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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 16:20

I've said no to DH when he's asked to be picked up from the airport quite a few times, just because it didn't suit me and yes sometimes because of the traffic are that particular time. He has done the same to me too. Although when he said no it was a particularly crap time of night.

No biggie, we just got a taxi.

willitbe · 09/11/2018 16:24

I would be thinking, yes that is a good plan rather than why are you not bothered. I would hope that the time saved on him coming to meet me, would be utilised making sure that my welcome at his place was amazing. I never expected to be met at the airport, if it happened occasionally that was great, but the meeting at the house was more important. I never felt I needed to be met at the airport to have love proved!

LDR are difficult, but also they can help with refining communication. He has communicated a request and is seeing how you feel about it, but you feel put out and that he can't be arsed.... perhaps this is the case, or maybe it is not... but you are being unreasonable to expect him not to ask in this situation. If you feel you need him to somehow demonstrate his passion by turning up, then you need to explain this to him.

BritInUS1 · 09/11/2018 16:25

I don't see what all the fuss is about honestly. My OH worked overseas for a while and he never met me at the airport. It was much easier for me to just jump in a cab and meet him at his apartment.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/11/2018 16:28

My DH drove 180 miles (360 round trip) to pick me up at the nearest airport and then did the same to drop me off a week later. I don't think it's too much to ask for your BF to brave some traffic! I don't think it's unreasonable not to park and come into the terminal, but the least he could do is pick you up curbside in the 'kiss and go' area. We live 40 minutes from our local airport and use a flight tracker to watch for people. We know that if we leave when it shows 'on approach' we're usually right in the ball park for them to be curbside when we get there.

Now that security bans you from going to the gate to welcome/see off, some airports have 'cell phone lots' offsite where you can park for free. Your arrival calls you when they get done with baggage claim/customs, then can wait for you to pick them up curbside in the 'kiss and go' lane. Not sure if that's a thing with JFK, but I'm sure a rendezvous could be planned.

If you want a 'compromise', how about he picks you up 'incoming' and you take a taxi 'homebound' or vice versa.

Branleuse · 09/11/2018 16:32

id be pissed off that he had even suggested this, as its symbolic IMO, but on the other hand, if he has organised other nice things then doesnt sound like its part of a bigger picture of lack of effort.
why dont you suggest he gets a cab to the airport and meets you that way and then you get the cab back together if hes worried about parking

QueSera · 09/11/2018 16:33

I'm sorry OP - this would make me incredibly sad. I would feel that he is not excited to see me at the earliest opportunity, after having been apart for ages. I was in a long-term relationship like this years ago, and in hindsight I see the whole thing as a massive waste of my time, and wish I had ended it early on, not wasted years of my life on someone who did not seem very interested in me. I met someone since who would do anything to spend all his time with me - it's a lovely change. Good luck.x

Hillarious · 09/11/2018 16:33

Anyone seen "When Harry met Sally"?

MyCakeFellOnTheGrass · 09/11/2018 16:37

Sounds like you are a side chick.

Alfie190 · 09/11/2018 16:37

It isn't always easy to get a cab at JFK, if it is a holiday it can be an absolute nightmare and looks like OP is flying over around Thanksgiving time. I once arrived at night on a holiday and the taxi queue was miles long, I would conservatively estimate it would have been three or four hours. This was pre take off of Uber, maybe things have changed now.

I think at very least, the BF needs to take public transport to the airport.

ILoveAutum · 09/11/2018 16:39

Some posters clearly haven’t been to JFK.

I’m sorry you feel upset by it, but honestly, I’d NEVER get anyone to pick me up from there. The traffic is a complete nightmare.

Getting a cab outside is SO easy, you don’t need one pre-ordered.

See how the rest of your time together is before making any ‘he’s gone off me’ assumptions.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 16:41

If the traffic is that bad and I would think he's got a point here then he has a point for you to just jump in a cab. No need for all the " he's not into you " posts.

1ndig0 · 09/11/2018 16:47

Even if the traffic / parking is horrendous, he should get a cab to the airport and meet OP and then they can get another one to wherever they’re going.

OP I would be absolutely livid at this and I regret to say don’t think I would go.

PinkLady01 · 09/11/2018 16:49

Tbf New York is a pain but he should get a cab to you rather than expect you to just turn up at his

littlebillie · 09/11/2018 16:52

It's a really horrible journey into a very dodgy area of NY I would be happier to take a cab to get to him, you don't want your first hour stressed in traffic together. Get a cab it is the 21st century

Ohyesiam · 09/11/2018 16:53

Hi op.
My partner and I started out in a LDR. One end of the U.K. to the other, so a long drive.
I used to do this thing where as I drove up I would look at my expectations, and let go of them one by one. Ouch, but It really stood me in good stead.

I really get that meeting you at the airport is symbolic for you,of course.but it may just symbolise hassle/ more time off work/ anxiety about unfamiliar journey etc to him.

Go and carefully watch, you will feel if he is withdrawing from you or if he still feels close to you, it really may not come from a lack of love or desire on his part. Just difference.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like he has put himself out for you over this trip with the planning he’s done.

Hope you get all you want from this trip and beyond.

BedraggledBlitz · 09/11/2018 16:55

I'm a nervous driver. And I hate parking. Add in driving on the wrong side of the road...I get why he has suggested it.

Davespecifico · 09/11/2018 16:56

He's offering g a logical suggestion but if he was really really excited to see you, logc would be out if the window.
Update us about how the trip goes. I'd be interested to hear how it went.

Davespecifico · 09/11/2018 17:00

Also it's the way he put it to you. If he was desperately excited to see you but felt it best that you take the cab, he would be apologetic. He'd offer to make it up to you that evening. Instead, he just seems to be stating the logical facts as if they're all that matter.

derxa · 09/11/2018 17:00

I would hate someone to pick me up from an airport in these circumstances. A taxi every time.

HungryForSnacks · 09/11/2018 17:01

I picked a friend up from Heathrow recently and it was such a clusterfuck. I'm considering telling all future visitors to get a taxi! I imagine JFK is just as bad, if not worse, therefore I don't think he's BU.

Having said that, I'm not much of a romantic and can be too practical at times. I can understand why you'd be disappointed.

bubbles108 · 09/11/2018 17:03

I'd PREFER to be met at the airport but I see your DPs POV.

It's not hugely romantic but as long as he's stepping up and making your visit really enjoyable then I think I'd leave it and let it be

corbynistasister · 09/11/2018 17:11

Is it because you don't want to spend the money?

what a prick!

BlitheringIdiots · 09/11/2018 17:11

I would get a taxi.

chchchchanger · 09/11/2018 17:11

Hmmm, not read all the replies, but the traffic around New York's airports is horrendous. Awful. I can understand why he might not fancy it. But, in your shoes I would still feel a little disappointed.

Somersetlady · 09/11/2018 17:13

He is right on all counts of your opening post.

However having sone long distance for ten years there was never a time we werent so excited to see each other that we wouldnt be at the airport waiting to see each other.

Get out now if he cant be bothered to come and collect you from the aorport after a transatlantic flight!!!

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