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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say here what I can't say in RL. Feel free to do the same

272 replies

BlingLoving · 12/11/2018 16:06

To SIL, who is married to complete waste of space:

"Just leave him. He adds no value to your life. You are either working or looking after DC. You spend your life supporting him emotionally and financially and he doesn't do anything to support you. He resents fatherhood, and makes you feel guilty for the fact that he has less time and that the two of you can't go out. His constant weed smoking is not healthy when there are young children in the house and the fact that you can't see that is how much he's messed with your mind. He will NEVER finish his qualifications because he's too lazy/stupid to do it and that means he will NEVER change jobs so he will simply continue to whine and complain to you while expecting you to bear the brunt of the financial burden.

And all of these things turn YOU into a not very nice person. You are defensive and easily angered with everyone, including your DC. We all KNOW it's because you literally don't get 10 minutes to yourself and are juggling 1000 balls, but it's tiring. And every single time you shout at him because he's being a dick, you somehow land up being the bad guy.

DC will be FINE without him in their lives on a daily basis. So will you. It won't b e easy but you are not exactly modelling a fantastic relationship for them so keeping around is just going to harm them in the long run. Just leave. Please just leave."

Sadly, can't say any of that in real life as he's convinced her she's a terrible, cruel person who doesn't take his needs into account. Ditto, that he is a poor pathetic man who needs her and if she doesn't look after him, who will. Sigh.

Thanks. This was cathartic.

OP posts:
Nothininmenoggin · 12/11/2018 18:21

OMG he sounds bloody horrific. Can't you put this down in a letter and give it to her. Deep down she probably knows herself but not enough time or too tired to deal with it.

garbagegirl · 12/11/2018 18:45

Mum, why don't you like my daughter? You always joked that you wished I would have a child who is just like me and it happened.

She challenges and questions what she doesn't agree with or understand. She is kind and so thoughtful and really, really funny. She aces every test and is ambitious but she works so hard to be where she is.
I am not sure we see her the same way though. You seem angry or irritated by her a lot of the time and I think as an intelligent young teen she is starting to notice. Please don't make me feel like I have to choose because, Mum, you will not like the outcome.

talulahbelle · 12/11/2018 18:48

I’m terrified of environmental collapse and I can’t believe people aren’t doing more about it.
I’m (trying) to go persuade my family to go vegetarian, aiming for a zero waste where I can, but it all seems like whistling into the wind.
What kind of world will be children grow up into?

Ceebeegee · 12/11/2018 19:00

I want to take him back because I love him. Yes he might do it again but I want my family back and I want to at least give it a try.

FloweringOrchid · 12/11/2018 19:05

To the people that talk behind my back:

Yes, I have put on a hell of a lot of weight. Yes, I do look like shit. I am ILL! I am drowning in the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I do not have the energy to make myself look good. I am clean, my clothes are clean, my children are happy, safe and loved. Some support and help wouldnt go a miss rather than whispering and looking at me funny.

To my childrens father:

You destroyed me. Well done. I know you wont stop until I am dead. You are scum. And so is your squirrel faced girlfriend for slagging me off to my children at any given opportunity. I hate your guts.

To the girlfriend:

Carry on mocking me. You will find out one day that he is fucking both men and women behind your back. You too will feel my pain one day when he gets bored of you and disowns your child in the process. You are a jumped up cunt, karma will get you both.

To my mum:

You let me down. I needed you. I will never forgive some of your actions. No child should have to put their paraletic mother to bed on the eve of their fathers funeral. You left me sitting alone and scared in the dark with no food. I understand you were hurting too, but your actions in the years following my father death have impacted me for life. I still love you.

Loyaultemelie · 12/11/2018 19:05

To those around me I am not ok. Stop putting all your problems on me because I'm drowning under my own here. Dsis most of your dramas are self created and totally unnecessary. Dh yes it's shit but I could do with some support too sometimes instead of having to hold everything together for both work and home. Dd1 I love you more than you will ever know and I am fighting tooth and nail to get you all the help you need I know home is your safe place where you don't have to mask but just once an I love you would be music to the ears.
... and back to reality

Nothininmenoggin · 12/11/2018 19:06

HmmConfused

mundaymoaner · 12/11/2018 19:11

to the annoying twat i sit next to at work that thinks so highly of herself. you look ten yrs older than you are and your boring. i hate you, hate listening to you talk about your kid all day and moaning about your controlling husband. you make me want to get a new job!

BloodyBing · 12/11/2018 19:38

To my husband. I'd happily never have sex again. Sorry. I just can't be arsed. Any come on that you make just makes my stomach turn.
But I love you and I want to stay together.

AnnieHawk · 12/11/2018 19:48

To my MiL - you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You are incapable of looking after yourself because you have never bothered to learn how. You are lazy and self-centred and pointless. Your entire family has enabled your childish tantrums. My husband has pretty much walked away from his marriage and our home in order to accommodate your selfishness. Well, things are about to change. You are going into respite care on a regular basis if I have to carry you on my back. End of discussion.

Thethiniceofanewday · 12/11/2018 19:50

Women don't have dicks.

ShutUpBaz · 12/11/2018 19:54

I'm sick of thinking for everyone around me. My five staff, my DC and my husband.

I am mentally exhausted and at some point, I will break down. Not sure what will happen then but I'm sort of looking forward to the peace.

I make allowances for everyones shortcomings but if I show any weakness of any kind you are all there like a pack of hyenas to pick my bones.

Fuck you all.

(Thats was cathartic. Thank you MN!)

BoooForYou · 12/11/2018 20:02

To my mum:
The amount of times I wanted to stand up to you as a child, I wanted to hit you like you hit me, verbally, physically and emotionally. You made me feel like shit, I tried so hard to please you that I ended up with very few happy memories of childhood. I made myself the weird kid, the bullied nerd by trying to live up to your standards. And that made you all the nastier. Even when I got away from you, you still persued me, you tried to split DH and I up.
But actually, thank you.
Thank you for teaching me to be strong.
Thank you for showing me that if I can drop you and never speak to you again, I can do the same with others who place negativity at my door.
Thank you for making me a far better mother than you could've ever been.
And thank you for never putting a stain on my kids joy, or my enjoyment of everything they do.
Finally, now that everyone has finally dropped you, enjoy the loneliness you inflicted on me as a kid.

krazyinlove · 12/11/2018 20:08

To my Dad
Why do you have to be so nasty to everyone? Why do you think you are never wrong?
I'm the only one who has stood up to you and you think I'm unreasonable. So you have lost me and your grand children . If only you will apologise and say you are wrong and that you will at least try, but you don't think you are in the wrong. I think this is very sad Sad

Original poster
BlingLoving · 12/11/2018 20:27

Wow. Didn't think anyone would actually join me. Some.of these are heart breaking. Thank you for sharing.

OP posts:
chillpizza · 12/11/2018 20:34

To the universe

Why did you let me as a young child find my loved one dead? It traumatised me so much I can’t have a proper healthy relationship.

ReflectionsofParadise · 12/11/2018 20:35

To one of my best friends who is going through IVF with his wife of 2yrs.

I know you feel trapped. I know it's not how you wanted it to happen. We know she is taking over and you're not having a say in anything at all... I know you don't love her and you know she only said yes as it was her "last chance". I know you desperately want kids. But you need to know you can still walk away - no one will judge you.

You can have everything you want with the right person - she is out there, we were all dying to find her for you and meet her.

You shouldn't have and didn't ever need to, in your own words, "settle" for the girl you met on duty at work... because "that's what you do in your 30's isn't it".

You deserve better. You deserve the right one.

MILMILMIL · 12/11/2018 20:36

To MIL: I know you're not the sharpest tool in the box but an endlessly repeated string of anecdotes does not a conversation make.

Barbie222 · 12/11/2018 20:36

To my family: I want us to go vegan.

Flutternotsoshy · 12/11/2018 20:38

To DP. I understand that you are ill, but you also need to understand that I am also unwell and although mine is better controlled I feel like I'm drowning under all the stuff I have to do to keep our household afloat.

To Mum. I am not you. I want totally different things and don't need a.lot of the things you push on me. I work as much as you do and do as much as you on 1/3 of the income so it's not that I don't want to go out with you, I honestly can't afford it and if you constantly pay I feel like a burden.

To Dad. Wake up. You've caused all your health problems by not looking after yourself. If you started now you could do so much more and not have to rely on Mum for everything so she would be less stressed out. I know you've worked hard all your life, but we can't do this for you. You need to want to do it.

God I'm feeling very emotional now...

Glossymare · 12/11/2018 20:41

To my mum.

Your drinking terrified me. I wasted every blowing out my birthday candles wish on you stopping.

dontpointatme · 12/11/2018 20:41

To my husband:
Actually yes, I do want you to leave, contrary to what I said the other week. I'm sorry but I don't love you any more. I'm just too scared that I actually couldn't afford to do it all on my own. So until my finances are better it looks like you're staying.

paffuto · 12/11/2018 20:44

Women don't have dicks. No but we certainly have balls to get through all the shit!

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 12/11/2018 20:51

Dear DH, DF, and my childhood best friends;

Can you all please stop smoking. I adore you. I don’t want smoking to end your lives early.

To my Ex Fiancé’s now ExW: I’m so bloody proud of you. I hope you know, every time I saw you in the supermarket or at the beach and I smiled and asked how you were, I meant it. I only wanted good stuff for you. And I knew when you moved from Sussex to Cardiff to be with him you were leaving everyone you loved behind. I know you didn’t see your mum for the 4 years you were together aside from your wedding. I know it was because of him.
You look so smiley now. You have fun and wear red lipstick. You make me so happy.

tictac86 · 12/11/2018 20:58

To my dh, you frighten me. You twist everything i say. I try so hard to make things perfect and you only notice when they arent. You put everyone before us and make out your so kind and helpful. You control everything. Your double standards are tiring. I wish i stayed single with my dd. Your not the amazing man you think you are and your destroying me.