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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:
penisbeakers · 09/11/2018 17:14

That would bother me. You just flew thousands of miles to be with him and he can't be arsed to pick you up? Fuck that noise, and cabs are expensive there. I'd not see this as a good sign.

mindutopia · 09/11/2018 17:16

My dh and I were long distance for several years between the US and UK when we were dating. We always met each other at the airport and dropped each other off. But that said, I used to live in New York (not when with my dh though) and there is no way in hell I would have driven to JFK to pick anyone up. New Yorkers just really don’t do that. It’s a nightmare.

But as long as it’s outside work hours for him, I would expect him to get a taxi/uber or take the train to meet you.

peachgreen · 09/11/2018 17:19

It's NYC. He'd be mad to drive to the airport tbh, regardless of how excited he is to see you! I'm a total romantic bit this wouldn't bother me at all.

user1484 · 09/11/2018 17:21

I’ve lived in NY and he would face either a horrific drive or up to an hour in a packed train. I can tell you the thought of going to the airport on a round trip would horrify most people in the city.
I’m now back in the UK and when I get visitors, I go to pick them up by tube, but I hate it, it’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.
I do it because of the language barrier.
It wouldn’t bother me the slightest, but like others have asked, is this how he has always been in the relationship?
I must say I’m not a romantic person whatsoever, so you should judge his actions according to how they affect you.

OMGFFS · 09/11/2018 17:21

Parking and traffic in JFK airport was actually the worst I’ve ever seen.

Get a uber and make him pay :)

Jungster · 09/11/2018 17:23

That's a real turn off

vandrew4 · 09/11/2018 17:25

Honestly wouldn't bother me. I should imagine traffic / parking at JFK is a nightmare. You'll get to his place a lot quicker jumping in a taxi than him collecting you

Jacksback · 09/11/2018 17:25

JFK is mad busy he is not being unreasonable
Get a cab
But if he shows other signs of cooling off then I would be rethinking this relationship

daisy877 · 09/11/2018 17:25

@ClassicSuspect I take it you've never been to new York 😂 the traffic is bloody horrendous I sat in an unmoving car got 30 minutes. YABU just get a taxi it will save him a hell of a lot of stress when he sees you

WatchThisThread · 09/11/2018 17:26

Ellsandra I travel a lot too and my first reaction was oh whats wrong with a cab?

But, they are dirty and smelly and it would be nice to have someone waiting for you with a bunch of flowers, a big smile and a hug when you've just come off a long flight and fought your way through immigration.

So YANBU, on reflection.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 09/11/2018 17:27

Would never expect anyone to pick me up from JFK! So much easier to jump in a cab.

CitrusFruit9 · 09/11/2018 17:27

I would cancel my flight personally. If you have paid out for tickets and travelled all that way (and let's face it flying is dull and uncomfortable) the least he could do is be bothered to meet you.

He could get the train out to JFK and come back in a taxi with you, but he can't be arsed to do that. Speaks volumes!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 17:32

I would cancel my flight personally

Holy fuck. Talk about dramatics. Have you ignored every single poster that has said parking at JFK is absolute hell?

JaiNotJay · 09/11/2018 17:34

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I probably wouldn't even have suggested that he met me at the airport. I went to visit my sister in Australia and got a taxi to hers to save her coming out to the airport at stupid o'clock in the morning!

Davespecifico · 09/11/2018 17:35

He could offer to pay for the taxi. I expect he won't.

Moreisnnogedag · 09/11/2018 17:38

Seriously Citrus?! You would break off a three year relationship because your partner didn’t jump at the idea of picking you up from an airport with horrendous parking and traffic? You’d ignore the fact that apart from that one thing he’s planned and thought about the rest of the trip??

OP how is your dp in traffic? I abhor traffic jams and I think my DH would rather walk than be forced to sit in a car with me in a traffic jam. Especially if I’d been stuck in a traffic jam before arrival too. Your idea of this wonderful romantic meeting actually may just end up with you two sniping at each other.

1ndig0 · 09/11/2018 17:41

“Talk about dramatics. Have you ignored every single poster that has said parking at JFK is absolute hell?”

But the point is, he doesn’t have to drive or park anywhere. He can get an Uber himself to the airport and meet her like any normal boyfriend would do in the circumstances. Outrageous to expect her to get herself to him in an unfamiliar city after a flight. Who does that?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 17:44

Outrageous to expect her to get herself to him in an unfamiliar city after a flight. Who does that?

It so isn't. The OP is an able bodied woman that has taken the flight to NYC all by her self, I'm sure she can managed to find her way out of the airport to the taxi rank!

SmallBlondeMama · 09/11/2018 17:45

He sounds lazy, selfish and un-romantic. I can kinda see his point but he should be bending over backwards to see you after being apart. I'm going to ask my husband what he thinks about his tonight and report back. He's not super romantic at all but even he would pick me up at the airport (probably bc he'd be afraid of me getting lost somehow).

Gabilan · 09/11/2018 17:47

It would vary a lot for me. London or New York airports? Do not drive to them. Bloody nightmare, just adds to everyone's traffic problems. The environmental damage from the flight is bad, why add to it? And it's not like there's a language problem or a cultural one, a cab would be easy (if costly and if I'd paid for the flight that would annoy me a bit).

Somewhere like Paris I'd prefer to be met from public transport. I can do those journeys on my own but would rather have a bit of help in a strange, large city where I'm not that great at the language.

Small, regional UK airport a half hour drive from the BF's house? Fucking well make the effort to pick me up. This was one I learned the difficult way with an ex who could not be bothered to collect me under these circumstances. In that case it was part of a bigger picture of not really caring about me or the relationship but I didn't see that until too late.

So I'd say generally if he's caring and has a lot planned (which he apparently has) don't worry about it. It's not a good place to be driving. If it's part of a bigger picture of not being all that fussed about spending time with you, that's rather different.

Sirzy · 09/11/2018 17:47

I am amazed the amount of people suggesting spending more money on a taxi just so he can stand and wait for her and then sit in a taxi back! What a waste of money!

1ndig0 · 09/11/2018 17:49

Yes I’m sure she can find her way to a taxi rank, but again, this is not the point.

If I was going to stay with family or random persons I would insist in getting a cab, but this is her boyfriend and he should want to pick her up. End of. If he doesn’t, why bother going at all?

EmGee · 09/11/2018 17:50

He is not being unreasonable in not wanting to drive to collect you. However he could easily take public transport/a cab to the airport to meet you in Arrivals. Then you would feel like he was making an effort/was excited to see you. I can understand why you are feeling upset. If he had explained the traffic/driving situation and then said 'but I'll come in on public transport to meet you and we'll get a cab back together' would you feel the same?

DH and I were LDR before we married and I flew to Paris every month to see him. Because getting to CDG is a nightmare anyway but especially on a Friday evening, he would drive home and then take public transport to the airport to meet me. I think one time I met him in town - for some reason we agreed in advance it was the easiest option - my flight was delayed or he had a meeting that finished late, I don't recall which.

Bellabonkers · 09/11/2018 17:51

I'd get the cab this time. See how bad the traffic is and assess in your own mind if it's as bad as he says.
The bit about him commenting on the cab fare would annoy me more.
Don't make a rash judgement just yet. Maybe draw up your barriers slightly though

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 17:54

1ndig0 what is so important about your partner being there so much that if he didn't there would be no point in going?

Him not being there defines nothing in your relationship.