPerfection · 15/11/2018 17:10

Yes yabu to ask her to get rid. Stop being so precious.

I got some amazing things from NCT sales. I had a mixture of second hand and new.

MuddyMoose · 15/11/2018 17:11

I guarantee you, within a year you'll have a completely different opinion :)

I could of wrote this but my sons now 2 & I have a completely different opinion! Honestly, baby / toddler / children stuff is so expensive! You'll be thankful for the good quality second hand offers. If it's a gift to my son, it's always new but I've had some great second hand toys off marketplace which were just like new & he doesn't care - loves & enjoys them all the same!

naicepineapple · 15/11/2018 17:11

I think you're being ridiculous but surely you just don't have to use the things your mum bought?

Bobbiepin · 15/11/2018 17:12

I thought the same until baby was here and I was on maternity pay (and later part time pay). If its clothes I give them a good wash first, even if coming from friends but otherwise if its in working order and is safe, yes please.

If you don't want the stuff at yours, what PP said about MIL having her own stuff is a great idea. Try not to slate it so openly as you may change your mind in the future and tbh you'll look like a bit of a snob now

grasspigeons · 15/11/2018 17:12

I think a lot of new mums get a lot of pleasure out of buying and setting up for a baby to begin with - so its a bit of a minefield for mums and mils who want to buy stuff to help out and join in, even when its well meant.

Maybe she could keep those at her house as spares so you don't have to cart a bouncer everywhere.

TheVanguardSix · 15/11/2018 17:12

You won't always feel this way, OP. It may take baby number two to get you there. But you'll probably change your view on this at some point.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 15/11/2018 17:14

First born by any chance? Your call if you can afford it, but as others have said not really necessary. If you have another baby will you chuck out all your PFBs stuff and buy brand new for that baby too? I very much doubt it as by then you will have realised it really isn't necessary. As others have said, ask your mum to keep it her place. By the way, the stair gate is the least of the stuff I'd want to keep. I wouldn't compromise on safety stuff personally.

SaltedToPerfection · 15/11/2018 17:16

My stair gates were all second hand from friends. Passing things on is a great way of getting rid of stuff.

ZackPizzazz · 15/11/2018 17:16

Yes YABU and ridiculously PFB. Buying everything new is pissing vast amounts of money down the drain and generating enormous unnecessary waste. Babies use so many things for barely five minutes.

gilmoregal · 15/11/2018 17:16

Children's stuff is really expensive and barely used, so most second hand things are in excellent condition.

Within a few months of having my son I started buying everything second hand, and I eBay use selling groups for most of his clothes too and sell those he's grown out of. We have the money to buy new but it's wasteful and all that plastic just going to landfill isn't good either!

The experience that changed my thinking, I bought an expensive swing bouncer it was £125 in the sale and I thought I'd got a bargain. My Dad had a free bouncer from someone at his work for at my parents house, guess which he liked and which he hated and wouldn't go in.

Sold my ridiculous expensive thing for £50, bought a second hand bouncer and a jumperoo and still had change.

CrabbyPatty · 15/11/2018 17:16

OP I understand. I'm not keen on second hand. However I'm also learning how expensive everything for a new baby is so may have to decide what I'd be happy with second hand (for me this will be plastic stuff that's easily cleaned) I do agree with reducing plastic but there are lots of things that can be done to do this and I think we should be allowed to want new things for our babies if we wish. As long as we don't judge people who choose second hand they shouldn't judge us! I think people aren't really addressing your question which is regarding DM not listening to your request.