Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:

HashtagTeamRaven · 09/11/2018 15:35

I'm in a long distance relationship with my partner who is flying to visit me in 2 weeks.

I am taking a 4 hour train at 2 in the morning in order to meet him in the city he arrives in.

YANBU!!

ghostlygal · 09/11/2018 15:36

From what I remember of JFK airport, traffic is a nightmare and he might not be that confident driving on US roads. I would be terrified.

I don't think it's a big deal. Especially if he's gone to the effort of planning your whole trip.

diddl · 09/11/2018 15:36

If he doesn't want to drive & a taxi both ways is too much, he could get public transport there & taxi back together?

That said, he's not thought of it so that must hurt.

pyramidbutterflyfish · 09/11/2018 15:37

FFS just get a cab. I don’t think it’s a sign of affection to waste people’s time, and he’s right about traffic & parking.

showmethegin · 09/11/2018 15:39

It wouldn't bother me but if you're in a relationship why don't you just talk to him! Just say 'if might be a bit of a pain to you but I like it, I think it's quite romantic being picked up at the airport; I'm excited to see you!'

I do loads of things for my DP that mean bugger all to me but he likes them and vice versa. It doesn't mean we have to agree on everything but we understand what each other likes and we've learnt that by talking to each other about it!

If he's not willing to put himself out much for you it's probably not a good sign but if he doesn't know it's important to you because you didn't tell him he doesn't stand a chance.

Sorry that was long, hope you have a fab trip!

SassitudeandSparkle · 09/11/2018 15:40

The traffic is a bit challenging there tbh, so I would also get a cab (and the taxi marshalls I saw were very entertaining and forthright with their opinions about the parking) but he could come and meet you at the airport.

However, if you have built this up in your head that he'd be there greeting you at arrivals film-style then I can see you would be disappointed.

adaline · 09/11/2018 15:40

If he doesn't want to drive, he can get the train or bus or a cab himself. NYC is hardly short of transport options!

DaffoDeffo · 09/11/2018 15:40

JFK is an absolute nightmare for traffic and parking and cabs are easy there. Heathrow is far easier traffic and parking wise tbh. There is something about British order of things that is just not present in a lot of countries abroad

I would be a bit miffed especially if you made the effort to get him here but as he's done all the planning for the trip, I really think you shouldn't make a big thing out of it and should just focus on enjoying your time with him.

Lordamighty · 09/11/2018 15:41

It would be so much easier just to get a cab to his place. The traffic around JFK is a nightmare & he may not be confident enough driving over there. I would treat him the same when comes over here though, taxi to & from the airport.

fanfan18 · 09/11/2018 15:42

Just walk outside, get a cab and meet him at his!

JFK traffic is crap! Taxi's are so easy and not that expensive. At least then he won't be stressed from a day working and then rushing to get you and then sitting in traffic together to get back to his.

HiHoToffee · 09/11/2018 15:42

I can understand his logic but it just doesn't sound very nice and I would be disappointed too.

Slytherdor · 09/11/2018 15:43

Bit of a dismissive answer but fine!

I wouldn’t consider it a deal breaker but I would draw a line under ever picking him from the airport again, and reserve the line ‘it’s a pain to get to’ if he asks why.

LovingLiving · 09/11/2018 15:43

If the traffic really is a nightmare and it’s difficult to park then I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

I would hate to have to pick someone up from Heathrow for example no matter how much I was looking forward to seeing them.

AdoreTheBeach · 09/11/2018 15:45

I was in a LDR with my husband (then boyfriend), UK and USA (NYC). He collected me when I visited (and he didn’t have a car) and I collected him when he visited me. We couldn’t wait to see each other. There’s nothing like the person you love and who loves you waiting for you when you walk into arrivals. Also didnfung every last minute together and walking to departures together to kiss goodbye. This was over a 3 year duration too.

For you, this is a sign for sure that your DP can’t be bothered to come meet you at the airport. If he can’t be bothered, why go?

poppyseed2 · 09/11/2018 15:47

He is right about traffic and parking, not to mention the unpredictable immigration lines mean he could be waiting around for over an hour.

DH and I had that commute to see each other for 3 years, and always just cabbed it from the airport. Having said that, both of us did the same, and neither of us were particularly bothered about being met at the airport. If DH had of said it was important to him I would have done it, and vice versa.

Mix56 · 09/11/2018 15:47

Agreed the traffic is miserable at JFK.
I say, choose your battles. if he has organized various activities. He is making an effort but doesn't want to waste stressful hours in traffic jams... You will have a great time, relax.

chocatoo · 09/11/2018 15:50

I wouldn’t have a row about it now. Don’t mention again and gauge his reactions when you arrive tired in the taxi. I would pick my moment to bring it up to ensure he realises he’s not in the good books but I think that needs to be face to face.

Cherries101 · 09/11/2018 15:50

I would have expected him to meet you at the airport using public transport, even if he doesn’t drive. It’s the bare minimum you do for a romantic partner who is visiting you.

JanetLovesJason · 09/11/2018 15:52

He wouldn’t have to met me at the airport. Because I would stay at home.

halfwitpicker · 09/11/2018 15:53

It's just a bit blah isn't it

Frazzled2207 · 09/11/2018 15:54

It's a bit shitty but I'm sure the traffic to/from jfk is a nightmare and picking people up at airports is always awkward because regardless of when the plane lands you could still be waiting for them for ages (or not) due to US immigration wait

Butterymuffin · 09/11/2018 15:56

I would draw a line under ever picking him from the airport again, and reserve the line ‘it’s a pain to get to’ if he asks why

This! It does very much say 'can't be arsed'

Chouetted · 09/11/2018 15:59

It wouldn't bother me much - to be honest, I'd be more likely to make the effort for someone I didn't know very well, as some people couldn't find their way out of a paper bag, never mind a strange airport.

I think you're making too much of a meal of it. He's said he'll do it if it really matters to you - tell him it does!

Sirzy · 09/11/2018 15:59

I’m joining the minority. Sometimes the romantic answer just isn’t the most sensible or practical!

NatureIs · 09/11/2018 16:01

I wouldn't be bothered about this if he's made effort elsewhere and you've said he's planned the itinerary. Perhaps there's a surprise at his place that he can't leave?! I would see how it goes & not write it off before you get there. If he can't be arsed once you're there, you have your answer. Hope you have fun!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread