Second hand baby stuff.

[LG123]

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

People are being hilariously judgemental about OP! I wanted to buy everything new because it’s exciting to pick all the things out in the shops for your first - and all your other children get the handmedowns anyway so you only get to buy the new stuff once!

I buy everything knew and sell on. Just how i like to do it.

Only thing i buy 2nd hand is plastic toys

Snob

To be fair to OP there must be a lot of people buying everything new as there’s a huge market for everything baby related. Personally I love a bargain and we have had lots of second hand stuff for my DS. My Bugaboo cost £150 and with the money we saved we had a nice break away at Centre Parks as a new family. Even give my son second hand toys for Christmas and birthday (he’s too young to know or care!)

I don’t really know why your Mum is getting stuff you already have though. Is it for her house? As long as it’s properly cleaned and the basket has a new mattress I don’t see why you would mind this really. Do you really think everyone should buy new and then perfectly good items should be just dumped in a landfill after minimal use?

I think there is a difference between it being a working class trend and it being snobbery - its only snobbery if there's an attitude with it. Making decisions on what you want for your child is personal choice and people should respect it both ways. I could argue the alternative argument is middle class defensiveness but I wont ;)

I bought everything second hand and sold on

Nearly all my daughters clothes are second hand. Most of it is Boden, Joules, Gap and JoJo. It's all in such great condition and she looks amazing and I've saved a fortune!

I had this mentality until I went shopping and saw how expensive everything is! Granted I bought a huge amount new before lo was born, but soon got over that!

My parents are now bored with me getting excited over the latest cheapest bestest second hand thing I’ve purchased. I don’t need to but it’s fab! My lo has the majority of her clothes second hand, many the expensive brands which given they were a bargain I send her to nursery in.

I also sell stuff on after which funds the next age stashed away! Buying a baby Bjorn bouncer for £3.00 (over £100 new) which was as new (and selling on for £35 after we used it) was a particular highlight!

All I can advise is that you can spend hundreds on all the stuff and tat (that you need or don’t!) - my lo has some beautiful toys all brand new, but her fav thing in the whole wide world is a gooey plastic caterpillar off the front of a magazine (which is now in 3 bits but still very much loved!). Don’t get sucked in, if you get caught you can get into real trouble financially.

Like others I’ll guarantee that your opinion will change in a matter of months!

I bought everything new but the minimum needed. It all got washed and worn dozens of time (severe refluxer for many years).

Carefully washed it all and packed it away for DC2....only to discover 2 years later that I didn't want to put PSB in stained, old clothes.

I reused what I could, textile bin recycled the rest and bought a lot new. Anything decent went to the charity shop.

We had a fantastic high chair - the cheap one ikea one. DS2 did inherit that but I felt sorry for him as all the edges had been chewed to bits by DS1

My PIL’s bought out almost everything baby equipment wise from my DH’s cousin’s yard sale-pack n play,stroller when I was pregnant which was nice however they bought brand spanking new everything equipment for the other grandchildren and were incredibly over the top with a lot of support for previous GC they were not hurting for money at all (millionaires) The purchases were old,out of date and to be fair dirty/stained as you would expect after being used for more than one baby. We thanked them for their generosity and then registered for the items we wanted. I had a couple baby showers and was very fortunate to have a lot of my equipment purchased but we bought a new pack n play and stroller/car seat combo and they were very flabbergasted to see their purchases not in use-I donated them if I recall and told them somewhat lame excuses but it would’ve been better had DH had courage to speak up to them frankly. It’s all personal preference

A few years into parenthood and if it weren't for time constraints I would buy everything second hand for the kids. They grow so quickly and get through so many toys - the waste of money and materials spent on baby/kids things in the world is ridiculous. Also, they really won't notice or care if something isn't brand new.

YANBU- why can’t people just respect other people’s wishes????

What I would probably have had an issue with is your mum taking it upon herself to do all the 'choosing' for your baby things. She's had her turn. I'd say thank you, very generous but I want to be able to choose for myself (unless of course she has bought the things for use at her house, in which case I'd say carry on)

I felt a bit the same with my first. I wanted my nice shiny new baby to have nice shiny new stuff. Then she puked and pooed over it and it was all wipeable or washable. Then she moved on from nice shiny new stuff after a matter of weeks and the stuff still looked brand new and I realised what a giant waste of money it was.

Fr my second we reused everything we could and everything else we needed we got off Facebook. You can tell 'where it's been' as you go and pick it up and have a look at it before you buy. I've still either put stuff in the washing machine or given it a good scrub with anti bac spray when I've got it home but it looks fine and I know it's clean so I don't think it matters. We now get my eldest second hand stuff and she doesn't mind at all and sometimes asks about the boys and girls that had things before her.

Obviously it's your personal preference and if you want to pay £50 for something that's used for 12 weeks instead of £10 that's up to you but most people would rather save the £40 and use it on something that you do need to buy new like shoes they grow out of every 3 months

Yes, FB marketplace is the only thing I used FB for! I get stuff for the house there as well as clothes/toys. So much stuff is in perfect condition! I have also sold stuff on there that was immaculate and people are so happy when they pick items up.

I also feel happier for DC to have plastic toys if they are second hand, it's preventing them going to landfill for a few more years. If they're ok when DC are done, I'll sell them or donate them to nursery/various playgroups.

Yeah, it's much better to blow money on things they will grow out of within a few months and toys they won't even look at.

Crack on, OP. Us second hand bargain hunters would love to take a twice worn dress, bought for £25 off your hands for £3.

In all seriousness, I think you are being very OTT, and certainly if the stuff your mother bought is for her house, then that's her prerogative.

My daughter wears about 80% second hand clothing. It's not random stuff in bags, but mostly things chosen from things like nct nearly new sales. And because 80% of her wardrobe cost peanuts, the other 20% is on the stuff we really like, without having to be so conscious on cost. I would kill for her wardrobe(s)

YABU

Had my first born this year. Most her stuff is new. Ive bought some lovely pre owned items on ebay though.
Shes currently using a bumbo style seat that was 5 quid on FB marketplace. Why would i spend 50 quid on a new one when she will use this no more than 2 months?

Some stuff yes i agree is best new (nursery in my case as im planning to use it for baby number 2 in a couple years) but other items can be really wasteful in my opinion. DD never slept in her moses so thats 70 quid down the drain.

I had money set aside for all the things i wanted...until my lovely sil got involved! My sil gave me her medela swing double breast pump (£240 saved there), she also gave me her mamaroo (another 240 saved there). Whoever has a baby next out of me and my two sils will then have this stuff passed onto them. It just makes sense. This meant i was able to save an extra £500 thats gone straight into my daughters account. Its just common sense. Especially when its stuff that is used temporarily. (DD hated mamaroo, so glad in never forked out for it!)

We started off with a new cot that would fit in our London flat, car seat, the family crib (new mattress) and a new pram but everything else was hand me down. I loved that the clothes my daughter wore were old family things, she plays with 50 year old Lego and 60 year old jigsaws her grandfather played with.

Most new stuff is vile anyway - too many unicorns and pineapples. For me, it's nothing to do with hygiene or cost but everything to do with sentimentality.

I agree it's a class thing. Same with cars. Look at the royal family for God's sake.

YANBU. I bought new everything for my DS but was happy to accept some used items for him. It's a personal choice, OP. There has to be common working class people to buy new so the sensible middle classes can buy it second hand.

What do you think will happen if something that isn't brand new touches your PFB? In the hospital they don't have brand new sheets and cribs and they don't get other baby cooties.

You'll soon change your mind on this once you've seen baby licking the sole of your shoes, sharing food with the dog etc

Seriously? You'll be wasting a lot of money if you don't get over this weird snobbery.. Not everything has to be new and quite frankly I think you'd be a mug to get rid and buy everything brand new.

To the people who think I'm a snob or ungrateful. I haven't asked her for these things. I've offered to buy everything for her house as I made it pretty clear I didn't want second hand so I didn't pass the expense over. She knew this but went ahead anyway. When I asked what was bought as an said her car was full (I was under the impression it was a couple of stair gates) I had to drag each item out of her whilst she was chuckling. She knew she went against what I wanted. I have said to pass on to someone needier or to charity. This is my first, one I thought I'd never have and yes I want everything to be shiny new stuff but that is without attitude. I get second stuff for me, I am just choosing to be precious about precious baby.

@TheBigBangRocks - This is exactly it. I wanted to choose. She even made fun of the fact I didn't get pink but got neutral.

@crispysausagerolls - Thank you. I do get very excited when I see baby stuff in shops! Can't help my self.

@greendale17 - Thank you! This is only reason I was a bit miffed. She knew I didn't want second hand.

Clothes have a huge environmental impact.

It is far better to have Preloved.