to say here what I can't say in RL. Feel free to do the same

[BlingLoving]

To SIL, who is married to complete waste of space:

"Just leave him. He adds no value to your life. You are either working or looking after DC. You spend your life supporting him emotionally and financially and he doesn't do anything to support you. He resents fatherhood, and makes you feel guilty for the fact that he has less time and that the two of you can't go out. His constant weed smoking is not healthy when there are young children in the house and the fact that you can't see that is how much he's messed with your mind. He will NEVER finish his qualifications because he's too lazy/stupid to do it and that means he will NEVER change jobs so he will simply continue to whine and complain to you while expecting you to bear the brunt of the financial burden.

And all of these things turn YOU into a not very nice person. You are defensive and easily angered with everyone, including your DC. We all KNOW it's because you literally don't get 10 minutes to yourself and are juggling 1000 balls, but it's tiring. And every single time you shout at him because he's being a dick, you somehow land up being the bad guy.

DC will be FINE without him in their lives on a daily basis. So will you. It won't b e easy but you are not exactly modelling a fantastic relationship for them so keeping around is just going to harm them in the long run. Just leave. Please just leave."

Sadly, can't say any of that in real life as he's convinced her she's a terrible, cruel person who doesn't take his needs into account. Ditto, that he is a poor pathetic man who needs her and if she doesn't look after him, who will. Sigh.

Thanks. This was cathartic.

to all those opening their hearts on here.wow.youve all got me in the gut right now.
im so sorry for what you've had to go through and still do.
I wish this thread bought you just a tiny little bi tof peace.or lightened the load even by a smidgen.
for still being here.for surviving like you have shows your wonderful.and strong.and just wow.
just keep going and look for any kind of good you can.
thankyou everyone for being so raw and honest.
sorry I ruined it by not being able to even on this brilliant thread.
a classic for sure.

To BFF. Please leave your husband. Please. He's a gun-happy abusive cunt. He will end up killing you, you know he will. He's already threatened you with his guns, more than once. You are bright and lovely and kind. You deserve so much more.

@ImPreCis I left after 30 years, it's still worth it.

I could never have successfully articulated to anyone what things have been like with you over the years so I thank you for getting that out there the way you did, you really showed them.

I'm sure it won't surprise you to know they are not saying to your face what they are joking about behind your back.

Can i have another say ? My sister should be in prison . She enabled her husband. But when it got dodgy she sided with me when it looked like court. Very clever. She still rules the roost. It's only me that sees it.

E, I guess I'm in love with you. But don't worry, I won't say anything about it because I don't think I have much time left and whatever the answer, it won't be fair to you. Hope you'll find a way to happiness in this ugly, ugly world.

To my husband who has been minimally conscious for 20 months. Every day I see you suffer, every day it breaks my heart. I just want it to stop.

To those bastards who have treated my 19 year old son like shit.

The teens who belittled him, embarrassed him, did awful things to him which borders on sexual harassment in my eyes, you are fucking awful and you broke his spirit.

To his colleagues. The ones who are knocking his confidence more because he is struggling. You do not know what this boy has been through, what struggles he has had already had to face and you don't know what a beautiful, kind person he is. If you got off his back for a bit and supported him instead of calling him names he would fly. Human decency costs nothing.

Those who contributed towards my son's now low self-esteem because you saw that he was vulnerable you fucking suck and you aren't clever for picking on someone vulnerable. You are just an arse.

To my son who I do say this to all the time. You fucking rock! you have amazing talent at art, you could go places. You are one of the kindest and bravest people I know. Do not let arseholes destroy your confidence. Get a different job or go to Uni and focus on the amazing talent you have. You will fly one day and they will still be arseholes.

to everyone.

I absolutely believe you and respect you when you say that in your culture, respect for your parents is non-negotiable. They want you to marry a very particular kind of person and it's part of your value system to respect that. They really have sacrificed a lot for you and you want to do everything you can to make them happy.

Okay, so how is it "respecting" your parents to sneak around and lie to them so that you can "date" Ms. Unsuitable Outsider? And when I say "date" I mean "be in an exclusive relationship, meet her family, profess undying love etc."

She's being amazingly patient. She believes you each time you say "just wait, I'll try and talk to my parents." You approached her in the first place. It's been three years.

Meanwhile your parents are still trying to set you up with a Suitable Girl.

What is the plan here? Sneak around with this girl until (god forbid) your parents die? Wait until your parents find you a Suitable Girl whom you like enough to dump Ms. Unsuitable for?

No, I don't have any sympathy for you. I know the whole mess is not my business but I'm getting close to advising Ms. Unsuitable to find herself a man with a spine.

To my Dad...... why have you cut all your family out for a woman who doesn’t even love you? Do you even think about my eldest at all? Who loved and grew a bond with you? Do you even wonder what my youngest looks like? Did you want to answer my text? Has your condition worsened? Do you want us at your funeral? What has even caused all this? ...... why?

To everyone

No, I'm not coping. I'm drowning. It's all just too much for one person to deal with. There are times where I want to walk out and never come back.

And, yet, I won't. I can't. I have to be here. I have to manage. I have to cope. Even when I'm not, I can't let the dc see it. I have to be "supermum" just like you all seem to think.

I just wish one person could be there for me. To listen. Or talk. Or ask how I'm doing, and give me a hug. But there's no-one. All of my so-called friends have gone, as I have no time. No childcare. No energy. Nothing. It's so fucking hard.

To my daughter

You are NINE. I cannot take another ten years of that sulky look and you withholding affection from me when outside of the home (and inside sometimes) you are kind, caring, intelligent, articulate and an amazing person to be around. I actually want to slap that look off your face although we both know I would never do that.

The universe

I’m fed up of being ill, I once had a work ethic, I earned for my family. I worked hard and enjoyed it. Now life is spent pacing myself and planning rest hours. I’m drowning trying to pay the bills and keep up with life. I have nowhere to turn.

My ex-fiancé

Since I’ve left you:

I’ve never been so ill. Some days my legs do not work and I have to be carried to the loo. I’ve never been so poor. I have never been this stressed...YET I AM STILL FAR HAPPIER THAN I EVER WAS WITH YOU.

To everyone

I finally love and respect myself. I think I’m doing an amazing job as a single mum. I genuinely never want another bloke as experience shows me that they wouldn’t give me the respect I now demand.

To myself. I know you are so very very tired but you can’t leave this life. Too many responsibilities, too relied on for others happiness. Keep going.

Dear mum,

I hated my childhood, thanks to you. Pushing me, almost over the edge, to perform constantly so you could brag about me to your friends, hurt me. Your friends disliked me for it.

It made me the odd-bod; the bullied einzelgänger with no friends to speak of until I finally got to be my own person. The fact that you had to die for me to achieve that is so, so sad.

I can now see though, that you did what you did out of love and because you wanted what you saw as the best for me. What hurts me now, 30 years after you died, is that I will never know whether we could have gotten on as adults. It haunts me.

To my dad:
You are a miserable excuse for a parent. You cast DSis and me off as nasty reminders of what once was after DM died and you moved your OW into our home. She hates us so much that DSis still bears the physical scars of OW actions when you were not at home. I was lucky as I managed to get out. It baffles me that you still question why our relationship consists of a 3 minute phone call every few weeks and I have not set foot in my old home for 25 years.

To those around DSis and me in our youth: how the fuck can you live with yourselves, knowing full well what went on in our home and not do anything? Karma is a bitch and she bites hard.

To ExH: your narcissistic arse still wants father of the year awards even when you barely speak to DC, have not helped at all with/towards their upbringing for 5 years now, and critisise them at every opportunity. They will grow up and, sadly, realise that I was so wrong to have DC with you, if all people.

To DSis:
I am so fucking proud of you. I am so sorry I could not get you out of the hell hole when you so desperately needed it. You are an amazing mother, a fab sister and friend. I love you.

To my DC:
You. Are. Amazing. I love you beyond words and you make me proud, happy and thankful every single day.

To OP:
Thank you - this is wonderfully cathartic!!

To DH:
You really are a lazy, whiny, ungrateful cunt sometimes. It's always take, take, take with you because of being spoilt rotten to compensate for the toxic environment you grew up in (thanks to your abusive parent). But you are a grown man now and no longer a victim, you need to set a good example for your DC.

Certain members of my family are bending over backwards for us, giving up all their free time make life better for us. But you still aren't happy and complain. What do you want exactly?? Why do you behave as if the world owes you something?

To both of my DILs (one now ex, both married to the same son).
I wish you could be honest with me. I really detest people who cheat and lie. I know you struggle for money but telling me it's for rent or electricity when I know much of it goes on fags and booze really irks me.
I really wish you would try to cook sometimes instead of living on takeaways. You are free to ruin your own bodies with junk food but you are condemning my grandchildren to an unhealthy future, already manifest in one of them suffering from chronic constipation. He needs fruit and veg, not medication. And take his screen off him sometimes. He'll never learn to interact properly with other kids if he never has the chance.
Both of you, I know I'm not the cleanest and tidiest of people but I do make an effort to tidy up if I know I'm having visitors, and I do clean the floor sometimes. I'd never entertain the idea of a toddler eating food off the floor (and I'm not talking about the odd crisp, it was a full packet deliberately poured out onto the floor) where the dog left wet footprints because he peed in the kitchen after you couldn't be arsed to take him out.

To be fair I think it says more about me, not being able to say these sorts of things to their face. I'm extremely non-confrontational and just don't want to fall out with them and be unable to see my grandkids at all.

To B
I love you. I know you love me too.
But because men & women can't be best friends, we can't say it. I know your gf tolerates me, and that's ok. She's not my friend, you are.
We've kissed, and it felt so right. But so wrong. Stopping it is the right thing to do. Because that's how my marriage broke up. Which you know.
It doesn't make my heart ache any less.
My kids adore you. You are their friend, and confidente.
You've given me so much support, made me realise that I'm not a bad person, and asking for help doesn't make me weak.

To dm
You don't know what it's like to be a single parent, unless you go through it. I love you, the support you and df have given is priceless. But stop taking over!

To ds2
You can do this. I wish you could see the boy I see. School isn't what you thought it would be. We'll get there, together. Your dad is shit, I can't change that. But I can change how we deal with it.

To ds1
Your dad isn't perfect. You're asking questions about the break up and I'm going to tell you. I'm scared the truth will break your heart.

To the jury
40 minutes it took for you to decide I was a liar. Even with all the evidence and him committing perjury on the stand you still decided I was a liar.
You have no real understanding of what I went through and while it's a mere memory for you it's the last thing I think about every night.
You've destroyed my faith in what's right and wrong and left me vulnerable and unsafe. I would never report anything again. I will never trust our legal system. I am bitter, angry and sad and I want to shake you all and shout the truth in your face. Your decision will make him think he can get away with it and he will do it again.
I hope each and every one of you is raped and find yourself in the same position I was.

My daughter. My beautiful, beautiful daughter. I love you endlessly, and i wish i could tell you how absolutely sorry and gutted and heartbroken I am for what happened. I would, and do, try anything every single day to make you smile because I know you feel so awful. I put us in debt trying to chase that millisecond of happiness that material things buys you because your smile is my world. But I also know you're smart enough to have worked that out, and know that "things" don't help what's in your head.

To everyone around me, I'm drowning. I really am. I don't know how to hold myself together anymore. Family called last week, inviting us to stay. It's lovely, so lovely, but I just want to shut myself in and not talk to anyone, or see anyone. I haven't called back yet, I'm sorry. I want to move, to run away. I'm at work, in tears writing this because even after a year it comes so easily, the hurt is so raw.

I want a call that says my daughter's abuser has killed himself. I want him to feel so awful and consumed by what he's done to our family that he takes the cowardly way out. I wish I could.

To my mom-
Your substandard parenting has had a huge effect on me. Every time you hit me and told me I was stupid or neglected me or didn’t pay me even the slightest bit of attention had affected me more than you know. I am trying so hard to not be like you so that DS grows up happy, confident and secure. I will never tell you this and will continue to pretend we have a good relationship because you’ve had such heartache with your other children (2 passed away when babies and 1 born with disabilities) that I don’t want to taint what you think you have with me and your grandson. But we will never truly be close and you will never truly know me.

To my Dad
You are a pathetic excuse for a father. You’re an utter cunt and I hope you die a lonely old man for choosing her over everyone else and letting her manipulate you. You will regret it and I won’t care.

To my younger self -
You are worth it. People do like you. Please ignore the bullies and hold your head up high. You will eventually find the ultimate happiness.

To my partner, I'm in an absolute black hole of pnd and not coping at all. I'm currently sat watching TV, house is a state, baby is crying, all he does is cry. He's fed, changed, warm enough. I want to leave.
But instead I'll some how manage to tidy round and smile when you get home from work.
I should add, I'll be ok! Ive started antidepressants now. Just not kicked in yet

To everyone really

When I say that it's been a bit of a challenge having a second DC, what I actually mean is that I had raging PND that left me suicidal. I had a plan, wrote the note.

It was the love of DH and the kids that brought me back. Now the sun shines and I'm so far removed from that dark place.

But ever ask me, and all I'll say is "it was a bit harder than I expected".

To my son ... you have no idea what you and your future wife have done to our family. We are devastated and mourn the loss of you. Yes we still see you but it’s so broken and I have no idea what we did to her. I’ve asked her and you but you say nothing so there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I hope this baby is allowed to become part of our family. I’m already so scared to love it and it isn’t even in the world yet. Your wedding day should be one of the proudest moments of our lives but we are all dreading it. We will be there of course and I wish with all my heart that you will know nothing but happiness and joy. I wish that we could all be part of the loving family we once were but she doesn’t want that does she ? Worst of all, I blame you, you allowed this to happen. You never once spoke up for any of us. We will always be here and we love you.

Friend, I am beyond excited for you that you are having your first child but please don't forget how long I've wanted a baby remember you used to hold my hand whilst I cried so please dear friend know I'm happy for you but for self preservation I probably won't come to see you for a while and I'll make silly excuses for my busyness I do love you but it hurts.

U2HasTheEdge your son sounds amazing, unlike all the pathetic vile people around him. I bet you are proud to have such a decent person for a son and not a mindless bully like those idiots. I know who I'd rather spend the day with. I hope your son shines and inspires others to be good hearted like he is as there are a lot of twats out there that need to be shown. Your post made me so angry and sad at the same time!