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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second hand baby stuff.

207 replies

LG123 · 15/11/2018 16:57

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

OP posts:
Original poster
LG123 · 15/11/2018 23:09

@Sleeplikeasloth I have already said she has all this stuff at her house.

@JustMarriedBecca I would love sentimental hand me downs from family like games and such but no one has given me any, apart from my teddy bear when I was little! It's stuff from strangers and the like. And I'm the first of my friends my to have a baby other than new mummy friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
LG123 · 15/11/2018 23:11

Apologies for bad grammar I'm half asleep and I hate my phone!

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 15/11/2018 23:14

What on Earth do you think might have happened to this stuff before your PFB gets it that's so awful?!?!

A good wash and spray with anti-bac and there's no danger.

twiglet · 15/11/2018 23:44

Short answer yes YABU

Kokeshi123 · 16/11/2018 00:11

Your attitude is really silly, but at the end of the day you do have the right to refuse stuff you do not want.

Personally, I suspect you will change your mind after you start realizing how expensive all the other things about children are--daycare, after school and summer holiday care, holidays, carseats, inflated utility bills, orthodontics, intervention/therapy when needed, tutoring, extracurriculars.... the things where there is no second-hand option and no easy way to save money!

jade19 · 16/11/2018 01:02

I would say you are. She obviously has put alot of thought into looking for these items. It's very expensive buying everything brand new.
Strip it all right down, give it a good clean and it will be as good as new!

123EFG · 16/11/2018 03:49

I do have a bouncer and a play mat, purchased new by myself. I bought stair gates, a stroller, a bouncer (for GGP) and a push along bike to be used at my house and all second hand and in good condition to save the hassle of carting everything about when visiting because I only have a small car.

Jellybabie3 · 16/11/2018 04:24

YAN technically BU. But. It does sound snobby sorry! plenty of DS (also my first) stuff was second hand because it was 'like new' but a fraction of the price. Saved money for me and reduced a load of waste at landfill.

I get its your first but that doesnt mean you have lost common sense does it ?

Snipples · 16/11/2018 05:06

I don't really get what the problem is if the stuff is being kept at her house. We have mostly new for our DD as we live oversees so there's no one to really pass us stuff. My parents bought us her pram/ car seat which I will keep for any further DCs. We did buy a preloved cot and Moses basket and just bought new mattresses. These were in immaculate condition and were such a bargain that it didn't make sense for us to buy new. Also bought a second hand jumperoo as I wasn't sure she would like it and lo and behold she doesn't so that was a smart move.

When we stay at my mums she has kittens her house our with cribs, high chairs, toys etc etc - all second hand. My SIL got very uptight about putting her DS in any of this stuff but we're fine with it. It's all clean and it literally gets used for one visit or so and then DD will have outgrown it (we can only visit every 3-4 months due to distance). It doesn't make sense to buy new.

For what it's worth we can afford it but choose not to. I draw the line at clothes though for the moment unless we know who they are from but I think that's personal preference.

Snipples · 16/11/2018 05:08

^*my mum has kitted her house out
^
She doesn't have kittens unfortunately 😳

Original poster
LG123 · 16/11/2018 07:11

Let's be clear, I wasn't asking for people's opinions on my thoughts on second hand stuff. I'm asking that as I have already said countless times that I don't DD to have second things but she went and got it anyway, then tried to lie about what she picked. She almost picked up a car seat! She knew I didn't want her to do it but she went ahead anyway.

@jade19 - What gives you the idea she's put thought into it? She picked them up by chance when picking up stair gates.14

@Snipples - I don't live overseas and visit my family all the time.

OP posts:
Snipples · 16/11/2018 07:13

Your baby will still grow out of things mega quick. What are you going to do when you eat out or go to soft play? Drag your brand new high chair with you?

You're being silly and controlling and you will look back at yourself and cringe.

jade19 · 16/11/2018 07:24

Ok she picked them up through chance but she still got them for you and your baby. She is trying to save you some money in the long run.

But if it's being kept at her house then, just buy what she brought brand new for at yours.

Smsmeeesmeghhhehead · 16/11/2018 07:26

Yabu . .. most of my baby stuff is 3rd or 4th hand. All in perfectly clean and safe condition but my sister's and I pass stuff around. My moses is now on its 5th baby😍

spugzbunny · 16/11/2018 07:27

So to be clear ... your Mum hasn't bought this stuff for you? It's stuff she bought for the baby to be kept at her house and use if the baby comes round? Your annoyed because you never want your baby to use anything second hand ever?

My lord! That's a bit over protective isn't it?

What will you do at baby groups or restaurants? That stuffs all used by other babies!

masktaster · 16/11/2018 07:29

If this is the choice you've made, DM should respect that, at least checking that you're okay with her buying [whatever] second hand to keep at hers.

I personally find it wasteful and a little damaging to only buy new. Most of what DS owns is second hand, clothes, toys, (cloth) nappies. I actually find it easier to find nice things for him than me in the
charity shops! But everything we have that is preloved would have been new at some point - as long as you are passing on/selling what you have that you no longer need, and not just chucking it in the bin, that's something.

TheRenegadeMaster · 16/11/2018 07:29

We bought new as we plan on having at least 1 more child, so we have bought the expensive stuff (stroller etc) in neutral colours. I think for us it added the the excitement and we we're financially able to do it so why not. However I can see why people do it and wouldn't look down on them for it. Do what you feel comfortable with, it's your brand new baby who will be using the stuff.

Blanchedupetitpois · 16/11/2018 07:30

If it means that much to you ask her to keep the things she bought at her house for use when your kid is there. It’ll save you lugging your own stuff around.

twiglet · 16/11/2018 07:50

Maybe she lied because she knew what your behaviour would be like!

About the only thing I will agree with you on is the car seat but it's her house.

Sounds like she was trying to be nice, save hassle of you lugging a pram back and fourth etc and you have behaved like a pretentious princess even spitting your dummy out when posters here are saying you're being unreasonable to tell her to get rid of items in her own home!

SadieContrary · 16/11/2018 07:52

OP, you've asked if you're BU.

Yes, you are, however, it's understandable. It's your first baby and you want to get everything new. I think of you have another you'll definitely change your mind.

We are in the financial position to buy everything new but we didn't because as other posters have said, lo's grow out of things fast, destroy them or just don't like them.

A new car seat is priority because then you know it's never been damaged. Same for a new cot mattress.

We were given things by friends and I bought second hand and I've passed every bit on- some clothes weren't even worn.

I'm not saying I never bought anything brand new but the high chair, jumperoo, walker, stair gates, baby sleeping bags and bumboo were all second hand and still in amazing condition now I've given them to friends as third hand.

Original poster
LG123 · 16/11/2018 07:55

She has everything that she went and got apart from the stroller. I have seen one that I like and that is the one I will get to keep at hers.

@Snipples - she is my baby so I can be controlling and silly if I wish. I didn't want anything of my baby's that she is in regularly to be second hand. I'm perfectly aware that going out to eat and nursery etc will involve using stuff other people have used. This is not the same.

@Smsmeeesmeghhhehead - you and your sister? Fine. I don't know the people they came from.

@TheRenegadeMaster - this is my plan.

All I wanted is my mum to respect my wishes why is that unreasonable.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 16/11/2018 07:57

Ha ha. Bless you. So precious and PFB. This is well funny. You'll look back on this thread and be totally embarrassed, soon.

greendale17 · 16/11/2018 08:00

@Snipples

You're being silly and controlling and you will look back at yourself and cringe.

^Oh get over yourself. This thread is about her mum deliberately not respecting her wishes. Not about whether secondhand stuff is good or not.

woodhill · 16/11/2018 08:00

Nothing wrong with 2nd hand, so wasteful buying everything new imo and you don't need half the stuff.

greendale17 · 16/11/2018 08:02

I didn’t want secondhand stuff for my DS. Just like I don’t buy secondhand stuff for myself. If that makes me a snob then so be it.