Have I been overly harsh on DD?

[Toebeans]

DD 15 has ruined her bedroom carpet with make up. She has asked for new bedroom furniture for Xmas - she would have liked new carpet too but I refused as she will not stop allowing make up brushes, mascara, eye pencils etc from falling on to her carpet where they stay and soak into the carpet.

In order to clear her room of the old furniture it’s been taken into our spare room where I have recently had a NEW carpet. All her make up has been put in the spare room on her old furniture whilst we await the delivery of the new furniture.

This morning I walked in the spare room to find a brow brush caked in brown stuff on the carpet with two large marks on the carpet where it fell or was pressed in.

I went completely ballistic and swept all DD’s makeup off the dressing table into the drawers and taped them up so the make up is now out of bounds until the new furniture comes and is installed in her room. She can only have it back then as if she wants to wreck carpets she can sodding well wreck her own already stained carpets. This will mean around 3 weeks with no make up.

She’s stayed in bed feeling sorry for herself all day but I’ve ignored her - she’s been warned repeatedly about leaving makeup everywhere and the fact she has no respect for the house. This is not the only thing she does, she will drip overfull cups of coffee everywhere, leave dirty wipes over her bed, handprints up her walls - basically no respect for anything.

Have I been unreasonable?

@Toebeans what's she like with medical stuff in general? My dd with ASD is totally resistant "there's NOTHING wrong with me. I'm the SAME as everyone else!" It's hard work.

So sorry you are having this difficulty at the moment. As far as banning the makeup goes at one level I do not think it is unreasonable provided it will not lead to bullying/ unpleasantness from her peer groups and "friends." - from my own recollection 15 year olds can be a in a league of their own when it comes to belittling each other based on appearance.
As far as the general clumsiness/ messiness and just generally not getting it goes- try asking the school to assess her for dyspraxia. It may well be that she genuinely is doing her best however if she has dyspraxia she may require additional support. Thanks

OP my daughters carpet was the same. She wanted a new carpet. Instead we put down wood flooring! Problem solved!
I still don’t understand how they make such a mess! And don’t get me started on eyebrows and contouring sh**e!!

Definitely needs a wake up call. YANBU. Cut her pocket money so she won't have money to spend on so much makeup. Tell her it's compensation to set against the cost of clearing up her mess and damage to carpets etc.

Maybe slightly unreasonable to take all her makeup away
Leave just the basics until she learns her lesson.

Strong words about respecting things in the home are needed,and perhaps tell your daughter.that you will not buy anymore nice things for her room until things improve, and her room will be stained and untidy until she is 21 ish. Blowing a fuse,and getting yourself agitated is bad for you.

OP I don’t think the issue here is with her using make up and being messy with it, but rather with her not respecting your house enough to clean up any messes/spillages afterwards.

You’re not doing her any favours by not punishing her for her failure to clean up after herself. A fitting punishment would be making her pay for a professional carpet cleaner. Then, to address the problem going forward you need to act less like her cool best friend and more like a mother who instills boundaries and good practices. I would suggest setting up a cleaning rota and making her do everything that do on a rolling basis - so she should be hoovering, sweeping, mopping, dusting etc every few weeks (depending on how many other able bodied people live in the house). Otherwise she won’t learn how.

A few years ago I lived in a houseshare with a 26 year old woman who was very much like your DD. She’d spill make up, food, drink and hair products all over the house and not clean up after herself. We all hated this selfish behaviour so much we ended up asking her to leave after 6 months as we couldn’t stand living in that environment, not to mention our worry about the landlord taking our deposit. Don’t let your DD turn into someone like her who nobody wants to live with!

PS maybe get her to follow Mrs Hinch on instagram - she seems to be making cleaning fun for many people!

I think you have perfectly reasonable. I would actually make her use her pocket money etc to pay for the rental of a carpet cleaner. I remember a while back I bought my daughter a big pack of paper, pens, felt tips etc for drawing and homework etc. I told her not to waste it as she always does. She is only 8. Two days later I found the whole pack of paper had been used, crumpled up, felt tip pens dried up due to not putting lids on. The whole lot ruined or wasted.
She has one of those pre paid go Henry cards, so I marched her down to the shop and made her replace it all with her own money. It came to about £12. She was mortified she had to spend "so much money" on pens and paper! I felt a bit mean at the time, but she has looked after her stuff ever since! It gave her a huge lesson in the cost of things.
But I am a meany!!

I wouldn't take a 15yr olds make up away. I can understand your frustration, though, and why you're cross with her.

What I don't understand is all the posters using the phrase 'she doesn't respect your house...is it not her house too? Children can't go and earn money and find their own house. Sure, as adults, we make a certain amount of rules because we're running everything, but I would never suggest to my DC that the house we live in isn't also theirs as well!

People are so down on teenagers in these threads! They're usually going though a lot of stuff at that age.

Get the recycling rubbish bin and throw that in there as well. Tell her that if she doesn't clean up her room you'll put more in each day and cancel the new furniture etc.
If she continues to drop makeup and make a mess, throw it all away. She will soon learn.