To feel siblings should get priority visiting new baby

[stargazing85]

AIBU to want my dc to meet their new brother/sister before the rest of the family? My dc will be cared for by my mum when I'm in hospital. I've asked her if she can bring them up to the hospital the day after I have the baby (we are not having visitors the day of the birth) and DH will meet her downstairs and bring dc up to see me for a few minutes before my mum comes up. This is what I did last time and I enjoyed the experience. The problem I have is my mum has to wait till ds finishes school before she can come up which will probably be nearer 3pm before she gets in and dhs mum wants to visit before that time at 2pm when visiting hours begin as she has plans she doesn't want (nor do I expect her) to change. DHs mum could easily come up the day after if she wanted as I know I will be kept in for at least 3 days if not 4. I've always felt siblings should be the next family members to meet the new baby and DH has always agreed with me but now I feel he is wavering a bit because his mum wants to visit first the day after so she can leave earlier to attend her other plans. AIBU to feel strongly about this and stick to my plans?

Why must your mum bring the kids & not your husband the next day?

So you want to make your mum wait so that the kids are "first", even though MIL will have already seen the baby?

That's the point of the thread, she doesn't want her MIL seeing the baby first. Her Mum is happy to wait a few minutes until the kids have.

Tbh I can't remember who met my babies first. I think it is one of those things that can seem important at the time but in the long run it really isn't.

I think there are two separate issues here. I suggested to my DD that I would wait down stairs while her DH took my DGD up to meet her new brother for the first time. I thought it was important that it was just the four of them together. However, she wasn't the first visitor to actually see the baby - my DDs in laws were - and everyone was fine with that.

I think having a new baby brother or sister just born warrants them having the day off school to visit. I think its pretty weird to make them wait till the following afternoon. They will likely be really anxious, and even if they arent, this is much more important than a days lessons.
Get them to come in earlier and then your MIL can visit later

I think you're being spectacularly rude to your own mum who is doing all the running around and caretaking of your other children to help you!

And I think you're being ridiculous about your DH's mum not visiting until your children have seen the baby. And it is seen, because the baby won't know or care who has been there, and the baby certainly won't remember it.

This is not the hill to die on. I think you're being ridiculous. And rude.

I agree that siblings should meet the new baby first.

Let your other children have the day off school. Sorted.

Really selfish and totally ott. These are your baby's second closest relatives without whom you wouldn't have any of your children. This is just more "making memories" bullshit.

Im another who thinks this is a bit off - your poor mum. Different scenario for me but it’s worked every time. Mum stayed at home with the dc and when I got home she opened the door with them and made sure they got first look and had a cuddle from me.
If your mum has been kind enough to look after the children for you she surely won’t be insensistive to the fact that the baby’s siblings will want to see the baby without her blocking the way.
I may have missed something here but couldn’t your OH go and get the children and bring them to see you - a bit like Prince William did.
As to your MIL does it really matter if she sees the new baby before your mum? The baby certainly won’t remember and by the sound of things your mum will have more opportunity in the longer term.

Am I the only one who thinks it's inappropriate to turn up at school and ask to take the older child out for the afternoon because he has to meet his new sibling and he can't wait until after school?

If they leave after registration, they won’t be marked as absent but there will be a few raised eyebrows about the fact they had to miss two hours of school when they couldn’t have seen the baby at the end of the school day.

And I think you’re being embarrassingly precious, OP.

I don't think it does the siblings any favours to make a big song and dance about it.
We were more like "look we have a new baby, isn't that fun. Shall we do some colouring?" Rather than "behold, the new messiah, none of our lives will ever be the same again"

I actually laughed out loud at all this.
Is this what MN ladies become after the bridezilla bit ?
Does this really happen in real life ?

I kind of get were you’re coming from but I think it matters a lot more to you than DC. If your set on it ask DMIL if she would mind coming the following morning or bring DC out of school although I think that should be a last resort.

I think it’s a tad cold to leave your mum standing around

When my friend had her second baby (my second God Son), I looked after God Son 1. I took him up to the hospital and told friend that I would wait outside while he met him. She told me not to be so ridiculous and to bring him on up and that sentiment meant so much to me. I imagine if I had been her DM I would have been hurt to be left outside.

I can't remember what order people visited me and baby dd's in hospital, older ones have never asked if they met dd3 first etc and I have no idea, I do know that my older 2 had the day off school and were brought in in the afternoon to meet baby sibling with my mum and dad, with dd2, dd1 was still very young and I was in hospital for only a few hours, I assume we introduced them when I got home, but can't remember it being a big deal, hasn't affected anyone's bond in any way though, all 3 are very close 😁

Is this what MN ladies become after the bridezilla bit ?

Well as the vast majority of posters have said the OP is being unreasonable, I’d say no, it’s not what ‘MN ladies’ become

My son met his baby sister at the same time as his grandparents who were looking after him at home. He said hello and went back outside to more interesting stuff.

YABU - it will make no difference to your lives what order the baby is seen- except of course to your poor mum who will feel upset by your silly rules.

YABU

Count yourself lucky that you have a DM and a DMIL. Making them "form an orderly queue" after DC is ridiculous. If you aren't up to visitors fair enough but that is not the case.

I don't think YABU to want it, but due to the circumstances, you can't have it all ways.

You either need to get your DC out of school earlier on that day, or let it go on this occasion.

There was a thread on here recently along the lines of 'if you get on with your wider family, how does it work?'. This is a prime example of how feelings can get hurt, and I wouldn't risk a good family dynamic just to stick to some arbitrary rule i had set my mind on.

I think you should relax and not try to control situations OP.

I totally get this OP! DH asked my PIL to go and get a coffee while DS1 came to meet his baby brother. It's maybe a bit PFB, but it was a massive life change for him, and I wanted to have 5 minutes where he was the center of my attention. I'd also not seen him in nearly a week (long induction, family not local), when I'd only ever left him for one night before. It was a very important and precious time to me, and he does remember it well (he was almost 3 at the time).

Pretty sure I had a few other visitors first, as PIL were running hours late. It wasn't about sticking to a priority but about trying to do what was right for DS1.

I'm assuming you've told your mum this plan already?

If I were you I'd be apologising as you've bound to upset her and then just let her meet the baby when she gets there.

You're being too precious, sorry.

For goodness sake you’re being a little ridiculous with this. The children and the baby will not know the visiting order! Just let mother in law in first and keep quiet about it.

Princessz

As far as the order everyone sees the baby in, I think it’s a really bad idea to get your children into the mindset of categorising people like this. I get it but it’s not a good way to live. Teach them and show them that love doesn’t rank it welcomes. Perhaps that’s what this new baby will bring to your lives

This. I really can't remember who met my dd2 first after dh and I, it wasn't dd1 as she was being cared for elsewhere. It wouldn't have occurred to me to prioritise anybody. What on earth difference can it make? There wasn't a video or camera running either. You can't 'make memories'. They make themselves.