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AIBU?

Have I been overly harsh on DD?

411 replies

Toebeans · 04/11/2018 21:01

DD 15 has ruined her bedroom carpet with make up. She has asked for new bedroom furniture for Xmas - she would have liked new carpet too but I refused as she will not stop allowing make up brushes, mascara, eye pencils etc from falling on to her carpet where they stay and soak into the carpet.

In order to clear her room of the old furniture it’s been taken into our spare room where I have recently had a NEW carpet. All her make up has been put in the spare room on her old furniture whilst we await the delivery of the new furniture.

This morning I walked in the spare room to find a brow brush caked in brown stuff on the carpet with two large marks on the carpet where it fell or was pressed in.

I went completely ballistic and swept all DD’s makeup off the dressing table into the drawers and taped them up so the make up is now out of bounds until the new furniture comes and is installed in her room. She can only have it back then as if she wants to wreck carpets she can sodding well wreck her own already stained carpets. This will mean around 3 weeks with no make up.

She’s stayed in bed feeling sorry for herself all day but I’ve ignored her - she’s been warned repeatedly about leaving makeup everywhere and the fact she has no respect for the house. This is not the only thing she does, she will drip overfull cups of coffee everywhere, leave dirty wipes over her bed, handprints up her walls - basically no respect for anything.

Have I been unreasonable?

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Lethaldrizzle · 04/11/2018 21:30

It's her room and it's only a feckin carpet

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Believeitornot · 04/11/2018 21:30

I would give her back the make up on the condition that she joins in with household chores. So she can earn back her make up in stages.

Otherwise she won’t actually learn how to be tidy.

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famishedpotato · 04/11/2018 21:30

YABU to give her make-up again before she learns to treat her belongings and surroundings appropriately. Three weeks then allowing her to return to being a slattern is not harsh enough.

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Devillanelle · 04/11/2018 21:30

Its a stain on a carpet, is it really worth making her go out feeling self conscious for 3 weeks? That's not an eye for an eye. Print out a list of jobs around the home and give her the makeup back on the agreement that she will do those jobs every day for x long/forever.

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fashiondevotee · 04/11/2018 21:32

Mmm... I'd let her have a few bits at least. My skin was really bad at 15 and it would've ruined me to have to go out without some foundation/concealer. Other kids are mean.

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PippaRabbit · 04/11/2018 21:33

You’ll get women saying it isn’t but that’s because they don’t understand what it’s like to wear make up every day and have that taken away

You'll then get the posts from people who don't wear make up every day shouting she needs counselling as she hiding behind her make up 🙄 I wear a full face of make up every day and hide behind nothing - I just like makeup as do a lot of 15 year olds.

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Petitepamplemousse · 04/11/2018 21:34

Also screaming at a child like a banshee is a punishment in itself... as would be chores. But removing make up for three weeks is a ridiculously protracted punishment that will be remembered far after the make up incident is over. Relationships are built and can be damaged on things like this. TALK with your daughter.

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Petitepamplemousse · 04/11/2018 21:35

Even if she doesn’t have skin issues, she’ll know she looks ‘different’ to her usual look every day at school and it will make her feel so self-conscious and awkward. Please don’t do it... it’s such a draconian and unhelpful punishment.

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IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/11/2018 21:38

Regardless of your DDs punishment, get the packing tape off the furniture! It will wreck it!!

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Di11y · 04/11/2018 21:38

does she have money to replace the basics? Do you think a professional clean would get it out?

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Gemini69 · 04/11/2018 21:39

Nope.. you're not being unreasonable...

you told her that there would be a consequences to certain actions.. and you followed through.... nothing wrong with that...

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findingmywaytoday · 04/11/2018 21:40

No you're not being unreasonable. As an aside this stuff is great at getting stains out of a carpet www.dr-beckmann.co.uk/product/carpet-stain-remover/

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Greensleeves · 04/11/2018 21:43

Is she very upset about the consequence you've given her? I'm torn on this one. On one hand, I prefer natural consequences like "you can't have make-up in there, because you've repeatedly shown me that you can't manage not to damage the carpets and I can't afford to keep replacing them" rather than arbitrary punishments like taking away phone etc. But if she is self-conscious about her appearance and taking aay her make-up really will devastate her and make her anxious, then it's not right to take it away.

I would probably give myself and her a chance to cool down, then talk to her and offer her a choice - either she loses the make-up, or she agrees to some jobs around the house to demonstrate that she can behave with more maturity and respect towards your home.

I'm currently fucking it up royally with my angry teenager though, so my opinion is probably not worth much.

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Toebeans · 04/11/2018 21:43

She won’t be able to replace her make up - we don’t live near anywhere she can buy it, she’d need a lift from me. She could sneak into my bathroom and use a bit of mine I guess but I don’t think she’d try that. She knows I’ve reached the end of my tether as I cried myself. I think she knows she’s pushed me too far this time.
Trouble is if I repent now then in a few weeks it will all be forgotten and she’ll do it again. She’s been told umpteen tones bfore and she keeps doing it.
As an example this morning I was vacuuming- last night she’d had an ice lolly whilst laying on the floor watching TV. I found the stick pushed up against the skirting board where she’d been laying!!

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Angiemum24 · 04/11/2018 21:45

Hopefully it will teach her not to be so ungreatful.

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WoollyMollyMonkey · 04/11/2018 21:46

I think you’ve been lenient, if it were me the make up would have been thrown in the bin!

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Gemini69 · 04/11/2018 21:47

OP you're doing the right thing.. the lolly stick is sheer laziness... you're daughter will cope fine without makeup for a few weeks... Flowers

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maddjess · 04/11/2018 21:47

Omg!! I think YABU massively.

You taped up her makeup!!

Ffs get a carpet cleaner, and decorate your daughters room with a wooden floor.

Occupational hazard as far as I'm concerned.

Let her know it's not on but to punish her like this!!

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Toebeans · 04/11/2018 21:48

Sorry for the typos I’m sure you know what I mean.
Her and I have a really happy, easygoing relationship and she’s not an angry teen at all - I’ve possibly been too lax with her. I’ve talked to her many times in the past about the messes. She saw me scrub her carpet and do my best to clean it up because I wouldn’t replace it. I do my bloody best to give her everything I can within reason but it’s all a bit easy come easy go with her.

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JoyceTempleSavage · 04/11/2018 21:48

last night she’d had an ice lolly whilst laying on the floor watching TV. I found the stick pushed up against the skirting board where she’d been laying

The horror

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EvaHarknessRose · 04/11/2018 21:48

Hold your ground. I would only budge if she was sincerely apologetic, being proactive in cleaning up her mess, not making any more mess and a few days had gone by. Watch out she doesn’t rip off the packing tape and damage the furniture though.

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Justcallmestep · 04/11/2018 21:49

No not at all. It’s important to learn to look after things. Imagine all of that was in her clothes/jeans she’d be annoyed as they’d be ruined and she couldn’t wear them.

So she should treat her surroundings with a little more respect.

My Dp actually wears fake tan - a guy!! It’s get all over the carpet - freak me out. He does it in the garage now 😂😂

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gobbin · 04/11/2018 21:49

It's her room and it's only a feckin carpet

...in her parents’ house, paid for by her parents.

Thank god I had a boy. The main issue we had was all those stupid little black rubber balls he would trail around the house from his socks after playing football on an astro pitch - arghhh.

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Toebeans · 04/11/2018 21:49

And there’d be no way she could have a wooden floor - she already sounds like she’s about to come through the ceiling!

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JoyceTempleSavage · 04/11/2018 21:50

I got my mascara over my carpet yesterday

I cleaned it off with a stain devil for makeup and then a carpet spray

No tears or confiscations necessary

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