To feel siblings should get priority visiting new baby

[stargazing85]

AIBU to want my dc to meet their new brother/sister before the rest of the family? My dc will be cared for by my mum when I'm in hospital. I've asked her if she can bring them up to the hospital the day after I have the baby (we are not having visitors the day of the birth) and DH will meet her downstairs and bring dc up to see me for a few minutes before my mum comes up. This is what I did last time and I enjoyed the experience. The problem I have is my mum has to wait till ds finishes school before she can come up which will probably be nearer 3pm before she gets in and dhs mum wants to visit before that time at 2pm when visiting hours begin as she has plans she doesn't want (nor do I expect her) to change. DHs mum could easily come up the day after if she wanted as I know I will be kept in for at least 3 days if not 4. I've always felt siblings should be the next family members to meet the new baby and DH has always agreed with me but now I feel he is wavering a bit because his mum wants to visit first the day after so she can leave earlier to attend her other plans. AIBU to feel strongly about this and stick to my plans?

My best friend saw 3 of my babies before MIL did and MIL saw them all many months prior to either of my parents (who are not in the UK)

Best friend also saw babies at same time as older siblings with 2 of them and in the case of DD2 DD1 was utterly uninterested so left me with DD2 in bed and walked off to play so Best friend sat and had a cup of tea with me in bed (homebirth) cuddling dd2

Didn't actually change how any of them felt about the babies.

Yabu. I cannot understand the preciousness going through people’s minds. We’re talking about the grandparents having to stand in line when it’s really inconvenient for them?

You’re being utterly ridiculous OP.

My m'n'law held my son before me as he was in ICU. I was traumatised by it, but life goes on. Honestly, I'm sorry but I think you are being a bit precious and doing one of those keep your m'n'law at arms length things. I don't even get on with my m'n'law but I would not make her wait. New born babies DO change very quickly - of course all the family want to see them as soon as possible. Your children would not care too hoots if your m'l'law sees the baby before them - either does your hubby. It's just you that it bothers. Sorry!

In 20 years time no one other than you will remember who met who first, but they will remember if you kick up a fuss and upset people.

Yabu.

You need to be flixible.

Lol, are you going to make the midwife deliver the baby blindfolded 😂 ?

I'm with you Pizza. i doubt that any school would authorise it. Waiting a couple more hours isn't going to make any difference.

Is it a planned section? The OP seems to know exactly when she is having the baby.

I’m 38wks pregnant with DC2 and the first person that will be mtg the new baby (other than DH and medical staff obvs) will be DD1 and I don’t want any other family member eg grandparent, in the room when she does.

I don’t really care if MN thinks unreasonable or not, it’s what me & DH wants and we’ll never have that moment again.

Maternityzilla

@SuperstarDJ
How old are you?
You’re post reads like a toddler about to have a tantrum

If my dd asked me to look after her dc whilst giving birth and then her dh came and got the children and took upstairs to meet the new baby

I would smile politely
I wouldn’t tell anyone it would hurt my heart

Welcoming a new baby and watching my grandchildren do that would be a sight to behold, such love and kindness at this time

But leaving grandma out is up to OP

I don’t think I even gave this a thought with DS2 and DS3.

So you want to make your mum wait so that the kids are "first", even though MIL will have already seen the baby?

Let your mum in with the kids!

Or, your husband fetches the kids & the mums visit after that.

I don’t really care if MN thinks unreasonable or not, it’s what me & DH wants and we’ll never have that moment again. 🙄

Who cares lol seriously! They certainly won’t care.

Also if you don’t care what Mumsnet thinks lol why are you asking???

I don’t really care if MN thinks unreasonable or not, it’s what me & DH wants and we’ll never have that moment again

Reading this and recognising that it is exactly the kind of ridiculous hogwash fanciful idealism I came out with back in the day, I am so embarrassed for myself and you I don't think my toes will ever uncurl

I’m doing this with my 2.5 year old, my mom will drop him in and then hang on for 5/10 mins. I feel it’s such a massive change for him I want it just us when he sees the baby for the first time. Then he can show off the baby to nana when she comes.

The order is less important. To be honest I think it would probably be more convenient if my mom has met the baby already so she’s not chomping at the bit to get in and can have a proper first cuddle instead of being mindful of my toddlers feelings. It’s such a huge change for him I want to make it as normal as possible.

So for me how they meet their new sibling is important but not when. Same with going home for the first time. A midwife yesterday described it to me as imagine another woman was coming into your house and you were told put up with it. So I feel let’s keep his little bubble as uninterrupted as possible and keep it as gradual as possible.

YABU and very precious. Too silly.

Mine & dhs family all met dd1 2 hours before I did. I coped. Dc2 all family met her before dd1 did - she coped. She met her new sister the day after, the family all met dc2 while I was in recovery.

I met best friends dc4 before her & her dhs family & before their dcs.

This is really precious behaviour. Your poor mother, looking after your children, bringing them to see you then being made to wait downstairs, like the ‘poor’ relation. If I was your mum I’d be offended at this.
Then the MIL being relegated to an even later slot just so she doesn’t see them ‘first’.
I don’t understand how people can come up with a bonkers plan like this in the first place.

Unless you're having a planned c section, how can you plan all of this?

I gave birth to DS2 at 02:01, and was discharged from hospital the same day at 16:00.

You sound a bit self centred I’m afraid.

And how lovely would it be for your mum to see her grandchildren meeting for the first time.. she could even get a group photo of you all ...

Yabu

In fact I think you're a bit nasty and controlling and I'd take this as a sign on what's to come

I expect you'll be one of those parents on here who's happy to milk the free childcare on your rules but then moan constantly behind their backs