To feel siblings should get priority visiting new baby

[stargazing85]

AIBU to want my dc to meet their new brother/sister before the rest of the family? My dc will be cared for by my mum when I'm in hospital. I've asked her if she can bring them up to the hospital the day after I have the baby (we are not having visitors the day of the birth) and DH will meet her downstairs and bring dc up to see me for a few minutes before my mum comes up. This is what I did last time and I enjoyed the experience. The problem I have is my mum has to wait till ds finishes school before she can come up which will probably be nearer 3pm before she gets in and dhs mum wants to visit before that time at 2pm when visiting hours begin as she has plans she doesn't want (nor do I expect her) to change. DHs mum could easily come up the day after if she wanted as I know I will be kept in for at least 3 days if not 4. I've always felt siblings should be the next family members to meet the new baby and DH has always agreed with me but now I feel he is wavering a bit because his mum wants to visit first the day after so she can leave earlier to attend her other plans. AIBU to feel strongly about this and stick to my plans?

PS I have literally no memory of meeting my brother when he was born ha ha

When my sister had her second baby I picked my niece up from school early and took her to meet her new sibling, took her to the room where sister was and let her go in alone for 5 mins then went in after. When I had my second I rang my mum and mil and within 20 mins I had my 1st born, parents, in laws and sister all in the delivery room! It was fine... don't overthink it, it'll all work out in the end

Unless your children regard their grandmothers as nemeses who they need to ‘beat’ in some sort of imagined priority race then I think you might be overthinking it. Do your children like their grandmothers?

Thank you for all your replies I am reading through them and taking them all into consideration. We're not doing visitors on the first day as I am having a c-section so we don't know whether it will be early or late. I've been told I will be in for 3-4 days. The hospital will only allow one nominated person who is DH to visit from 8am to 9pm everyone else is only allowed visit between 2-4 or 6:30 to 8 and only 2 people alongside DH are allowed visit at a time. They are very strict on this going by previous stays.

Well good luck anyway and hope all goes well. 💐

Could your dh not pick your older child up from school and bring her in.
Then your mum arrives, meets baby and takes elder child home.

Do think it’s all a bit barmy to be working all this out with such precision though.
I think it would be lovely for your mum to see you all together.😃

Childbirth is a very significant event that most women have little control over. I don't think it's completely unreasonable to want to plan how things go in the aftermath, even if it doesn't really make any difference in the long run.

I think everyone should arrive at 2.00. Hopefully it won't be a huge deal for the school to let the dc go a little early. Once they are all in reception, dh comes and collects dc for their visit and then after that he waits in reception with them while the grandmas visit.

I haven't read the whole thread and I'm sure it's been mentioned already - don't be too prescriptive about things!!! You can't control how everything happens.

My DC3 ended up in NICU and didn't meet her siblings for over 2 weeks. Plan was she'd meet her brother and sister first but it sadly didn't play out like that.

Best of luck.

Your mil will be excited to meet her granchild. I have no idea who met my dc and in what order. Yabu sorry. I agree it sounds like you are overthinking.

Pull your ds out of school early and have the children visit bang on 2pm, then his mum can come at 2:30. Meet her halfway.

I agree with pp, get the little fellow out a bit early from school, and that way, everyone is happy.
Best of luck, hope everything goes well

If this is the second coming, I reckon siblings will have a fight on their hands getting past the wise men, shepherds and sundry dignitaries to even catch a glimpse of the new born, never mind poor Mum who is relegated to sitting in the waiting room.

Bonkers but it's MN (otherwise known as The Twilight Zone)

Neither does DD wop.

“I think having a new baby brother or sister just born warrants them having the day off school to visit”

Seriously?
That is really taking the piss. I doubt that any school would authorise that, and rightly so. That is utterly ridiculous. Does waiting an extra few hours make all that much difference? Really?

“I think it’s pretty weird to make them wait till the following afternoon.”

I think it is pretty sensible.

“I think it matters a lot more to you than DC”

I agree. I think your mum would be far more interested in the new baby than the DC. In my experience small children aren’t very interested in babies, even their own siblings.

I didn't even think about this! I've just realised DC1 was behind grandparents, my siblings, my best mate 😬 but she was only 19 months and I personally preferred to do at home.

I really don't think it matters. Does when someone meets a baby have a long standing impact?

If that's what you want to do then do it. When I had ds 2, my mum, dad and sister all arrived together with my ds 1 as they had been looking after him. I was still in the delivery room! I've never given much thought to it all to be honest, as well as having visitors on the same day and as soon as getting home. I thought it was normal to be honest that people visited asap. I was a bit put out at the lack of interest with ds 2 😂. It's only on here I've noticed it to be a problem. My first labour wasn't great, but I welcomed the inlaw's in with open arms. Something that doesn't seem to go down too well on here either.

I'm worried your dc may lack the required amount of enthusiasm at the upcoming event, have you considered a few rehearsals beforehand ?

I think this is one of the most ridiculous things I've read on here. I couldn't imagine being so brazenly rude as to ask my mother to come to the hospital to deliver the older DCs but then not let her in. As for MIL, I don't see the big deal in letting her see the baby that day either.

OP you are really making a drama out of nothing here. It doesn't need to be this formally organised. Your DCs won't care the order they arrive in.

OP my parents brought my dc in to meet his little brother and they wouldnt have dreamed of coming into the room at the same time. They waited outside until ds had had a chance to have a cuddle with me, and then to see his sibling for the first time. It was a very precious few minutes, and meant that when they came in ds1 was able to introduce his new brother to his grandparents. It was a huge day for him, and he was a very very proud big brother.

Every one does these things differently, of course, but you are not alone - or peculiar - in wanting them to have that special time. Just as people who prefer to do it differently are OK. Do what suits you and your family. You are the one who has to live with them.

If it's that important to you have the DC meet the new baby the day s/he Is born. Then GP after that

Why are you assuming they will be keeping you in? Even after a CS here you're turfed out next morning.

This was my plan too op . Ds age 2 meets baby first. All went to pot, baby born by elected section but had mucous stuck on his chest and couldn't breathe. Was immediately taken to neo natal for 2 days and due to csec I wasn't allowed down. Ended up reliant on my mum and MIL to sit with baby while Dh was in and out of hospital. When ds2 was bought up to the ward he and I were poorly still and he was constantly vomiting and choking on masses of fluid from his chest so ds1 never ended up meeting him till he was 7 days old as it would have been too distressing.

By that point many friends and family had been in to see us.
Looking back 5 months to when this happened, ds1 not meeting him first doesn't even come into my head as part of the memory! He came in in the morning we left hospital so we all left together and it was lovely as he didn't have to go home without me.

I guess if I were you, my plan would be don't have a plan!

YABU sibling can walk into the room first and as PP said DM can see it all happen and watch.
No need for her to stay out of the way.
Nobody will remember anyway. I had about 15 visitors, couldn't wait to show off my baby. Have no idea which order they came.

I totally get it. When DD2 was born, we wanted DD1 to be the first to meet her first. She was 3 when her sister was born and was the first person (aside from me and DH) to hold her.

It was such a lovely special moment.

Stick to your guns if this is what you want OP.