Second hand baby stuff.

[LG123]

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

Yes Boudicea it's almost that don't want charity mantra.

Often wealthier people are more selective with their spending

Bit like the getting into debt at Christmas debates where people who are skint insist on buying expensive gifts for their dc even though it leaves them in debt.

Op what matters is that your baby is loved and cared for. If your really that hung up maybe speak to a health visitor

Doesn't make you a snob, does make you a bit silly with money and disastrous for the environment.

Lots of baby stuff is barely used - and when it is, often it has been used with love and the person is triply glad to pass it on - not just for the money, but because it isn't being wasted and because something that their baby loved isn't just being shoved into landfill.

Also as an adult you don't grow like dc so different

I'm happy with 2nd hand for myself of eBay anyway.

Rather spend money on theatre or holiday.

NCT sales were great and I liked passing on clothes and seeing other friends dc wear them

It's not silly to want stuff new if you can afford it. We've spent thousands on stuff for DD (if you include stuff like travel systems, car seats, furniture etc). We haven't bought gimicky stuff though and everything we've bought has been well used. We also shopped around for the best deals and used boots / nectar points where we could.

There seems to be some weird thing against buying anything new. I don't get it if you can afford it. I feel awkward mentioning that I've bought something new. Plus, people forget that if no one bought anything new, there wouldn't be the decent second hand stuff for them to buy!

It would also really annoy me if my mum had gone against what I want, regardless of whether it was over buying something second hand over new, or her deciding what we needed when we might have chosen something else. That said, there's lots of stuff we're not too worried about (e.g toys) and mum had loads of pleasure choosing them.

I'm sorry, I can't understand this. Some second hand things are perfect.

OP it must be lovely being so wealthy that you can afford to buy everything new, presumably you're mortgage free and financially secure for life which is amazing. If not then it's bonkers to spend money you don't need to. Your mum should respect your wishes though, whilst probably mentally making a note not to offer to babysit etc as she presumably can't meet your exacting standards!

I couldn’t agree more OP. My DS is 2 now and I still haven’t bought anything second hand. I understand why people do and I personally don’t bat an eyelid at other people’s choices but for me and my DS, I won’t buy second hand

Your child your choice OP. However pretty much all of the replies here have agreed that they think you're being daft which is really synonymous with what your mum thinks too obviously!

2 kids here. We are financially comfortable and could afford for me to not go back to work if I wanted. I buy loads second hand and have done for both kids. The only things I have brand new are my pushchair (MIL bought that) and cot mattresses. I got my snuzpod second hand (new mattress) and it did both kids before going on to my friend.

Maybe rather than feeling that your wishes are being criticised why not consider that they're just trying to show you what you appear to be so blind to see, that your money could be put to better use elsewhere! I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to buy new but I do think it's a silly attitude to have!

LG123 I don’t think you’re being unreasonable actually. A lot of people get pleasure from picking out new items etc and you said you had a strong preference and would pick up the cost of items for your mum’s house and she did the opposite. Where you are more unusual is saying you’d be new for a second child.

For what it’s worth, I have the money to buy new so I do. If I didn’t, I would look at second hand as I think you can get some great bargains. I don’t think there is a class thing as others point out.

Complete waste of the world’s resources to buy everything new. Your mother understands this. A few new special items is fine. Insisting on all new is silly.
Mine spent their early years in a community where the term “New to me” was greeted with much excitement. The received a black bin bag of items - toys, clothes etc - that they’d seen a much revered older child using previously and now it was their turn. How much pride they felt at moving into ‘big girls’ clothes. When we’d finished, we simply bundled it up for the next child on the circuit, left it at the back of the church with a name label. Everyone did it regardless of income so there was no shame or sense of judgement around it. There was a certain pride in something you’d bought ending back up with your next one. We had lovely, designer baby and toddler clothes that saved us a fortune. The sweetest Osh Kosh dungaree shorts, a brio table and train set, just lovely things that we couldn’t have afforded at the time.

You know your “brand new” stuff has been handled, pawed at, possibly tried out by literally dozens of people by the time it arrives with you, right?

You're being ridiculous, certain things I wouldn't get second hand - cot and car seat but lots of other stuff I have.

I don't think your mum has done anything wrong as I don't see an issue with second hand things.

@woodhill - I wouldn't do it if I was going to get myself into debt. I don't do extravagant at Christmas either.

@voxnihili - This is it, I too only buy stuff I need and don't get stuff that won't get used. It's all neutral (She even laughed at that because I didn't get girl pink 🙄). I haven't gone all out with the top brands such as silvercross, my travel set was better than half price. Alot of the stuff I have bought was on deals, most clothes full price but I get stuff during baby events etc.

And yes that is what has annoyed me - she went against my wishes deliberately. Maybe I should have phrased the post better because people seem to think it's all about second hand stuff and it's not. I'd be just as annoyed if she had bought something fresh out the shop knowing I didn't want it.

@greendale17 - Thank you! Maybe I should have phrased the thread to leave the second hand bit out 🙄

@Moominfan - Of course my baby is lived and cared for.. why on earth should I speak to a health visitor? It is my personal preference to not use second hand.

@bluefolder - I'm not wealthy at all and I rent but I saved to buy everything new for my baby and I don't buy things I won't use. Yes she should respect my wishes, thank you. By the way, she loves babysitting - I don't even ask!

@Youvegotafriendinme - Thank you. I've had second hand things for me but hardly ever and only if I like it and it's from someone close and even then I prefer new.

I was the same with my first. I just had my fourth and can confirm you definitely lose that sense of preciousness the more DC you have . Transpires most brand new stuff is a huge waste of money since they grow so bloody fast and don’t use the products for very long AT ALL.

A brand new pram is fair enough if you have the funds because they will get some good use out of that. When it comes to things like Moses baskets and bouncers though, you’re a fool to buy brand new even if you have the money because they literally use them for a couple of months then what?!

@user1471426142 Thank you! Just to clarify I was joking about new for baby number 2, I have bought neutral. The only things I will replace are the mattresses an probably new clothes if I have a boy or anything is ruined.

@FenellaMaxwellsPony - I buy most of my stuff online so I'm assuming it comes from a warehouse? And also that isn't quite the same as being used and abused for a while. Not mention places like Mothercare have things on show for trying out.

@christmascalendars - it isn't all about second hand so I probably should have left this out of my post, it's about the fact she deliberately went bought them against my wishes and laughed at me about it! She almost went and bought the same playmat as me when I asked her not to.

@CherryPavlova these are strangers not people I know in a community. Besides even then I wanted to new for my 1st.

As a pp has said, if no one bought new then your lovely second hand bargains wouldn't exist.

@OutPinked - totally get it is probably because she's my first. Hopefully if I'm lucky enough to have a second then it will get used. I'm stopping at 2 though 😅

Oh FFS the OP should see a health visitor because she has a personal preference for new things and is pissed off that her mum is buying stuff for her that she's been very clear she doesn't want? Come on!!

Out of interest would you be happy to have secondhand stuff from friends or family (ie people you know) or is it all secondhand stuff, irrespective of whether you know the person or not?

Same as pp, with my first I spent a fortune, everything was new, didn't want second hand anything.
But then you realise all those hundreds/thousands of pounds are outgrown/never used in a few months and are buying again and again and again.
With my second I didn't spend nearly the same and the only things I had to have new where her cot/mattress

" I didn't want anything of my baby's that she is in regularly to be second hand. I'm perfectly aware that going out to eat and nursery etc will involve using stuff other people have used. This is not the same."

Yes, it is the same. I thought you were being reasonable to ask your mum not to buy your baby stuff for you, but if this is stuff she is keeping at her own house then YABU. She has every right to equip her house as she wants as long as it is safe for the baby. And no you cannot reasonably say "I can't face my child touching a second-hand baby chair at my mum's place but I can cope with my baby touching a second-hand baby chair in a restaurant"that makes no sense. Car seat should be newthat is the exception.

You'd be wiser to save your money for a down payment on a property quite honestly.

@seeingdots - I know right, maybe I should mention it at her next weighing 😂😂😂

@Pickupthephone - I can't really answer that as I don't have any friends who have had babies (apart from mummy friends with new babies) and my little one is the first baby in the family for 20 years, aside from cousins I don't speak to who live miles away. I know I would love sentimental value things, like jewellery, teddy bears etc as I feel that is different. It means something, for example she has my big teddy bear from when I was a baby but that's it.

@Kokeshi123 - have read the thread? Or at least my posts? She already has this stuff apart from the stroller. Which she'll soon regret if the wheels fall off. I had my eye on a stroller for her house, I am paying for it. The rest she doesn't need, she already has!

I am entitled to my opinion, and it is not the same - she wouldn't be sat in Pizza Hut's highchair on a regular basis. You're of the opinion it's the same, I respect that but I'm not.

@agirlhasnonameX - I won't be spending the same on baby number 2. I have everything I need, aside from things like mattresses and car seats.

Well yes, it does come from a warehouse. But it’s not assembled by kittens, taken to the warehouse by fairies and delivered by unicorns....

By the time it arrives with you, it’s been through multiple productions lines, lorries, warehouses, and handled by dozens of people in multiple different countries. How is that better than it being used by one other baby?!