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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Second hand baby stuff.

207 replies

LG123 · 15/11/2018 16:57

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

OP posts:

CrabbyPatty · 15/11/2018 17:37

I kind of get what you mean about it being 'working class' to prefer new (although it is a bit of a sweeping statement!) But I'm not really sure what your point is in relation to the OP's post and it sounds a bit judgey. I find some of the statements insisting we need to buy second hand quite snobby! It's not snobby for us to not want second hand stuff as long as we don't judge people who do. What does annoy me is people trying to give me their old stuff without actually checking if I want it and people buying second hand gifts when it's been said we don't want it. It's a personal choice!

immummynoiam · 15/11/2018 17:38

oh she sounds excited! That's worth more than the issue over stuff. I do think it's a first child/second child thing. I would've had your issues with DC1, with DC2 I would've just been grateful for the stuff and an interested grandparent!

RicStar · 15/11/2018 17:46

I do get lots of secondhand things for mine but it is things I have chosen. I think it's nice to chose things for your children and if this is stuff to use at yours then I can see why you are a bit upset.

notevenwithconsent · 15/11/2018 17:47

it's different to pick stuff yourself and different for someone else to present you with it.

It's nice to choose stuff for your first and the lack of choice is a horrible feeling.

LewisMam · 15/11/2018 17:49

From a hygiene perspective I don’t like the idea of my DC mouthing toys and chewing teethers that have been in someone else’s mouth. Once they’re old enough to not put stuff in their mouths I’m less bothered. Imo second hand stuff is only worth it if it’s free or cheap though. I’m not paying £14 for a second hand outfit that was only £20 new - would prefer to buy new and sell for £14!

Perfectly1mperfect · 15/11/2018 17:50

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think your mum should listen to your wishes. Just say you appreciate the thought but you had said you didn't want second hand and please don't buy anything second hand in the future. Although most people seem to be saying there's nothing wrong with second hand stuff, if you don't want it then that's your decision as long as you are not expecting other people to buy it for you.

wibblywobblyfish · 15/11/2018 17:51

All I bought new was a cot mattress and car seats. Honestly, 6 months down the line when the bouncy chair etc is outgrown and you want the space back you will probably regret paying loads of money for it. NCT sales and hand me downs are great. I always re-washed and ironed clothes so they were fresh and anything that didn't go in the washing machine got Milton wiped over it.

1forAll74 · 15/11/2018 17:52

I had lots of second hand stuff when my two children were youngies,
I used to get called Second hand Rose by family and friends, which I rather liked !

Last week, i was walking past the local hospice charity shop, it was 9pm and closed.They say not to leave things outside when closed, but someone had done. There were many bags of clothes, but what struck me most, was the large array of children's larger playthings outside. There were two dolls prams, a stair gate, two colourful scooters, a little dolls house, and a set of alphabet building bricks in a box, a little red pedal car,and many other small toys.

I was then hoping,that someone in the night would not steal all this stuff. But two days later,I went into the shop.and all the toys were out and displayed, and for very very cheap prices.

notevenwithconsent · 15/11/2018 17:53

I was a very young mother in a situation where everyone was judging us. I had everything second hand and nothing new and people were giving me stuff and it was all done in a pity and poor you and god don't you know about her she's 15 kind of way and it made me feel awful. I felt like second hand annie. And I'm not 15 anymore and the memory still makes my cheeks burn now.

Bodicea · 15/11/2018 17:58

Yeah you are right rachelover40. You have worded it better than me. It is a sort of working class snobbery. The need to have nothing but the best new stuff for your kids all the time.

Original poster

LG123 · 15/11/2018 18:01

Yes, my first born. DD is already here and is 2 months old. While I appreciate I'm being precious, I still don't want my baby to have second hand goods, I don't the people she got them from either. I had to drag it out of her to know what she got from this person and that's probably because she knew I wouldn't be all that pleased. I am grateful the thought, I'm just a bit miffed she went against my wishes.

I already have everything she needs. My mum has already got a bouncer, playmat etc from Mothercare. I gave her a the Moses basket I bought because I didn't like it and wanted a white one. She doesn't need a bouncer, stroller and this bike thing. She has it all.

As for my second child, I probably would buy new 😂.. and if I don't then I know exactly where it's been and what has happened to/in it.

OP posts:

MsHopey · 15/11/2018 18:03

Seems mad to me. I'd say me and DH are definitely working class and always have been, second hand all the way for me.
DS has had lots of gorgeous stuff at a fraction of the price. His perfect condition jumperoo was a tenner! His high chair was £1. I think if we had more money I'd still buy second hand because most of it has been just as good as new.
But I do agree that it is a personal thing and your choice.
If MIL has brought the second hand stuff for her house than I think it's unreasonable to be pissed off about it, if it's for yours you need to discuss it with her again and explain second hand isn't for you.

BusyMum47 · 15/11/2018 18:07

Incredibly precious & more than a tad ungrateful? I got TONS of amazing quality 2nd hand toys/clothes for my son when he was young & also sold on loads of the new stuff he'd outgrown - worked out brilliantly!!

notevenwithconsent · 15/11/2018 18:10

It is horrible to have to be grateful for absolutely everything.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 15/11/2018 18:13

How incredibly ungrateful.
Wow.Just wow.😤😒

OneStepSideways · 15/11/2018 18:13

Things like mattresses, cots, bottles and soft toys I always buy new or anything that's hard to clean like a bouncer, pram or jumperoo.

But I buy secondhand clothes, and past the baby stage lots of secondhand toys. Although I wash clothes with dettol laundry and soak plastic toys in steriliser first.

I think it's good to find a balance.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 15/11/2018 18:14

Am firmly middle class but wanted to have everything new for my first! I have no idea why as have always been perfectly happy to buy secondhand stuff for me.

I just never thought I would be able to have a child and then when I did I was pretty sure I would only be lucky enough for one so I wanted to do things like choose the colours myself - and tbh the secondhand things my in-laws bought for him for their house were not always good (e.g. rickety cot where the side literally fell off).

I am well over it now and making up for it by doing all sorts of reusing and recycling.

overagain · 15/11/2018 18:15

Well it's up to you but I think it's ridiculous. And I do think it's a bit working class snobbery.

We could have bought everything new, but when I saw the cot I wanted fit £10 on eBay Vs £300 in the shop I decided to save the money! Only new things we bought were mattresses and carseats. Saved about 2k, so went on holiday

silkpyjamasallday · 15/11/2018 18:16

It's just so unspeakably wasteful and ungrateful to reject stuff just for being second hand. It is definitely a class thing, I've noticed working class friends and colleagues won't have anything second hand for their children that we've offered (even when in really dire financial circumstances) while the middle class couples will snap your hand off. I honestly found the mountains of stuff we were given that never got the chance to be used quite sickening. Who the hell will know if your pram/cot/bouncer or whatever is second hand? Certainly not the baby.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/11/2018 18:21

NCT nearly new sales were brilliant when DC were younger.

DC were always dressed nicely and for a tiny amount.

Neither DC noticed the difference.

MingoMingo · 15/11/2018 18:22

Dear god, I don’t even know what to say to this. Most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

BillywigSting · 15/11/2018 18:23

I think the only things I insisted were brand new for ds were his mattress, leaving hospital clothes and pram (after horror stories of second hand prams and wheels falling off)

Everything else I would have been happy to have second hand. As it was we ended up with a mix as some things were bought new by family/friends as gifts.

One of the best gifts though was from a friend who was a carer a lady who volunteered in a charity shop.

It was a big plastic box with a fold down lid and loads of different compartments, filled with nappies and cream but also piles and piles of socks and bibs and muslin squares, all in perfectly good condition.

I've still got the box, I keep all my hair stuff in it it's great.

GummyGoddess · 15/11/2018 18:24

I love second hand things, my friends and I are constantly circulating clothes and toys between us to whoever has the youngest baby at the time! Currently that's me but I'm packing it up as dc2 finishes with it, ready to go to the next baby. And it's lovely seeing a friends baby in clothes my baby wore, so nostalgic and they feel the same.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/11/2018 18:27

People buying new for their second? Dear god why? If you have it from your first brand new! I so don’t get that

TheBigBangRocks · 15/11/2018 18:33

I had new with mine, I wanted to pick the colours, style etc not go with what I could get second hand. I don't buy second hand clothes for myself so treat the children no different.

I'm also re careful re hand me downs, most children hate being younger for this very reason.

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