to say here what I can't say in RL. Feel free to do the same

[BlingLoving]

To SIL, who is married to complete waste of space:

"Just leave him. He adds no value to your life. You are either working or looking after DC. You spend your life supporting him emotionally and financially and he doesn't do anything to support you. He resents fatherhood, and makes you feel guilty for the fact that he has less time and that the two of you can't go out. His constant weed smoking is not healthy when there are young children in the house and the fact that you can't see that is how much he's messed with your mind. He will NEVER finish his qualifications because he's too lazy/stupid to do it and that means he will NEVER change jobs so he will simply continue to whine and complain to you while expecting you to bear the brunt of the financial burden.

And all of these things turn YOU into a not very nice person. You are defensive and easily angered with everyone, including your DC. We all KNOW it's because you literally don't get 10 minutes to yourself and are juggling 1000 balls, but it's tiring. And every single time you shout at him because he's being a dick, you somehow land up being the bad guy.

DC will be FINE without him in their lives on a daily basis. So will you. It won't b e easy but you are not exactly modelling a fantastic relationship for them so keeping around is just going to harm them in the long run. Just leave. Please just leave."

Sadly, can't say any of that in real life as he's convinced her she's a terrible, cruel person who doesn't take his needs into account. Ditto, that he is a poor pathetic man who needs her and if she doesn't look after him, who will. Sigh.

Thanks. This was cathartic.

To everyone in my life: I am so tired of listening to your problems and giving you emotional support at the drop of a hat. None of you listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Put your fucking phone away when I am talking to you when I’m in need of support.
And to my housemate: start buying some milk, stop overloading the washing machine and hogging it for 2-3 days at a time and take the fucking recycling out when it gets full and I’m not home. You don’t even work full time!!!!!

To my mum: I wish you’d have made more of an effort to know me whilst I was growing up. Understand why I did what i did instead of going off at the deep end (such as charging out of the house with a knife towards my boyfriends house when finding out I’d lost my virginity at 15, & then calling me a slut & slapping my face when I got home).

I feel you just oversaw my childhood. You’re more trying now, but I’m in my 40’s & too late for a close relationship.

To my MIL : how did we fall into this habit of you turning up every Sunday morning for you to see the kids. You barely talk to them, don’t interact unless I ask you to, compare everything my 2 do with their cousins ; you being there just makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house!

To my friend...
I don'd understand why you stay with him. He is so self obsessed and image conscious and your fluctuating weight is down to the stress he causes you expecting you to look perfect all the time. I bet he cheats on you every chance he gets. He loves attention too much to ever turn anyone away. These 'work nights out' and 'business trips' are all too common, oh and no one gets fired for gross misconduct without being given a reason and the chance to defend themselves. WAKE THE FUCK UP!

Why is it whenever you have the odd day or night out he has to either go to his parents house or have his Mum over to help look after your 1 child?? Why is it that he puts his needs and wants before you and your child every time. Why is it YOU that has to constantly bend to his demands?
He is a toxic and vile human being. I love you to bits but I hate him with every fibre of my being. Watching him strip your self confidence by putting you down and making you cancel plans so you're always at home with your child, going on holiday after holiday while you stay at home.
It's either so normal to you now that you don't even realise his behaviour is not - or you are too scared to tell me you are not happy. I wish you would open up to me. I will always be here for you x

To my DB:
Stop behaving like an entitled dick. One day you are going to wake up and realise how monumentally you screwed up. When mum and dad have gone and no one in the extended family wants to have anything to do with you, that’s when you’ll realise. Or maybe you’ll realise when you don’t get any inheritance, because that’s the only thing you care about. Don’t worry, our little DSis and DB will be the first to tell you how much you screwed up, with the rest of us right behind them. We don’t need you, you will never be the man of our house, dad has his faults, but he never turned his back on his family. Go to your in laws, as you have done. They are your family now.

Oh and stop being so jealous I have a relationship with our parents, you could too, it’s not fucking rocket science, I told you this years ago – make a fucking effort and they will do the same. You can’t just take, take, take.

SIL:
Stop being an entitled bitch and appreciate your life. DB doesn’t work all hours because he likes to escape the family, he does it because you’re a lazy cow and won’t work part time now the kids are in school fulltime. Also, I’m not the evil witch you think I am. Oh and DB lies sometimes, usually so that he doesn’t look like the bad guy. I also know all of the shit you have said about me and I don’t give a fuck. You’re not alone, you CHOSE to be alone. This is your doing, not ours. Take some fucking responsibility and stop acting like a spoiled brat.

DF:
I love you and I am so happy I am “allowed” back into your good graces again, but seriously butt out of DSis life, stop going through her stuff and trying to find things! You did it once and it broke your bloody heart, you found out things you really did not want to know and here you are again! She is an adult, she has the right to write to whoever she wants, just because she lives at home does not give you the right to rifle through her stuff. You have raised her, it’s enough. She is not a child, she has a right to know her family. If you really want to know, ASK HER, be open with her, she’d be more likely to talk to you!

Also, sort your fucking wills out – especially if you don’t want your kids to have anything. We (well the majority of your kids) don’t care, it’s your money. But DB will be entitled if you don’t have a will.

DM:
Please eat some bloody food, your meds won’t work unless you eat. PLEASE EAT! I know the rest of your personality won’t change, but this can. Listen to DF and DSis, they only say it because they care and worry about you. We still need you in our lives!
Also, thanks for all of the self-esteem/body issues I have. I have told you this, but clearly it hasn’t sunk in, I am more than what I weigh! Life is not just about what the scales say. Being fat does not make me a bad person. I am trying to not hate myself just because I am overweight, this would have been a lot easier if you didn’t make me feel like shit if I was a little bigger. I am not you, I actually like to eat food.

Little DB:
You and DSis are meant to be a team, she is not the enemy, you are both victims but you do not need to remain a victim! Grow the fuck up and treat your sister right because one day you may end up alone and she won’t be there to support you because you pushed her away and for once she didn’t take your shit.

To my friends:
THANK YOU, I wouldn’t have survived the last two years without you, I’m sorry if I have been selfish and self-absorbed, it’s just been such a hard time, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

To my manager:
GROW UP, the guy you love is a complete cunt, he is playing you! He will never leave her and even if he did, he treats you like shit already, what on earth makes you think that he will magically be better when you live together, he won’t even date you ffs! You have created this character based on scraps of interaction!! He has treated you like shit for YEARS, stop letting him, get your dignity and self-respect back. Also get some bloody counselling, it’s not useful talking to me or a guy half your age, we cannot help you! AND YOU DO NEED HELP. You do need counselling, even if you can’t admit it. You are co-dependent, you are in an abusive relationship (and I’m not saying this because I’ve been in one and am ‘tainted’ by it ffs). I love you, but I cannot see you torture yourself over a bellend of a man. You deserve much more. Learn to be comfortable by yourself. Be happy in who you are, you do not need a man to be happy, do not let him be all of your happiness! Also, eat. Stop believing that meeting society’s checklist of what a woman should look like means you have achieved something! I have my flaws and know you judge me for still having counselling and being overweight, but honestly, I’d rather be overweight and comfortable with being on my own than waiting for some man who keeps breaking his promises and treating me like shit. For the record, if he ever moves in with you, he will be a cocklodger!

STBExH:
You’re a cunt and I hate you, you left me and fucked off to your new life without a care in the world. Leaving me to deal with your shit. Like your clothes and you have the audacity to make out that I’m being unreasonable because you’re trying to treat me like a wife and I’m pissed off about it. Who the fuck is doing your shit now. You are abusive, our marriage broke down because you were abusive, but you never learnt, counselling never helped you, if anything it gave you different ways to pick on me. Also, it wasn’t my fucking job to nag you into counselling, you honestly think that after hitting me, the best course of action for me was to tell you to go to anger management?! How stupid are you? I hate you, I hate that you used the worst event in my life against me and tried to make out I was irrational about your behaviour because of my family history. YOUR behaviour caused this, you are alone because of YOUR behaviour. I hope one day you realise how you fucked up. You probably won’t though, you have a genius way of making it seem like I was overreacting, that I was wrong when in fact it was you.

Ex’s family:
I miss you, I miss being called ‘sis’ by you BIL, I miss Dad too. I know he probably won’t remember me now though. I am sorry I couldn’t stay with STBExH, but it was too much, he hadn’t changed, he was still abusive until the day he left. But you won’t know that, he won’t tell you. I wish you would talk to me, just to say hi but I have to accept I have lost you all too. BIL, I pray that it never happens to DN but if it does, I hope you tell her to leave, I hope you stand by her and not imply that she’s overreacting because of what happened in her family like you did with me. That was a dick move.

DP- You know I love your friends and don't care that you have been involved with a couple of them ages ago. We are open and honest and you have accepted the ex lovers in my circle. However, I can't say this without sounding awful but I don't want to meet C. I'm gutted that she's got a new job near you. I know she's got a boyfriend now but I am sure it's still you she'd like. I trust you but not her and I wish you'd cut her off. I hate it whenever you see her. I know I'm being unreasonable and I would never ask you to stop seeing her or cut ties, I will never say anything and I will meet her and smile and never let on. You're with me, not her and I know this is what you want ... but I can't help wishing she wasn't there and that you had severed ties when you told her no.

C- It's not your fault. But I want you to drop off the face of the earth. Sorry.

To my DP-
Fucking hell, I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone. I look forward to your coming home every day, and I cherish your company and your love. We risked so much to be together, and we've been so solid. I know you may have to go soon, and I know that there's nothing you can do about it. I will always, always love you, and I know you'll always love me too. It makes me so sad to think of you and I existing apart. These circumstances are unspeakably cruel.
You're always on my mind.

To my so called friend, it's not my fault your child is a bully, it's not my fault you can't face up to what she's done so stop treating me like I've done something wrong when I've just decided to give my child some space from the child who has been making her miserable. Instead of trying to make me uncomfortable and isolated, try getting your own house in order.

To my entitled sister. The world does not owe you childcare.

To my ex colleague- I still miss you more than I'm supposed to. There were so many times I wanted to kiss you but didn't dare. I have relived our last hug goodbye so many times.

To my Ex"D"H
I haven't seen you or spoken to you since you walked out over 40 years ago. A whole lifetime. Hope you are happy how yours turned out: it was probably the best thing you ever did for me. Your dad said I'd never amount to anything: that gave me the incentive to get a degree, something I should have done rather than marry you in the first place.
We were too young and too emotionally immature to marry, and you couldn't see how much I resented you treating the house as little more than a hotel, looking after you just like your mother. You were out with your mates almost every night and couldn't see how bored and lonely I was, and how worried I got when you didn't even come home from work or stayed out well into the small hours without letting me know. You didn't realise just how depressed I was after our second son was born. You never knew how much you hurt me when you threw away a lot of my books when we moved house. You were too emotionally stilted to show me any affection. Even a nod of appreciation every so often might have helped me feel a little better. I do hope you learned to be a bit more loving with your second wife, even if she did hate your kids.

I know you were trying to punish me by making it impossible to see our kids. I hope you are pleased with yourself for inflicting that selfish witch on them: that probably has a lot to do with their current issues with self esteem. And no doubt a role model like you shaped their own attitudes towards women. One a commitment-phobe who walked away from three different women when they were pregnant or shortly afterwards. But you probably don't know too much about their adult lives as you keep a distance from them. You've never even met your 2 great grandchildren despite living in the same town.

Oh yes and finally - to my flatmate. You are a sloppy house keeper, you are permanently in my way and I resent your existence. You're a slovenly, thoughtless, lazy nuisance and you have appalling taste.

All of your decorations are twee, tacky dust gatherers and make you look like a mawkish sad act with your little hearts everywhere and live laugh love every twenty paces.

Since my dearest wish to move out in time for Christmas won't be granted, I would dearly love for you to leave, or get some taste. Or failing that, something deadly.

Sorry to be a cow but this thread is VERY cathartic!!!

B. Well you've got what you always wanted. Hope it chokes you. I'm not putting up with your shit any longer. Oh and stop rewriting history. We all know what happened that day and I've made sure that the people concerned know all about you. Well they don't know everything but that's my secret for now.

Friend 1. Please stop doing this to yourself. You are going to end up dead. I've known for many years what you are doing and now you add drinking into the mix. You cannot carry on like this any more please get help.

Friend 2. You flirt with me whenever i see you but we both know nothing can come of it. Btw i've fancied you for years. Oh and i think she might know too.

To Mum and Dad. Some years ago i was tested by a psycologist to see if i had any problems so i could possibly get some support with certain things going on in my life. They asked me lots of questions and gave me puzzles to do. The result was i'm borderline learning disabled. No one knows this about me cos i never told anyone. Did you know? Was it why you tried to wrap me in cotton wool? Dad was it why you didnt take an interest in my life? Mum was it why you sometimes didnt understand why i did the things i did? I wont ever know now cos you're both gone. But i do wish someone had told me. It sure explains a lot.

To my MIL. Stop posting in the 'family' facebook group how perfect your granddaughter is and how she is 'grandmas angel'. You have another grandchild who is starting to feel the rejection now. I enjoy seeing the photos of her, but every comment doesn't need the same fucking caption. Be grateful you have two beautiful grandchildren!

DD2: Please drop this ridiculous idea of being trans. You are not. You are just a normal teen trying to make sense of their new body and development. Please just be a boyish girl. It will break my heart if you take hormones and get surgery when you're older.

Mum.

I finally broke up with him. My heart is breaking. Don't fucking keep asking for details because it feels like ALL you want to do is gloat about 'now you know how it feels'. My life is not a repeat of yours and I don't want to end up a lonely bitter old witch like you.

M you are my entire life. I never wanted anything other than a happily ever after with you. No doubt the spin will be that it's all my fault but they are my kids for fucks sake. I love you. I miss you. I'm broken.

Exh. Fuck off out of our lives. Do the kids a favour and stop getting their hopes up of a relationship then fuck off again for 6 months.

S I don't know how you get away with it. You consistantly do much less than any of us, you are shit at your job and you are a laughing stock but get paid a massive sum more than us for the same role.

I'm broken.

My beautiful D - I love you and I wish you felt the same way, but I know that as you are married and straight you never will.
I miss you.

I think about you daily, but I know it's been too long, and you're too far away now it won't ever happen.

I hope that you find someone who loves you as much as I did, because I really did. I fucked up and I know It was my fault but it also sort of wasn't and you know why.

I know you lied to me in that DM, and I know it's because your pride was wounded. You didn't have questions of any kind you said, well, it turns out I do, lots.

J your wonderful, amazing, incredibly high achieving daughter is gay. She is terrified to tell you as your unashamed attitude towards and opinion of 'the gays' (see also foreigners, migrants, remainers and anti-Trump voters) is fucking horrific. You will never have bio grandkids or a traditional wedding to wear a hat to - this will not happen while you are still alive.

Despite all she has achieved this will be a full stop in your relationship despite this being WHO SHE IS.

To my colleague today who asked, 'Are you ok? You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders' and I said 'Yes, I'm fine'...……. I lied. I really do have a weight on my shoulders, and I don't know what to do to get rid of it or make it feel better.

My Aunts, Uncles and Cousins who stopped speaking to us after Grandads death. We didn't do anything wrong. It's just that you're all jealous that I had the grandchild/grandparent relationship with both grandparents, that your kids didn't have. I may have been the spoilt brat, but your jealous and spiteful traits are worse. 5 years down the line and your NC makes my life so much brighter.

To my DH, I love you, but you're a pain in the arse. Your decisions are immature sometimes and you're a messy twat. But heyho!

Ds you’ve done it again. This is the 5th Christmas that you will spend with her family and not your own. I get it ... I really do...your an adult and can choose. I wish we knew why she hates us so much and I wish just once that you would stick up for us, but I know that will never happen. We were so delighted when you said that you were coming for Boxing Day, but of course I should have known that her family would take precedence over ours, so now that her relatives are coming to visit for a week and your now having a family party ( we are family too ) that just so happens to be the day you said you’re coming to us, you would change your plans and cut us out yet again. I actually cannot take this any more. The hurt that you inflict on all of us. I never say anything, of course I smile and say it’s fine, while my heart breaks a little more. I do not want to come to your wedding, we have been cut out of that too haven’t we? The bad feeling it caused when you only invited one half of a couple, these are supposed to be close relatives, but we are only there because we have to be. I never told you that I’d heard her say that, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Your brother was devastated when he was told from someone else that her brother was your best man. You couldn’t even tell him yourself you just implied and let him believe that of course he was to stand beside you, your only brother, then let a friend drop into conversation that in fact he wasn’t. The hen party none of your family were invited to, the stag party that only includes her family. I actually want to say to you that if you don’t want us in your life, then that’s ok, I will learn to live with that, but you have to stop treating us like shit you stood in. We love you son, but this is the last time I will put up with this, I will not make excuses for you anymore. You are selfish and weak and I want to cut you out of my life to protect myself, but I would never do that because I’m your mum and I love you.

To the world
There is no such thing as a lady Penis, sex is biological and saying so does not make me transphobic.

To my mum
Your decisions making skills are shit. You have f**ked up big time in your life and you still make crap decisions. You love to be a martyr and I'm sick of it. I will never be like you. Thank goodness. I will always love you but I don't want to be a party to your martyrdom.

To my older sister.
You were dealt a crap hand in childhoods, just like me as yes, I was there too. However since teenage years, you have been one of the most selfish people I have ever met. I think it comes from childhood trauma but come of it, to be so self centred is not normal. I think your children suffer because of it but I don't think you will ever wake up and smell the coffee. You are too far gone. I have limited seeing you for years and I will go even more low contact from now on.

To my younger sister.
I see what you do to protect yourself and I am proud of you. However you need to go to anger management as how you treat your teenaged son is wrong and I have told you so and I will do so again.

I missed you after our argument when you stopped talking to me but I can never again be truly close to you as you broke my heart. You were one of many in my life, as you know to break me but when you turned your back on me I felt like you had died. I grieved for you.

When you were sick and I reached out to you to offer you help, time and time again but you sent messages to other family members, telling me to stay away.

Then you just walked back in like you had never stopped talking to me me. You acted like it had been 8 days instead of 8 years. I still can't believe it.

I love you and I missed you and I grieved for you. I will always be there to help you should you need me but I can't let you fully into my life again or be as close as we once were.

You have the power to destroy me. I'm your older sister and I looked after you everyday of your childhood. I protected you. In your teen years when I was a young single mum in my early twenties and still looking after you at my house, we clashed and fought but after that we had each other backs.

When you had your son at 16, I was with you every step of the way. Until you didn't have mine. I can't forget this.

I cried and cried over you. I worried for you when you wouldn't accept my help then I came to peace with your decision. But come off it we had one argument and you choose to cut me off for 8 years.

I will always love you but I need to keep it casual with you and we will never again be close like we once were.

To my stbexh
I love you and I would get back with you in a heart beat if I thought you could and would change. I would get back with you for your 25% nice behaviour as I'm a sap and I need to complete the freedom programme.

You are horribly abusive and our time apart has helped me to see that even more clearly.

I still would get back with you religious pressure etc but you would kill me and I will not inflict that life once more on our two daughters.

Just me alone and I would have gone home but I'm a mother and they did not choose you, I chose you. So I will put them first.
I must. I wish my own mother had made better decisions so I will do the hard ones for them. Even if I know I can't do it for myself.

We are moving away 100 miles to get free of you and your influence yet you still have such a huge part of me and I always give myself freely to you.

It's time for me to put my big girl pants on and woman up. I'm weak when it comes to you. But as much as I live you, I also hate you.

If we got back together and you ramped up the emotional and physical abuse once more I would become a statistic. Either that or I would snap and I'd be in prison. Lots of women in prison are there because of abusive males in their lives.

I asked your to get help even recently but you won't so I wish you a good life that I hope you don't inflict on another woman.

To my mum.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the way you needed me to be. I'm sorry you felt so let down by everyone and couldn't see how much we were trying and how much we loved you.

I'm sorry I was angry and frustrated with you because of my childhood in the wake of having my baby, and stopped unquestionably taking your side and approving your version of events It was never reasonable of you to expect/need that of me, but it's what I'd always done and what you'd come to rely on and I took it away at exactly the wrong time and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't realise how bad it was. I'm sorry you died distraught and alone and so angry with me you couldn't reach out to me.

I'm sorry you reached out to the wrong person, the person who in that moment you called the love of your life but who you hadn't actually seen for 30 plus years and didn't give enough of a shit about you to contact someone who was actually in your life and gave a shit and tell them what you were doing. I'm glad you didn't live to realise that's how little he cared.

I miss you so horribly, and I'm so so sorry we will never get the chance to put our relationship right now, that I didn't even realise had gone so wrong.

And I'm sorry but I'm so angry with you for taking that chance away from us both in a passing moment of irrational despair. Why couldn't you just have taken a pill and gone to bed early and given me call in the morning, given me a chance? I think you felt like you couldn't tell me how angry you were with me because you still needed my money; but I would never have stopped giving that to you, you must have known that?

And to C who she loved better, to C who she did message that night - I hope you NEVER forgive yourself for 'thinking she didn't mean it' and doing nothing to stop it. She loved you more than you could ever have deserved, and just because you didn't ask for that or want it doesn't absolve you of the basic human responsibility to get her help when she needed it and you were the only one who knew. But I shook your hand at the funeral and thanked you for coming, because she wouldn't have wanted me to hurt you. I hate you you spineless man.

To my H

You have broken me please leave before you break our children too

To my SIL. I am fed up of being made to feel inferior to you in every way, especially my parenting. Yes I try and get my DD to actually sit and eat her food, like the Christmas where me and DH were stuck in a corner around the table and couldn't get out and you made us feel bad for wanting our DD to stay at the table until we had to finished, telling her she could get down, and then you shouted at her for waking your baby because we couldn't get out and no-one else was watching her, she was 2!!!!! Have you ever thought we didn't want her to get down as we know OUR DD and what she is like? I know that incident was a while ago, there are many many other examples to, where I am made to feel like a shit parent because I watch my children and my children aren't as wonderful as yours even though both of mine walked before yours, but yours are way more advanced and much more intelligent. I love your kids and used to look up to you because of your confidence (of which I have none), but now I just have to grit my teeth and get through any time spent with you.