To feel siblings should get priority visiting new baby

[stargazing85]

AIBU to want my dc to meet their new brother/sister before the rest of the family? My dc will be cared for by my mum when I'm in hospital. I've asked her if she can bring them up to the hospital the day after I have the baby (we are not having visitors the day of the birth) and DH will meet her downstairs and bring dc up to see me for a few minutes before my mum comes up. This is what I did last time and I enjoyed the experience. The problem I have is my mum has to wait till ds finishes school before she can come up which will probably be nearer 3pm before she gets in and dhs mum wants to visit before that time at 2pm when visiting hours begin as she has plans she doesn't want (nor do I expect her) to change. DHs mum could easily come up the day after if she wanted as I know I will be kept in for at least 3 days if not 4. I've always felt siblings should be the next family members to meet the new baby and DH has always agreed with me but now I feel he is wavering a bit because his mum wants to visit first the day after so she can leave earlier to attend her other plans. AIBU to feel strongly about this and stick to my plans?

When I had dc3, a load of people met her before I did, because I'd had a general anaesthetic and then in hdu.She was in NICU. She was nearly 24 hours old by the time I met her.
It really didn't matter, so don't get stressed about who meets who first.

I am reading a different thread to everyone else!! YANBU. Your mum is happy to bring your dc to meet their sibling, but your MIL wants to get in there first rather than waiting until the next day, and your MIL is not prepared to respect your wishes. So sad.

Yy to allowing your mum to collect your eldest dc early from school and bring them straight to the hospital.

MIL can wait, with your dm until you are ready for them to come up.

Yup, I agree with everyone else, this is ridiculous. Just enjoy having the new baby and introducing all the family to him/her without worrying about who comes first. It won't be any less special for their siblings just because granny's already been to visit.

Am I reading this wrong? It's the mil that you dont want to meet your new baby before your dc, your mum is fine with just waiting a few mins? YANBU - it is your choice, but I personally dont think it matters

Honestly all sounds a bit drama lama to me..
I'd just tell your mil to wait till the next day if you feel that's strongly about it. I absolutely wouldn't have it in me to make my mom wait outside though but I suppose horses for courses.

I hate this bullshit on MN about meeting baby in order or being at home for 2 weeks before allowing visitors! Would be the price of you if people turned around and said, well actually I don’t care 🤷‍♀️!!

Why should your Mum wait around like a servant after she has looked after your kids and brought them to you?. If I were her I'd really tell you where to go.
You sound very up yourself OP. I wouldn't be pandering to you.

I think you’re being ridiculous

This is just bizarre. The baby won’t know, siblings won’t give a jot unless the adults are making a fuss about it, how can it possibly make any difference to any one ? Rather cruel making your DM wait around when presumably she is eager to see that her daughter is doing well after giving birth.

Also, building up to a choreographed misty lens, Instagram joy ( previously known as a Kodak moment) occasion might come as a let down when sibling peers at wrapped bundle, is unimpressed by baby’s current lack of interest in playing dollies, then spies a biscuit on bedside table and is so much more interested in that........

Not being funny but everyone else at the maternity wing will see the baby before your children, including other mothers and fathers

I think this is a bit ridiculous to be honest.
My MIL was the first person to meet my DS. She was at ours having dashed over in the middle of the night to be with DD and take her to nursery in the morning while I went to the hospital. DD met him a few hours later when she got home. I don't think minds that granny got there first.
Are you having a section? If not then you might home within hours anyway. I had DS at 4:15am and was home for lunch.

“Do you think you might be over-thinking this a teeny bit? Any need to be so controlling? Does it really matter what order people see your new baby in?!

I’m with tinstar and most of the other posters on this thread on this. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter? Making people wait out of some silly principle is rude and just makes them feel second rate. It isn’t a competition

If the birth doesn’t go to plan and your plans are upset. How will you cope?

How about rephrasing it to say 'AIBU to make my mother (who is kindly looking after my DC) wait outside like a second class citizen so my DC can have the honour of meeting their new sibling before her? Yes, very. How awkward and embarrassing and what a mean spirited thing to do.

If it's important to you then your children should meet their sibling first. It's all about memories and that's an important memory for you to talk to them about.
I'd take them out of school and get both grannies to wait in the visitor room whilst you have that special time.
Then your children can bring the grannies to their new sibling and tell them all about it.
Job done.

In grand scheme of things kindly op it doesn’t really work that way. DS met DD with my DB who looked after him and brought him up in to the hospital as it was the school holidays he also met DD. When pregnant with DS2 DD went to the in-laws as she was 2and half and DS was at school. In-laws dropped DD off after we came home the same day and DS then came home later that day from school . It simply would have been impossible and rude to restrict other family members from seeing the new child especially when they were so good enough to care for my other children.

Oh for fuck sake, it's not awkward or embarrassing to ask her mum to wait, it's not like she's standing out in the cold with her face pressed against the window longing to be inside! Op's mother is happy and it's not what the thread is about!!

Op I would just take your child out of school earlier, that said I'm not in England and taking kids out here is easy. I think what you are trying to do is nice. That said though your DC would be none the wiser if mil ducked in first if there is no way around it

YABU

I did this when I had dd2. Dd1's life had been cganged forever. There was this new little thing who would now share her mumny, live in her house, play with her toys. She needed the introduction to be special and all about her. I bigged her up as a big sister and the baby bought her a present. She then helped to introduce the baby to other relatives. It was important to me that dd1 was the first person to meet dd2, know her name etc. In hindsight, I feel I did exactly the right thing. We bought dd1 to the hospital within 2 hours of me giving birth though. Could your dc take the morning off school to visit and then be dropped off after?

OP, does it really matter who sees your new baby first? Do you go early think your children will remember and will they actually care? My first child took one glance at his new brother and played with the cars had brought to the hospital. Most young children really aren't that interested.

As for not having visitors on day 1... can't get my head around this. Are you giving birth in hospital? They may well want you out asap then you'll get all you visitors at home and in any order I imagine!

It's all about memories and that's an important memory for you to talk to them about.

You know, this really isn't true. Life isn't 'all about memories', it's all about life. What we actually do is MUCH more important than trying to make specific memories, (and incidentally makes much better memories, because more unique and personal). Enjoy the present moment without constantly worrying about recording it all to enjoy later.

I can see why you want to do it this way but is it worth it if it’s goinf to cause problems? It’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth upsetting your MIL over (at a time when you’ll maybe be relying on her help?). But if it is really important to you then I think it’s ok to stick to your guns.

cushioncuddle
What a lot of rubbish.
Who cares who claps eyes the baby first I’m sure it will look much the same as your previous offspring it’s like your trying to make yourself feel special.

I'm another one that thinks it's a bit off to keep your Mum waiting, but then mine was in the room with me for one of my births!

Your children won't remember whether their Granny was there or not when they met their new sibling, and you are your Mum's child, just like they're yours. Think how you'd feel in 30 years time when one of them does that to you.

I really hope your other children are actually interested in their new sibling and give you the response you hope for. DC1 on meeting DC2 “can I have those Pringles?” Spotting the tube on the bedside table. DC2 on meeting DC3 “what present has the baby bought me?” Interest in the new baby - pretty much zero.

Don’t overthink it as you may be disappointed

Am I the only one who thinks it's inappropriate to turn up at school and ask to take the older child out for the afternoon because he has to meet his new sibling and he can't wait until after school?