to say here what I can't say in RL. Feel free to do the same

[BlingLoving]

To SIL, who is married to complete waste of space:

"Just leave him. He adds no value to your life. You are either working or looking after DC. You spend your life supporting him emotionally and financially and he doesn't do anything to support you. He resents fatherhood, and makes you feel guilty for the fact that he has less time and that the two of you can't go out. His constant weed smoking is not healthy when there are young children in the house and the fact that you can't see that is how much he's messed with your mind. He will NEVER finish his qualifications because he's too lazy/stupid to do it and that means he will NEVER change jobs so he will simply continue to whine and complain to you while expecting you to bear the brunt of the financial burden.

And all of these things turn YOU into a not very nice person. You are defensive and easily angered with everyone, including your DC. We all KNOW it's because you literally don't get 10 minutes to yourself and are juggling 1000 balls, but it's tiring. And every single time you shout at him because he's being a dick, you somehow land up being the bad guy.

DC will be FINE without him in their lives on a daily basis. So will you. It won't b e easy but you are not exactly modelling a fantastic relationship for them so keeping around is just going to harm them in the long run. Just leave. Please just leave."

Sadly, can't say any of that in real life as he's convinced her she's a terrible, cruel person who doesn't take his needs into account. Ditto, that he is a poor pathetic man who needs her and if she doesn't look after him, who will. Sigh.

Thanks. This was cathartic.

This thread is ace, a few things to get off my chest

BITCH

You had a responsibility to a vulnerable person and you bullied them, because you already didn't like them and a convenient excuse emerged for your spite. You are a disgusting individual and you should have been sacked. May the karma you've already been facing continue

FRIEND

We can never be a couple and I know that but it does sting to see you being so badly treated by a raging narcissist when you deserve so much better.

SISTER

I prefer to think of you as my mothers other daughter because you are not a sister to me and you never have been. You expect me to be a burden in the future but what you don't realise is that I'm already practising NC on you and you haven't even noticed. I'll be going full NC when the time comes, I look forward to your indignant face and telling you what an evil bitch you are.

LOVE

I still think it's "us", I still think the universe is telling us that, but you have to listen, it's no good one of us knowing

BEST FRIEND

You have hurt me, and I wish there was a way back, but the scales have fallen and all I can see is your selfishness. You'd have to acknowledge your own part in our problems but you don't have that level of introspection. Meanwhile I'm sure it's all my fault in your narrative and that makes it worse.

to all

To J, you only know the 'truth' he wanted you to know. The only reason he didn't leave you is, despite having his bags packed and asking to live with me I said 'no' because I didn't want to be that woman. The only reason the physicality didn't go past hugs and a few kisses is because I said 'no' for the aforementioned reasons. Everytime you found out we were talking and made him tell me to fuck off he found another way to talk to me, yet you blame me and think he had nothing to do with it! He even gave me his work rotas wanting me to visit him there safe from you.

I have regretted saying no every single day, I love him so much, but I done it for you so stop blaming me!

.

You have rejected me so many times, that my self esteem has shattered, it is little more than dust really, and I know that I will never be able to find enough of it to rebuild that fun extrovert you married.

We have got to 25 years of marriage and you have insisted that we go away to celebrate. I can’t tell you that it has made me physically sick thinking about being on that island with you laying rigid in bed so that we don’t touch. Please don’t make me celebrate this sham of a marriage.

I feel completely used, you gave me affection and sex to ensure that you became a father, and then engineered working from home so that I went out to work, you then had our precious babies to yourself for most of the week. And everyone told me how lucky I was to have you, even my Mum and Dad, whilst my heart broke and I humiliated myself begging for scraps of affection. You knew I couldn’t leave, as you memorably told me, ‘don’t think you will get the children, I’m the stay at home parent.’
Our children are nearly grown up, so I could now start planning to go, but I can’t see the point, too many years, too many other lives would be affected, and those wasted, unfulfilled years won’t come back round again.

I pray your daughters never meet a man like you.
I hope you spend every day of your life worrying they will meet a man like you.

I may be the temp but I FUCKING WORK THERE TOO!!

The consultants brought in to interview your team, review working practices and recommend changes want to speak to everybody.

My opinion is not only valid, I probably wipe the floor with some of the fuckwits you've hired permanently.

I know what I'm talking about you halfwitted fat arse.

To my DCs

I let you make your choices and go your own way. I did all I could to help you. I ran out at all hours of the night for the strangest reasons. I put up with one of the partners swearing and violence. I paid this and that without question. I was polite to your father when he showed up once you were all adults. You and the father have taken great pleasure in ridiculing me. Not a problem I just don't listen to any of you anymore. Teaching your children it is ok to speak to me they way you do is not acceptable.

When death came around me and all the people I could depend on were gone, you increased the bullying and demanding. I knew you were bullying me but I put up with it because I wanted to see you and the little children. When death came I would have hoped that you would have been kinder or more gentle with me but the shouted criticism was there an hour later. I would have loved someone to hug me or even put a hand on my shoulder or arm but that was not allowed for me.

You didn't have the sense to not be seen doing all these things. You appear on my Bank statements that you were given money. More stupidity. You have left a record.

When I was ill you didn't even call. None of you could visit or be at the hospital. I survived and maybe you hate that. I am stronger than was thought. One of you complained about someone who enticed some DCs of yours away from you. Don't you realise that you did the same. Parent child relations is a two way street.

I would love to find the grown ups of the children you once were but you have revelled in social decay but really I don't think you are coping with it so well.

It have been a long time now. I cant see any changes in the future and I wish things had been different. I think you chose to rebel against me but really you rebelled against a better lifestyle. It is sad that you could not see that I was the parent who was there. I don't claim to be perfect but I was there and I paid your way through all of your life while the father paid for nothing. I wish you could see that he is currently abusing you with his manipulations.

I have completed my task of raising my children to adulthood. They then make their own choices and that choice was to distress me. I wish them well but I just cant take this any more.

Dear DM,

Why do I feel I'm still not good enough for you? Why do you act like you love everyone else's children, but not DS? I'm sick of pretending to everyone who thinks I'm so lucky to have you for a DM, when they don't know how you make me feel. For years you wouldn't let me admit my disabilities. Now you don't want me to have more DC because I would do it alone by choice. You understand I left DV, but in your own words express disappointment that I didn't do things "properly". The fact is I never wanted a man in my life, not truly. Even as a teen I could only see myself as a lone parent. I'm Queer, DM. I don't even know what else to call myself. I'm not a lesbian, but men just don't really do it for me either. I just want to be with my child(ren). I only pursue relationships because irs whats "right" in your eyes, the only "right" way to have DC.

And stop saying I won't cope alone. I've done it for 8 years. I can run a house on my own, bring up DS on my own, manage my finances on my own and drive on the motorway on my own, things you've never done yourself. So what about that means I can't cope? Why am I the one not coping when other people's daughters - married women with more than one child, ring you in tears for support, saying they can't cope. When was the last time I did that with you? A long time ago and you told me to pull myself together or social services would step in. Why do they get your support and I get threats? Why do you think I don't deserve the happiness that other people get to have just by virtue of having a partner? You say you don't think I should have stayed with him, but sometimes I think you hoped that I would, for appearances sake. I had everything in my 20s, now I'm 37 and time is running out. I wish my disabilities didn't make me beholden to you or your opinions. Please stop forcing me to conform. You raised me to be unconventional, to be bright, articulate and think for myself. You used to be proud of that and despair of DSis. When did I become the disappointment? When i left him.

And DF secretly tells me to ignore you, that I cope better than any of them. That I should only do what makes me happy. But that will disappoint you. And I know if I lose you you'll take DF with you and he'll be too cowed to fight for me.

DH, I’m so sorry you have a chronic illness. But I yearn for a break from it’s terrible influence over our lives. My energy is spent comforting small, sleepless kids, working, servicing the chore tyranny, doing the mental load.

For so many years I’ve tried to be your balm but I’ve simply run out of care. It’s not that I don’t want the best for you but that my emotional and physical resources have run dry. I’d love to feel compassion again but I just feel empty. I don’t want us all to be the planets orbiting your sun where you end up dictating every aspect of our lives. It kills me trying to keep your ego intact when mine is flattened.

I am aged decades by the never ending emotional demands and worries about money. I’m so sorry for those two young people in my memory. You’re clinging hard to your dreams which mean mine are trampled in the dust. Nobody sees me.

To the father of my little baby and the love of my life,

I don’t think I ever really knew love until I met you. I placed all of my hopes, dreams and trust in you and you shattered them all because of your selfishness and your lack of self control.

You will put yourself first above all others and have become emrbroiled in a cycle of pain and abandonment. You have ruined many women’s lives with your selfish behaviour and you continue to do so. I watch at the sidelines and am horrified that you have learnt nothing from the pain you caused me.

Our little girl is as both beautiful and perfect, she looks just like you and I often wonder what kind of dad you would have been to her. I sometimes allow my mind to wander and I imagine you holding her, loving her, like you promised you would. It devastates me every day knowing you’re out there and not with us and I’m still in shock that you could abandon us at the one of the hardest times of my life.

Please get medical help, you’re behaviour is not normal and it it destructive. I’m not sure you plan to hurt us all but many a time I’ve wanted to take my life because you’ve left me in a state of desperation.

Please make a go of things with A, don’t hurt her and don’t mess around with her kids. Stick it out and work through the problems and please stop trying to come back because one day I’ll break and I can’t afford to do that now that our daughter is here. She deserves to be brought up in an environment of calm and love, not angst and distrust.

You don’t deserve my love but I’ll go on loving you anyway because I never ever stopped, not even when you subjected me to some of the most horrific treatment.

Please move on x

To his wife

You are separated, he sleeps alone, he's there for the kids and he respects you. He's also not leaving you. You've got that part of him.
I've got love I never knew possible, a physical relationship that is magical and his attention nearly every day. We talk for hours everyday and we have for almost two years.
I envy you the living arrangements, but I have the best of him.

Ex friend. You weren’t there when I needed a friend, you watched me struggle when I lost my dad and my mum became ill soon after. You watched as I worked, cared for my mum and kept my family together with no encouragement or offer of help. Instead you just complained that I was always miserable.

Well I’m free from that now, I don’t give a shite about you. You can carry on with your life sponging off your husband who works his fingers to the bone to keep you in your perfect house while you do jack shit except spend his money.

I hear you’ve just had an eye lift. I hope it gets infected.

P, you are the most heartless person I have ever known and what you did has scarred me for life

Mother, I wish you could have been a mother to me, it’s too late now and we will never be back in contact

I wish I could stop comforting and trying to overcome pain and loneliness by using food

A, that really hurt, and still does

F, I wish I could tell you how much you meant to me, the only person who has shown me true love, I am so sorry I fucked up and broke your heart, if I could rewind I would do it all differently

P, where are you?

M, where are you, dead or alive?

D, I am so sorry, I couldn’t cope and I miss you every day

N, the most incredible person in every way, I wish I could hold your hand one more time and tell you I love you

I'm into hoodoo

Sorry new DP but I've been faking it. It's not you, you were doing everything right but I'm so shut down after my divorce. My exH was addicted to porn and treated me like a blow up doll. I'm struggling to cope with a real relationship and real feelings. We'll get there though, I am sure of that.

I did write the letter to your mum and I have no idea why, you seemed happy and I wanted to destroy it because I was being a bitch, sorry

P
Yes I have 2 surviving children.
No, I will not be able to take your advice to " just forget about ds1".
I have no respect for you since I found out about your lies and manipulations over family money and property.
At least I have seen your true colours and can warn my dc to watch out.
Why on earth do you think I would want to spend time with you?

Oh Mr. R in the next office, please just ask me and I will.

to everyone

To A’s biological family, you’ve tested your DNA on Ancestry and you have mystery Close Relative and 1st Cousin matches. Yet you have not contacted this match to find out more. Please reach out. It was over 40 years ago, he has the family eyes and smile. A is a good man, you won’t regret getting in touch. He is just so scared to make the first move for fear of rejection. You can’t all feel the same? I promise it will be ok.

To my former boss:

I hope you rot in hell. I’ve attempted suicide several times because of what you did to me. You are an evil fucking bitch. I hope one day you suffer as much as I have.

Friend 1:
I really don’t give a shit about your kids. They are not as wonderful as you think. I want to spend time with you, without them being there listening in and taking over.

Dog:
I love you, but sometimes you’re an asshole.

To my long-time friend recently become a vegan, with all the passion and bigotry of the newly converted. Do again what you did yesterday, and you will be an ex-friend. Vegans like you aren't part of the solution, you're a massive part of the problem. If we all became vegans this beautiful planet we occupy will become a desert and we will all die. If we all convert to a plant-based diet the entire food chain will collapse because this world will have become an unsustainable monoculture and diversity will be left as a sad footnote to history, with no-one left to read it.

I love you.

BIL and SIL - your jobs do not make you superior to other people. Instead you live in a bubble. You can be very nice, yet you can also be obnoxious.

E.... It took me years to escape... And he's doing exactly the same to you. Has taken your money, taken you away from your family and now won't let you go home for Xmas... Please leave while you can. They told me how unhappy you are and that he overheard you and we are worried for you.

NDN

You annoy me and so does your DIY fanatic husband. Stop building shit.