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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second hand baby stuff.

207 replies

LG123 · 15/11/2018 16:57

I know I sound snobby here but I have categorically said I don't want my baby's stuff to be second hand. I know at nursery and other people's houses she will use other's stuff but I don't want anything that belongs to her to be second hand. I just hate the thought of it belonging to someone else prior to my little one.

My mum decided, against my wishes, to get a bouncer, stroller, some bike thing and a couple of stair gates (I can live with the gates) and I'm a little miffed because I asked her not to.

Aibu to ask her to get rid?

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 15/11/2018 17:17

DD (13 weeks) either wears 2nd hand bundles I've got from eBay or things bought grandparents and I regularly get complimented on her outfits. It all looks like new. A lot of her baby kit is 2nd hand including a travel system (it's bugaboo so she's hardly slumming it) which looks like new to. It would have been 1.2k new but we got it for £500 all in which was bad enough! You'll find that the costs just get ridiculous. Each to their own but you'll find some things are used/worn once or twice so it's really not worth buying new. Some things I insisted on for hygiene like bottles, cot mattresses, blankets and a steriliser. I would take any help that you can to be honest. At the very least keep it for spares for when baby throws up over everything.

CrabbyPatty · 15/11/2018 17:17

Sorry got cut off... if this was my family i'd remind them that I dont want second hand so it doesn't keep happening.

ReflectionsofParadise · 15/11/2018 17:19

You don't need to buy brand new. Don't be daft. The amount they poo, pee and puke over it all you'll wish you bloody hadn't I promise.

sunshineandshowers21 · 15/11/2018 17:19

i bought brand new everything for my first, and didn’t use the half of it and ended up selling it on for a fraction of what it cost. learned my lesson with my second and third and bought some stuff second hand.

agnurse · 15/11/2018 17:19

Really, the only things that you MUST buy new are a car seat and a crib (do not use a crib made prior to the 1980s - they aren't safe). Car seats MUST be replaced if they are EVER in an accident, no matter how minor. There could be microscopic damage that isn't visible but renders the car seat unsafe.

Other than that, I think you're being a bit precious. As PPs have said, babies grow very quickly. Often there isn't nearly enough time for them to wear something out before they outgrow it. We kids were RAISED on bags of second-hand clothes, and I know for a fact that there are baby things that went through most of us and many of our cousins as well. In my mother's extended family it was fairly common that there was someone who had kids just a bit younger than yours, so you just passed on the clothes to the next one who would need them.

IHATEPeppaPig · 15/11/2018 17:20

OP
I was exactly the same for my first - 2nd one I realised it was w huge waste of money and took anything and everything from everyone!!!!

Poodles1980 · 15/11/2018 17:20

I don’t like second hand stuff as I would never buy baby stuff from selling sites but I willingly take stuff from friends and family and also pass my own stuff on to anyone who wants it.

cheesydoesit · 15/11/2018 17:21

Is it to use at her house when your baby visits or if she provides you with childcare? It's sensible on her behalf, you can get some good bargains on hardly used items.

golddustwomen · 15/11/2018 17:22

I was exactly the same as you, also would only use pampers, Johnson's wipes etc... didn't last long!

bluebeau · 15/11/2018 17:22

i have one on the way and i will be taking 2nd hand.

idc. rather same the money

Bodicea · 15/11/2018 17:23

It’s not snobby. It’s quite a working class mentality. The people that have the least money seem to have everything new for their babies. It’s bizarre. Most middle class people are happy to have hand me downs, maybe it’s because they realise there are more important things to spend their money on.

ReflectionsofParadise · 15/11/2018 17:23

@golddustwomen is that because you realised Johnsons wipes are totally shit and Aldis are the best thing ever? Like everyone else 😁

ReflectionsofParadise · 15/11/2018 17:25

What @Bodicea said. Buying all new and expensive is actually quite 'common' Confused (not confused face)

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/11/2018 17:25

Completely your perogative- I would say I didn’t mind second hand from people I knew- each o
To their own.

Rachelover40 · 15/11/2018 17:25

It is a snobbish attitude, whoever said the 'working class' had no snobbery? There's plenty of working class snobbery (you should have met my mum).

However I've not come across this, most people I know, and me, have been glad to have second hand stuff for their children.

Strawberry2017 · 15/11/2018 17:26

I got 2nd hand stuff, why waste money when you don't need too.
Plus most of the first things like moses basket, travel system are barely used.

PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 15/11/2018 17:28

I'm the same with second hand stuff but I'm a single parent on benefits so the reason I'm like this is because I'm poor and it hurts my pride, I don't feel good enough if that makes sense. I have a stair gate from the charity shop and bought her jumperoo second hand on Facebook but other than that everything is new. I do pass everything I buy on for free once she has outgrown it.

With my first baby I was working full-time and still with their father and accepted quite a lot of second hand stuff then. Saw it as a great bargain and saving.

I know I'm being ridiculous especially when money is so tight.

Strawberry2017 · 15/11/2018 17:29

Oh I should say I replaced the mattress in her Moses basket and next to me crib
But I got my preloved mamas and papas set at their own outlet where they had refurbished it all. Was as good as new!

PattiStanger · 15/11/2018 17:30

Imo you're being ridiculous but it's obvious from your OP that you're going to be precious about it and won't listen to what everyone who's been through this is telling you

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 15/11/2018 17:34

My PFB is due in January and I’ve spent £45 on gorgeous eBay bundles which have so many clothes I doubt they will all actually get worn. I plan to bundle and sell these when they’re outgrown too.

The only new things we have are what people have bought us from our Amazon Baby List. The pram and car seat were a gift from DPIL and the bedroom furniture we splashed out on as I’d received a rebate and the furniture was mega discounted.

I’m planning on getting a prefect prep second hand too. They go for peanuts online.

We’re reasonably well off but I want to take 12 months maternity and can only do so by saving as much money as I can now.

YABU

Angel75 · 15/11/2018 17:34

This is a defo 1st time mum statement! It runs out after 3 or 4.

Exhaustedmummy1811 · 15/11/2018 17:35

Wow sorry but I find this to be very ungrateful. As someone who would love be able to afford even a few things brand new but not in a position to do so I think you are being a little snobby about it. Your mum was just trying to help

moredoll · 15/11/2018 17:35

A lot of DD's stuff is secondhand. At the start I thought I would never dress her in charity shop finds or eBay treasures. That lasted for about 4 months when I found a really cute, seemingly unworn Rachel Riley cashmere cardigan in a charity shop. It was £2. I got her a sweet little raincoat last winter from eBay. New with tags it had cost £99.99. I paid £11 for it. She wore it maybe 4 times because it wasn't as practical or warm as her parka from H & M. She does get new clothes but from H&M or the boys section at Primark but basics only.
The only things I would advise people to get new are the cot mattress and the car seat. It's just so wasteful to buy everything new, both for the planet and for your bank account.

Ragwort · 15/11/2018 17:36

What exactly is your reason for only wanting ‘brand new’ stuff? We were so fortunate in that we had our DS much later than all our friends and so we were given everything (and duplicates!) second hand. Didn’t cost us anything Grin apart from nappies for a good few years.

witchy89 · 15/11/2018 17:36

Pretty much all the stuff we've bought for ours (due in Feb) is second hand. Doesn't mean it's tatty and in bad condition though. And I haven't settled for anything I don't like. Everything is stuff I have seen new and loved, and been lucky enough to find second hand. Obviously there are things we'll buy new, like replacing all the mattesses, and I want new cot sheets. I also feel sure that I want new, or at least handmade by me, baby blankets, I don't really know why but I just fee like its something special that they could potentially have for years and I want it to feel sentimental so I can see where you're coming from!