To feel siblings should get priority visiting new baby

[stargazing85]

AIBU to want my dc to meet their new brother/sister before the rest of the family? My dc will be cared for by my mum when I'm in hospital. I've asked her if she can bring them up to the hospital the day after I have the baby (we are not having visitors the day of the birth) and DH will meet her downstairs and bring dc up to see me for a few minutes before my mum comes up. This is what I did last time and I enjoyed the experience. The problem I have is my mum has to wait till ds finishes school before she can come up which will probably be nearer 3pm before she gets in and dhs mum wants to visit before that time at 2pm when visiting hours begin as she has plans she doesn't want (nor do I expect her) to change. DHs mum could easily come up the day after if she wanted as I know I will be kept in for at least 3 days if not 4. I've always felt siblings should be the next family members to meet the new baby and DH has always agreed with me but now I feel he is wavering a bit because his mum wants to visit first the day after so she can leave earlier to attend her other plans. AIBU to feel strongly about this and stick to my plans?

Ridiculous and doesn’t matter.

I don't understand why your kids can't be the focus of your attention if your mother and/or mil is in the room? Surely your kids and your mothers are the most important people in your life - I don't understand this 'ranking' stuff. It is an important message to children that love expands to incorporate everyone in the family.

When my third was born though I went in on the Sunday and didn't even see my 18m old until Thursday. He ignored me and his little sister, got bored and legged it out of my room! DH ran after him with newborn in his arms and set ths alarms off chasing him through the security barrier.

8 months on, the boys adore each other and always have. They have an amazing bond, I’ve never had to worry about the older one poking baby in the eye etc. I think part of it is to do with how we handled things in the beginning

Mine are 5 and 3 and still have the most amazing bond. They’re best friends, share a room by choice and have never been violent in any way towards each other.
DD1 met DD2 at the same time as DM, DF, DF’s partner, MIL and FIL

When did this become a thing, apologies if someone has already explained how this bizarre who meets the baby first thing came about.
I've had 4, people came in when it was visiting time. Never once did I expect the older siblings to 'view' the new baby first. And my mum was looking after the older ones so she came in with them when they visited.

Honestly sometimes it feels like I live in a different world to others in mn.

@SoyDora
Fair point xx

This is so bonkers 😂 neither baby or other kids will care who had ‘priority’.

And not to put a downer on the thread, but as someone whose baby had to be resuscitated at birth it seems utterly bizarre to me that someone would care about something so insignificant.

I never get the "who meets baby first" threads. The doctor or midwife is the one to see and touch the baby even before the mother has!

I would have thought it much nicer for grandma to stand back and see the siblings meet your baby for the first time. As for a pecking order. I don’t get this at all. The question I would be asking myself is “Will I up to multiple visitors?” If you’ve had a c section you will obviously be tired. On that basis staggering visits would be a good idea. Your children being the most important ones shouldn’t have to wait and you should save energy to greet them. However if you know / think you’ll be fine it’s very unfair to make your mil to stay away based on hierarchy.

What does it matter ? Should everyone take a ticket so they see the baby in the correct order ? Do stop micro managing every single thing or you'll drive yourself up the wall.

FFS, DD was in a different city when DS2 was born. Don't be so precious.

Bit ungrateful in the circumstances.

Going against the tide here, YANBU. It matters to you, it matters to MIL, it's your baby, do it your way.

Agree your mum is doing a lot but if she feels fine with it - I love her 'have a cup of coffee in peace' - where's the problem? We can't always explain out feelings, but do this if it's important to you. Not hurting anyone else.

MIL can change her plans if it's so important to her, or merely wait til next day.

Your memories come first.

Haven't read the entire thread but why no visitors on day of birth? I couldnt wait to show my babies off.

Well done everyone, way to pile in and be nasty to someone who is just about to give birth. Glad to know how laid back and cool you all are, and what fantastic relationships you have with your families. Very relevant to the OP, I'm sure.

Teach them and show them that love doesn’t rank it welcomes. Perhaps that’s what this new baby will bring to your lives.

THIS!! ^^ seriously, you will have so much more going on than worrying about who saw a small baby first!

What are people's first memories of being introduced to a younger sibling? Did you know the 'order'? I remember being introduced to my brother in 1960. The bed smelt of tea and I wanted to get away to play with my new monkey on a stick! Hopefully my parents hadn't engineered that Disney moment as it didn't work!

Another thing, mothers of boys - you could be the mil in 30 years time so glimpse the future when making the order of procession.

Lastly, I have no idea who saw my three dds first/last/never and I hope no one was offended as we hadn't given it a thought.

When did this become a thing, apologies if someone has already explained how this bizarre who meets the baby first thing came about

I wondered that, but I suspect it started when every aspect of your life has to be recorded on camera or it didn't happen.

Fuck me some of you lot are mean. If the mum doesn't mind (and mine wouldn't, and nor would MIL) then it isn't anyone elses business. There is such a competitive laissez-faire , I don't care attitude around here sometimes. It mattered hugely to my kids coming to see their new brother. They loved seeing him when he was hours old, and meeting him first. My daughter has a photo on her wall of meeting our middle son at hours old when she was tiny.

Nothisispatrick both of my babies were resuscitated at birth. It still mattered to me how DS1 was introduced to his baby brother.

I sort of get it. I think it would have been important to my DC1 not to feel sidelined in the new baby stuff (as he was already feeling quite sensitive about it all) and therefore it would've been important to me to be all 'look at you, meeting your new baby sister before everyone else' blah blah. BUT imo it would have been fine for DM to come up at the same time - big difference between 'meeting baby after everyone else' and 'meeting baby at the same time as everyone else'. (In fact DC1 here did meet DC2 at exactly the same time as my mum and sister, as all three were at the birth! Some people's nightmare but perfect for me.)

For the same reason Id probably lie and not mention MIL visiting before school finished.

Assuming family are all ok, I think the growing trend of pushing away extended family is quite sad. My babies are precious to lots of people - lucky them, and lucky me.

And not to put a downer on the thread, but as someone whose baby had to be resuscitated at birth it seems utterly bizarre to me that someone would care about something so insignificant.

This is so true. I know too many people who had babies that died at or just after birth. Giving birth is hopefully about ending up with a mother and child who are still alive. Bonus points if neither is too damaged. My SIL had a horrific birth and couldn't walk for 15 days afterwards and my nephew had been without oxygen for two minutes. We are so grateful that they both recovered well. I have no idea who saw the baby first. I doubt that my SIL remembers. She certainly didn't care who was present when I visited her two days later, she was in a lot of pain.

My mum and dad brought DS to meet DD when she was born - it was actually really good having them meet her at the same time because it meant there was someone to fuss over DD while DH and I made a fuss over DS (who was 2).

As it happens, I have absolutely no recollection of meeting my sister (I was 2 when she was born), but remember going with our gran and grandad to meet our brother when he was born when I was 7. Can't say we were bothered that we weren't alone at that time.

Yeah I think its a bit weird and likely wont make any difference at all to anything for the siblings to meet the child first. Whats the thinking behind it?

The order in which people get to see the child is quite irrelevant really. So if DH's Mum is allowed to see the on the second day, I dont see why you are making her wait until after your kids. Seems controlling and will cause issues for no benefit.

It was lovely seeing my DGC reaction at meeting their new baby sister.

I'd had them overnight and my DS and DiL certainly didn't feel the need to keep me hanging about until the 'special moment' was over.

We all went in, they kissed their mum, met their sister and then had a cuddle.

I could then talk to the mum, coo over the baby, have a quick cuddle and take the kids off to school leaving DS, DDiL and DGD to continue 'bonding'.

All fine, no trauma.