to say here what I can't say in RL. Feel free to do the same

[BlingLoving]

To SIL, who is married to complete waste of space:

"Just leave him. He adds no value to your life. You are either working or looking after DC. You spend your life supporting him emotionally and financially and he doesn't do anything to support you. He resents fatherhood, and makes you feel guilty for the fact that he has less time and that the two of you can't go out. His constant weed smoking is not healthy when there are young children in the house and the fact that you can't see that is how much he's messed with your mind. He will NEVER finish his qualifications because he's too lazy/stupid to do it and that means he will NEVER change jobs so he will simply continue to whine and complain to you while expecting you to bear the brunt of the financial burden.

And all of these things turn YOU into a not very nice person. You are defensive and easily angered with everyone, including your DC. We all KNOW it's because you literally don't get 10 minutes to yourself and are juggling 1000 balls, but it's tiring. And every single time you shout at him because he's being a dick, you somehow land up being the bad guy.

DC will be FINE without him in their lives on a daily basis. So will you. It won't b e easy but you are not exactly modelling a fantastic relationship for them so keeping around is just going to harm them in the long run. Just leave. Please just leave."

Sadly, can't say any of that in real life as he's convinced her she's a terrible, cruel person who doesn't take his needs into account. Ditto, that he is a poor pathetic man who needs her and if she doesn't look after him, who will. Sigh.

Thanks. This was cathartic.

Mum. I don't like you. You've made some crazy decisions in the past few years but abandoning your family for him was low. But now you've left him, what - are we all supposed to just forget?! Forget that you barely talk to your own son, hardly recognise mine, no absolutely nothing about my life and the have the absolute GALL to take advantage of my Dad.

We will never have the relationship you want and that is your fault. I dread the day you move back nearer to us - how the hell can I keep you away from my kids then? How can I convince my Dad to stop pushing a relationship I don't want? To stop gaslighting my kids into believing she cares about them? Because Mum - you care only about yourself.

You think I don’t know those texts were about me. It hurts. You’re adults and bullies. And it’s all because I called you on your racism.

She's probably absolutely desperate for someone to say just that. If you ever get the chance say "but you're important too" because it sounds like she's forgotten it, doesn't have time for it or doesn't believe it.

Yes, I know I’ve lost too much weight and look gaunt. No I don’t think I look good, yes, I do love food as a matter fact and I crave it but my eating disorder has returned again after 20 years. Caring for mum, holding down a demanding full time job, doing everything in the home for a husband that has never understood the meaning of equality in addition to battling anxiety for years has left me feeling that my eating habits are the only thing I have control over.

To my beloved sis in laws, I wish you cared for me as much as I did for you all. Instead your fake displays of affection with pictures on social media mean nothing, especially when it’s all superficial.
My children I love you so much I’m so so scared of anything happening to you.
My “friend” you are a user and don’t really give a fuck about me really.

There are too many stories here, I can't comment on them. But you are all so brave. My issues with sil and her wanker h seem petty now.

E.

As a young person, the relationship with your Dad damaged you, as you acknowledge but have not yet fully understood.
Your feelings of inadequacy from a very young age have solidified over the years and as a result you have always tried and failed in every venture you've embarked on in a quest for something 'more', something unachievable and unnamed. You will continue to do so until you realise you only need to be at peace with yourself.

This is why you've moved around so much, this is why you've had so many jobs, this is why your many relationships have been shallow and unsatisfying and why you display dissatisfaction, anger and are so deeply judgemental of everyone around you. This is why everything you fight hard to win is immediately discarded the second you 'achieve' it. It is a reflection of how you feel about your own worth.

You will never find true happiness or peace until you acknowledge that the judgements you pass on other people are a reflection of your own insecurities. People are not commodities to brandish about like achievements, discarding one after another.

I never told you for fear of further damaging you but you have many of your Father's qualities. On some level I think you know this and despise it within yourself, further feeding your insecurities.

I hope you find some inner peace, if only to stop hurting others in your quest for validation.

Dear doctor. I don't really have anxiety these days, I just really like temazepam.

Dear sister, you are the kindest, funniest person on this earth. I really wish you made more effort with your clothes though.

Dear friend, I'm sorry but that thing you're really passionate about is boring.

Dear random unrelated in law who I only see at large gatherings. Christ, you're hard work. You have a gob like a wet weekend and you're ghastly to your grandchildren.

Dear random school dad, wouldn't it be ace if we were married to each other.

These are heartbreaking! I hope some of you can leave the toxic people in your life behind and move on. For those feeling hopeless, please be kind to yourselves and know that the world is a better place for your presence (yes it really is).

To DH,
I know you're cheating (again), you know I know, but I only have circumstancial evidence, no actual proof. Why have you told her "we're only together for the children" stop being such a ridiculous cliché! I'm a fucking amazing wife who has coped with an enormous amount of shit from life since we've been together: wake up and smell the coffee!!!

To MIL: no, all of your children aren't perfect.

Dear mum from school,

Please stop calling your daughter clumsy and hopeless, particularly when she is standing right beside us. She is neither, and you are massively damaging her self esteem. You think it’s funny but it’s really not and her little face flushes every time you make your ‘joke’.

To my biological father:

I'll be happy when you're dead. I laughed when someone told me your cunt mother died, so imagine my delight when someone eventually tells me you're dead.

Reading these stories these realities, it's heartbreaking. I wish I could make it all better. You are braver than you know.

Outwardly I'm a confident, professional succeeding at life. However... My life is a complete fucking mess. I've broken the heart of a man who adores me, to be with a man who totally gets me and lives me and I'm terrified that I've made the wrong choice. I'm scared I'll be a fuck up my whole life, bouncing from one man to another whilst never truly feeling happy with myself. I hide behind being competent and yet I'm a shit mother who shouts far too much.

Also I voted remain but no longer care about remaining; I just don't want us screwed by the Europeans.

I hate fucking Trump and hope he drops dead. Preferably in a painful and hilarious way.

To mum. Thanks for making me have a food complex because of how you always went on about food and what size I was. Today you make me feel like a beast when you start, and I’m not. Also, you make me feel uncomfortable in my own home and I love it when you leave.

Dad, I wish you’d never smoked. If you hadn’t then you’d still be here, being a proper grandad to my kids who have missed out on having you in their lives.

Husband, I wish I’d left you the day you smacked our eldest in the face but I didn’t. I was stupid and naive. He’d be such a different child now if you didnt have a go at him at every given opportunity. If you ever touch him again, I will report you myself.

To my friend. You’ve just made a terrible mistake and you have to deal with the consequences. I will be there to support you but it has made me question your morals. I wish you weren’t such a gossip then you wouldn’t be in this mess. I still love you though.

To the same friend. You are much more capable than you think to walk away from him when he treats you like his hooker. He’s manipulative and will never change. But I’m here for you as always.

To family. Life gets too much for me sometimes and I cut myself. Those scars aren’t scratches like I said they were.

To my older sister. I get it - I really do - she wasn't the best mother, but do you know what, she did the best she could
She didn8t know how to be a mother, and yes, at times,she treated us both in a way we don't recognise as outstanding parenting but we have discussed this so many times and we know she has an undiagnosed mental illness as well as being widowed horrendously young with no money and two poorly children. She's dying now and after 7 years of you refusing to speak to her, 7 years in which me and my kids have been there for her, you swan in for 10 minutes and fuck off again. It's not enough
she didn't even care who you were. Please don't come to her funeral. No one wants you there.

Great thread!

To the OW,

The woman who had a lovely boyfriend but chose to take MY boyfriend, the father of the baby that was growing inside my stomach into your bed. You did it because you are sick, spiteful and damaged.

Karma certainly had its way with you this summer and once again he showed his true colours. How did it feel going on holiday with him knowing he was still in love with me? Knowing he wanted to be home with me and his unborn child? He told you I was a lunatic and that he would always be true to you didn’t he? But then you realised what a liar he was when you read that he wished he could replace you with me.
He did the same when he took you to Portugal, Berlin and Copenhagen.

This is the man that called your children savages and whom your friends and family despise. This is a man who has mocked your appearance, called you a conniving pig, made fun of your sexual prowess and called you a bad mother. This is the man you lost everything for. I sent you the messages and the recordings, there are lots more if you’d like to see them?

This man left you for yet another woman and the only reason he has anything to do with you now is because he has nobody because he’s inherently bad really, but you know this don’t you? He’s never loved you, you know this deep down nor does he respect you else he wouldn’t have broken your trust and confidence to gain my trust and win my heart.

Miracously your ex boyfriend took you back even though you cheated on him and had unprotected sex with a man who has genital warts, who accused you of giving them to him. Nevertheless this man clearly loves you and yet you betray him once again with the father of my child, who doesn’t belong to you, nor me for that matter but belongs to someone else. But you can’t help yourself can you? How hurt would your boyfriend be if he found out you’re about to do it all again. You’ve become just like my ex, rotten to the core and without any morals whatsoever.

You do realise that at the same time he’s been telling you he’s unhappy with his new squeeze he’s been telling me the same and he’s also begged to come back to me and our baby. He has made many promises, suggested he moves away from you whom he calls Voldemort and has offered marriage. Has he invited you to the States over Christmas too? I guffawed. He will use you and spit you out as he has done countless times and you know that if I want him back at any time he would be mine. The only reason for his continued communication to you is because I’ve made it clear I don’t want the scum bag back so he’s casting his net to you. He didn’t give you a second thought when he was happy with A, and her children. He thinks that the way to get me back is to threaten to get back with you but what he fails to understand is that I couldn’t care less if you’re both together because it won’t last because you can’t stop obsessing about me and you won’t keep your anxiety at bay. You’ll wait for the next time he goes MIA and you’ll know.

You are a disgrace to humanity and you deserve him and his vile treatment of you, it’s your DC that I feel for, they will grow up thinking that it’s ok for a man to treat a woman like a dog, you’re no feminist and I fear you’ve become as narcissistic as my ex.

I don’t hate you I pity you. Crawl back under your rock and stop destroying people’s lives you vile woman.

To my ex. I wasted 4 years of my life with you. You joined a cult and expected me to facilitate your new lifestyle. I paid off your debts, drove you and your family around even when I was so ill I was dangerous. When you expected me to ask my mum for money to fix my fucking car instead of doing overtime on a Sunday because how would you get to church (200 mile round trip 50 there 50 back twice)

Rebelling and doing that overtime changed my life. Because I met my now DP. Who became my best friend and then my DP after I had the courage to leave you. He convinced me I wasn't overreacting to your 56yr old brother attempting to groom MY 15 yr old DD. I called the police and that ended the marriage.

With DP I've done more, seen more,flown on a plane for the first time enjoyed my life more in the last two years than I ever did.

I'm slimmer,richer,have a new car and I'm living in a house for the first time in 12 years. My DD is living with us.

You in the meantime are on benefits, still entrenched with your ex in laws and have had a kid with a girl ten years your junior. And you have the utter cheek to invite my DD round to try and pump her for info on my past relationships so you can attempt to force me in front of a panel of Catholic Priests and get an annulment. Oh no. We are getting a DIVORCE. The marriage happened all right. And I am not taking the blame so you can swan off and pretend you are a real priest. Fuck that. I haven't been near a church since before I left you. Not gonna happen.

I'm not sorry I ended it. I'm a better person for it and I've kept my dignity and been civil and polite even when your chav of a gf calls me 'an utter cunt' on social media and sends it to my DD

But fuck you. And your cult.

Sorry but that felt good.

My darling Mark
It's been over 30 years since you killed yourself, I was submerged in grief for 20 years but met and married DH over 10 years ago.
I love DH, though he can be a twat sometimes (and one of the reasons I love him is because 99% of the time he owns up to his twattishness)

But....I think you were the Love Of My Life. Terribly, DH has said he knows he is not TLOML, but I am his.

Do I feel this way because you died before I could discover your twattishness? It bothers me, because I can't help wondering what my life would have been if you hadn't died. Or if we hadn't even met.

M - I resent you because I am literally trapped by you in a life I don't want and I cannot (really - cannot. There is noone else to take my place because the only person who could purposely keeps away and doesn't even ring above 3 times a year) escape this life until you die. You have stolen my life. By the time you die I will be at least fifty years old with no husband or relationship, no children (and unable to have any) and noone to look after me as I age.

This is such a great thread .
I wish I had the power to take away some of the pain I am reading through here
Some of it is just so raw , real and sadly relatable for me
Thankyou for being so honest with your stories
You amazing , beautiful people

To A. You did what I wanted to do, and couldn't. I didn't have the courage, but you did, and I am grateful. I have never, and I will never, tell anyone.

To my friends with all four grandparents still living for their children:

Yes we do miss them.
Yes it is really hard.
Yes I'm sure all four of them would have loved to have seen him.
No we have no childcare,
really,
never,
none.

Now please stop fucking moaning that your mum is doing your head in.
I wish mine was.