Second hand baby stuff.

[LG123]

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

Sorry, meant to say I 'can' understand that you want new.

@Perfectly1mperfect - thank you I appreciate the support! Yeah she's great apart from her 'Nanny knows best' attitude. She's passing it on after I told her I didn't want it.

This is exactly why I bought the items second hand they are for occasional use, my dgc will be fully clothed in the stroller for one. I did not buy the car seat as I knew the safety implications of this, my dd said nothing about a stroller being second hand so when I saw it I took the opportunity to buy it as it’s in good condition and has barely been used.

Also at her request I will pass it on but she will have to cart her stuff over as I will not let her waste her money on a new one.

@123EFG - my mother knew my wishes and still went against them and then tried to hide but I dragged it out of her. I don't know these people and you don't know if it's in good condition until you actually use it. I have heard horror stories of wheels falling off - I'm not risking my child's safety. A bit like when she hadn't fixed the seatbelt properly whilst my little girl was in her car. She was still adamant it was fixed properly. My child, my choice.

Loads of my kids stuff is second hand, from charity shops, car boots etc. It really doesn't make a difference. If you don't want the second hand stuff your DM has bought tell her to keep them at her house and you buy brand new for at yours.

2ndhand doesn't always mean used OP & it saves a fortune. A woman at work bought a colleague a whole shedload of stuff, for free: mostly never worn, designer stuff, all presents that never got used (off her huge extended overseas family & she had no space in a 2bed house for so much 'stuff') .

I get that your mother overrode your wishes and you're pissed off, but did you really expect her to spend potentially thousands of pounds kitting our her house for your baby? Why on earth would/should she do that?
And I echo what others have said, how is a clean second-hand high chair in her house different from a high chair in a restaurant/nursery which is used by hundreds of random babies every day?

So I would turn round and tell your DM “oh, how lovely for you to buy her things for when she’s visiting you, we don’t have room for all this at ours”

This.
It's your child your choice, it's all very well for others to tell you it's wasteful etc, but it's nice to be able to choose the things you want. I don't even really like new gifts from other people as I feel bad if I don't like them/agree with them for children of a certain age and know they'll get no use. Obviously this is only if you can afford to buy new and don't exist anything from others.

I don't believe there are any particular safety concerns if you check the things, people buying second hand certainly aren't putting their child at risk if they are careful.

But you've said you wanted to choose all the things new and that's totally up to you.

I would just explain to her you don't want them and either use at her house, should they be in decent condition or she can always just sell them all back on.

Everyone I know got second hand things here and there no matter what their income.

There is something nice about picking out your own new things for a first baby though.

Your concerns are so far removed from the norm, indicates there's something else underlying.

If I don't buy it someone else will.

You not understanding the seriously flawed logic here helps explain a lot

OP I'm confused to why you have bothered even putting this up given the number of times posters have said your being unreasonable.

Yes your child your rules so don't bother seeking advice from others when you're clearly just wanting to moan then moaning at others when they say the opposite.

Many people would love their mothers to even want to buy things for their DCs regardless. You clearly don't and clearly have no intention of taking anything on board from here so say what you like to your DM and we will await the next thread saying my mum isn't speaking to me not sure what I've done wrong......

I was the same with my first OP. Now I love a 2nd hand bargain!

Actually just seen your update you sound hard work and like a brat.

Op are the things for your house? Or to keep at her house?

@Moominfan - not everyone has to adhere to the 'norm'. Nothing is underlying thank you. I just don't like second hand things for my little baby, I don't know where it's been or who's been it. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I find it quite rude that you would even suggest it was because of underlying issues.

As other posters have said I may lighten up a bit in the near future but she is a brand new baby and my first born, forgive me for getting over excited. Some people have also said they were exactly the same. There is no need to give me a hard time. All I was asking was if I was unreasonable to expect my wishes to respected.

I would rather them up to someone who really needs them. When I'm done with mine I will pass them on but I want new for my baby. I don't see what is wrong with that.

Thank you to those who have understood where I'm coming from.

I’m sure your child will be thrilled to know they never had a second hand babygro rather than having that money in savings....

@Tatgalore the stroller is for her house, I've heard horror stories about 2nd hand pushchairs. So I said if she wants one at hers I'll buy it. The bouncer is for my grandads house apparently but it won't get used - its better off with someone else who wants it and will use it.

@bluefolder How rude. I do save money for her thank you. I get great joy in her choosing her clothes. I don't buy designer, I don't shop in overpriced shops. So I get a lot for my money.

You sound very unreasonable. Her house, her decision. I would only insist on buying a new carseat and cot mattress. Unless she is giving your baby toys painted with lead based paint, then you need to stop being so controlling.

If you don’t want the second hand stuff then don’t accept it - your sn can use it at her house.
But buying all that new will come to at least the £200 mark. I’d rather put that in a high interest savings account for when my dc is older. They won’t know or care if their baby stuff is second hand.

Oh God I’ve just realised that you meant that your dm has bought it for her own house! Yabu to dictate that it’s new unless you’re offering to buy it.

@BumsexAtTheBingo I have offered to buy it, the only thing out of it she doesn't have is a spare stroller. I have offered buy it. Other than that the rest of it has already been bought.

What do you think will happen if your baby gets dressed in 2nd hand stuff or lies in a 2nd hand cot with a new mattress. Or plays with 2nd hand toys.

I know what happened to a friend of mine who insisted on brand new.

They live in a 2 bed flat now with 3 children instead of their 4 bed detached.