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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:
Alfie190 · 09/11/2018 14:49

YANBU. Has he explained why it is such a pain?

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 09/11/2018 14:51

YANBU. Long distance relationships are very tricky (speaking from experience). This might be a bad sign!

ErickBroch · 09/11/2018 14:53

YANBU, he's a twat. Only acceptable if he had a valid reason.

sossages · 09/11/2018 14:53

If someone was travelling from another continent to see me I'm pretty sure I would make the effort to meet them at the airport it was only a half hour drive away! Doubly so if it was my partner who I hadn't seen for a month.

ThePinkOcelot · 09/11/2018 14:55

I don’t think that bodes well for the future. The lazy bastard!

Singlenotsingle · 09/11/2018 14:57

Presumably he's going to pay for the taxi? Ask him to pre-order it and pay over the phone

Original poster
ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:57

He just said the traffic is always horrendous and he doesn't think the parking is easy either

OP posts:
KC225 · 09/11/2018 14:57

A distinct lack of effort on his part. Use sossages first sentence and your last paragraph.

Copperbonnet · 09/11/2018 14:57

I live in the USA and have lots of visitors from the U.K.

Every single one has been picked up at the airport and it’s a longer than you’ve described.

Why doesn’t he get a taxi to the airport to meet you if he doesn’t want to drive home?

Celebelly · 09/11/2018 14:59

Yes, I'd be upset by this. My DP and I were LD for a year, although only to the extent of opposite ends of the UK. We always picked each other up from the airport and wouldn't have occurred to us not to, even when we had to leave the house at 4am so one of us could make a v early flight home.

Purpleartichoke · 09/11/2018 15:00

DH and I started our relationship long distance. Our schedules meant I mostly flew to him. He always picked me up at the airport and he always drove me back.

Purpleartichoke · 09/11/2018 15:01

Oh and my flights were awful times. I would arrive late Thursday night and then have to be at the airport at 5am on Monday. The airport was an hour from his house.

MojoMoon · 09/11/2018 15:01

It probably is more annoying to have to meet, walk quite a distance to where the expensive short term parking is, pay the ticket, get the car and drive back.
The taxis are right there in front of you when you come out. There will be a queue Marshall, you tell them the destination, they give you a ticket and the taxi pulls up and you give them the ticket, it's easy and we'll organised. No need to book

So on its own, it seems fine to me.
But is this symptomatic of a wider problem?

happypoobum · 09/11/2018 15:02

Get him to pick you up in a taxi then. I don't think this bodes well.

Any other niggles?

Original poster
ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 15:02

And nope I think I have to fund the taxi as he said 'does it make a difference if you Uber or not? Is it because you don't want to spend the money?' (30 dollars).
I'm just really upset that we are even having this conversation to be honest! I said I think it's common courtesy to pick up a visitor from the airport and he just said 'I would be happy to get a cab and save you the journey if it was the other way round but if you really want me to I will'

OP posts:
bluebird3 · 09/11/2018 15:02

NYC traffic and parking is a nightmare so I don't think HIBU with that. But he should still come meet you at the airport when you arrive and then you can take the taxi back to his together.

Ellisandra · 09/11/2018 15:03

Lone voice Blush
Wouldn’t bother me.
There are probably taxi lanes? And parking time / cost could be a lot.
Also you want to get there for the plane landing and it could be delayed, or takes ages for bags, so there’s waiting around. And you have to walk over to the car park.
I’d like the luxury of jumping straight into a cab! 🚕
But - I fly a lot for work, so not bothered about foreign countries, getting taxis.

I’d dump a boyfriend who actually refused to come and get me - but I’d actually probably be the one offering to get a cab!

category12 · 09/11/2018 15:06

Is this unusual or is he normally lazy/inconsiderate of you? Have you previously given him a pass on not making much of an effort for you?

Xocaraic · 09/11/2018 15:07

Could it be the maze of freeways between his home in NY and say JFK is off putting to him? Is he a mediocre driver in the US? Maybe he wants to get things spik and span for your arrival and asking you to take a cab buys him time to get things ready for your arrival?
I'm sure he is not suggesting it lightly. Give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him, like a grown up would.

HollowTalk · 09/11/2018 15:09

He's gone off the boil, hasn't he? Usually that's part of the fun of meeting up. He's being completely lazy and he's not bothered about seeing you just as soon as he can.

Does this tie in with how he was beforehand?

CocoCharlie83 · 09/11/2018 15:12

YANBU. If he suggested you get a taxi but you asked him to pick you up then he should pick you up and not give you attitude about it.

Slytherdor · 09/11/2018 15:12

To me this isn’t necessarily a big deal unless you have set a precedent- which you have, by picking him up at 6am. Have you reminded him you did this? What did he have to say to that? No argument surely!

SofiaAmes · 09/11/2018 15:12

Pretty normal not to pick someone up from the NYC airports. But he should be meeting you in this case because you are in a long distance relationship. If driving is difficult then he should catch an Uber.

summacummamumma · 09/11/2018 15:13

When I was doing long distance with my husband for two year he picked me up from the airport everytime with a bunch of flowers. I would not be happy with that at all OP...

knittingdad · 09/11/2018 15:13

If he wanted to see you as soon as possible then if driving was such a pain he would take a taxi to meet you at the airport.

He hasn't seen you in a month and he isn't excited enough to be there to meet you when you enter the arrivals lounge.

That is not very promising.

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