To feel siblings should get priority visiting new baby

[stargazing85]

AIBU to want my dc to meet their new brother/sister before the rest of the family? My dc will be cared for by my mum when I'm in hospital. I've asked her if she can bring them up to the hospital the day after I have the baby (we are not having visitors the day of the birth) and DH will meet her downstairs and bring dc up to see me for a few minutes before my mum comes up. This is what I did last time and I enjoyed the experience. The problem I have is my mum has to wait till ds finishes school before she can come up which will probably be nearer 3pm before she gets in and dhs mum wants to visit before that time at 2pm when visiting hours begin as she has plans she doesn't want (nor do I expect her) to change. DHs mum could easily come up the day after if she wanted as I know I will be kept in for at least 3 days if not 4. I've always felt siblings should be the next family members to meet the new baby and DH has always agreed with me but now I feel he is wavering a bit because his mum wants to visit first the day after so she can leave earlier to attend her other plans. AIBU to feel strongly about this and stick to my plans?

YABU. How mean-spirited to your mum, who is helping you so much.

Do you also want Christmas with 'just my little family'?

I don’t think there is any ‘should’ about it, it’s what works for you and your family. If you want your other DC there before MIL visits then that’s your call.

If it is that important to you then pull DS out at 1pm. I remember leaving school early to meet my baby sister and it made is so special.

I don't think it makes a difference who sees baby first and I don't think it is worth the argument but if it matters to you then let him leave school after lunch.

Do you think you might be over-thinking this a teeny bit? Any need to be so controlling? Does it really matter what order people see your new baby in?!

I can see your point but I wouldn't make your husband's mum wait in this instance. You could just tell the kids they were the first to meet baby.

But then, I probably wouldn't make my own mum stand around in the lobby waiting for the kids to see the baby first.

Up to you though.

I know where you're coming from, and I made sure dc1 was the first person other than me and dp who met dc2.
But then dc3 met her siblings, great granny and great grandad, grandad all at the same time.
Dc4 met dc1 at the same time as her nan and then the other 2 the next day.
All were equally lovely and haven't affected bonding. I'd probably go with your mil coming at 2 and going before your other children come, everyone will be happy and your other dc don't even need to know that they weren't first if you don't mention it.

DD1 met DD2 at exactly the same time as my mum, MIL and FIL, my dad and his wife. They were all waiting at our house when we got home from the hospital. It wouldn’t have occurred to me that DD1 needed to be the one to meet her first or for the others to wait outside the room.

I think it's odd. Leaving your mum standing around? If it's that important then yes, you could take older children out of school a couple of hours early.

I wouldn’t put as much thoughtful into it as you are. The baby will be their sibling and an absolutely huge part of their lives regardless of what’s happens in the hospital but if it matters to you then it matters to you and that’s fine.

I really don’t think it matters a jot who meets the baby when so I wouldn’t make MIL wait or make DMum wait downstairs either. Lots of loving family who want to meet the new baby is a non-problem so I’d relax and embrace MIL, DMum and other DCs on whatever timeframes are practical.

I think leaving your mum hanging around when she’s helping you out so much is rude.

My parents will be looking after my daughter when I have my son and if they bring her to the hospital I won’t make them hang out outside waiting!

Presumably MIL will be gone by the time the kids come so just lie and let them think they are the first ones.

I was happy to bring my granddaughter to the hospital and wait in the lounge while she went with her dad to meet the new baby. She was so excited to come and tell me she had a little brother and what his name was and we then went in together. I think it was lovely she got to meet the baby first.

Honestly does it really matter. What difference does it make.

I’ve just had my second and it was really important to me that DS1 met his brother before anyone else. I wanted to make it a special experience for him.
Thankfully it was a weekend and we didn’t have to work it round school times. If we did I think we’d have taken DS1 out early that day rather than delaying anyone else visiting.

I seriously don't understand this hierarchical bullshit thing of ranking family members who get to clap eyes on a baby in an order, a person who'll be in your family for many years to come. Do you give them numbered tickets and have a tannoy announce the next in the queue like it's the the butchers in the supermarket?

I can understand your feelings about the other children seeing her first - but to the point that your mother has to wait downstairs? It seems over-controlled.

Somebody else having clapped eyes on the baby first in no way takes anything away from the sibling meeting the baby.

I suggest priority would only be important if they all wanted to visit at exactly the same time. Neither the children nor baby will notice nor care the visiting order, but it is for some reason important to you.

How ridiculous to leave your Mum downstairs. Why can't she come at the same time. No-one will be traumatised by meeting their new sibling with granny there too.

Wow! Honestly, how ridiculous.

My mum doesn't have a problem with waiting for 5/10 minutes she even joked how she could prob get a cup of coffee in peace. It's just important for me that dc meet their new sibling first.

Yabu.
Sorry but this is ridiculous. What difference does it make who sees the baby first? The kids won't care, or take any notice of.

"Priority"...wtf!

My boys all met their baby siblings before anyone else in the family. They actually met dc5 before I did. Dc4's paediatrician was dc5's first visitor after dh which was really lovely of her. She caused a bit of confusion in the nicu though as the nurses wondered why she turned up when she wasn't meant to be working in neonatal that week.