Have I been overly harsh on DD?

[Toebeans]

DD 15 has ruined her bedroom carpet with make up. She has asked for new bedroom furniture for Xmas - she would have liked new carpet too but I refused as she will not stop allowing make up brushes, mascara, eye pencils etc from falling on to her carpet where they stay and soak into the carpet.

In order to clear her room of the old furniture it’s been taken into our spare room where I have recently had a NEW carpet. All her make up has been put in the spare room on her old furniture whilst we await the delivery of the new furniture.

This morning I walked in the spare room to find a brow brush caked in brown stuff on the carpet with two large marks on the carpet where it fell or was pressed in.

I went completely ballistic and swept all DD’s makeup off the dressing table into the drawers and taped them up so the make up is now out of bounds until the new furniture comes and is installed in her room. She can only have it back then as if she wants to wreck carpets she can sodding well wreck her own already stained carpets. This will mean around 3 weeks with no make up.

She’s stayed in bed feeling sorry for herself all day but I’ve ignored her - she’s been warned repeatedly about leaving makeup everywhere and the fact she has no respect for the house. This is not the only thing she does, she will drip overfull cups of coffee everywhere, leave dirty wipes over her bed, handprints up her walls - basically no respect for anything.

Have I been unreasonable?

[TulipsInBloom1]

Nope. Totally and utterly fair. 3 weeks without make up wont kill her.

[TheHobbitMum]

Sounds perfectly ok punishment to me! She has to learn to respect carpets etc and this will show her that there are consequences to being so careless

[drivingmisspotty]

I’m not sure. God, it sounds frustrating! But three weeks without make up. Is she usually very set on wearing make up when she leaves the house?

Maybe a compromise - if she goes out now and buys some kind of heavy duty vanish and does some very intense scrubbing to remove the stain you let her have basic make up back and put a plastic sheet down to catch any spills?

[Oblomov18]

How long has the lack of respect generally been going on? Sounds like it's not new. So why were you ever buying new furniture and carpet for her in the first place? Without addressing the makeup problem before, and the lack of respect generally?

[Toebeans]

She’s a typical 15 year old who uses make up every day. I’m torn between thinking this maybe the lesson she needs to start having a bit of respect for the nice home we work hard for or whether I am in fact being a bit too harsh.
We’ve told her over and over again about being careful but she just drops things whenever and wherever. Food wrappers, dirty underwear, she’ll have mucky hands and just touch walls and doors, walk muck in on her shoes - she either just doesn’t care or actually has some sort of disorder. Nothing works - she’s just oblivious to it all.

[MakeAHouseAHome]

No you are not being unreasonable!! Ban on all make up for a month I would say then a permenant ban on make up going outside of her room and her own stained carpets! Would also not be buying her new furniture to wreck.

[nowifi]

I would have died at 15 if my Mum took my makeup away! But to be fair I wouldn't have put it all over the floor, it sounds like she didn't leave you with much choice!

[Toebeans]

She’s always been mucky and messy, a messy eater etc, not careful carrying things, would leave pens off felt tips etc and they’d be all over the place - just generally not careful with anything. She isn’t having a new carpet - only furniture. She’d used our spare room to store her stuff whilst we decorated and are awaiting her new furniture. That spare room does have a new carpet - and she dropped makeup on that carpet too.

[GunpowderGelatine]

You've done everything very fairly just Make sure you follow it through!

[minivampsmakebloodwork]

Yanbu.

Whilst 3 weeks might be an eternity for the average teenage, it might make her think about what has pushed you to the point where she gets this consequence.

Tbh, knowing what she was like I'm supposed you didn't put plastic sheeting down before moving her in there. But it's done now.

Moving forward, she needs lessons in how to clear up after herself. I assume due to her age she may have a part time job/other access to her own money. Otherwise I'd seriously consider docking any pocket money until the carpet can be cleaned. If it means hiring a professional rather than a rug doctor, so be it. The extension to 3 weeks ban on makeup and then not being able to buy any might make her think twice before letting a mascara brush roll onto the carpet.

[PippaRabbit]

FFS give her a break. Carpets can be cleaned you know. Fair enough, she shouldn't have been careless with make up BUT teenagers are. Put wooden flooring in her room, it's easily cleaned, job done. I chose my battles when mine were growing up and would never have removed make up from my DD's. Oddly enough, they never wear it now they're in their 20s.

[Singlenotsingle]

Not Unreasonable at all. She needs to learn to take care of things.

[AnyFucker]

I have been refusing to refurbish my dd's room since she was 15

It was the wiped mascara around the wall mirror that did it

She is 22 now and the room is still a fucking tip

[Creatureofthenight]

Has she cleaned the spare room carpet?
If she’s that bothered about the make up I would have thought she’d clean the carpet, make a big deal of it and say, ‘Look, I fixed it, can I have my make up back?’
But she does seem disrespectful of your home, perhaps a harsh punishment might make her think twice.

[Toebeans]

I didn’t put plastic sheeting down in the spare room as she wholeheartedly assured me that she no longer dropped a single thing on the floor and that the stains on her carpet were from ‘before’ when she used to be careless. I stupidly believed her.

[Oblomov18]

I make ds's clean their rooms regularly and simply wouldn't allow the dripping of coffee anywhere.
I'm shocked you allow these things.

[Toughtips]

You're definitely not being harsh but you'll get some saying you are.

Shes disrespectful and the only way to teach respect is with boundaries and following through.

Too many kids today dont understand action and consequence because it simply isn't taught.

[Petitepamplemousse]

OP please find another sanction. It’s horrible to punish your DD by making her feel self conscious every day for three weeks. For me at 15 this would have been a torturous punishment. It might seem ridiculous but it would. It’s too far for a 15 year old with fragile self esteem- and most of them do have fragile self esteem.

[Knittedfairies]

Won’t she just buy more make up?

[Toebeans]

Yes I made her clean the carpet, as soon as I saw it this morning, whatever this brow stuff is it doesn’t want to come off the carpet completely though.
I have to say I was like an utter banshee though, after months of telling her off about her own ruined carpet for her to do the same to a new one just pushed me over the edge. I swept the whole bloody lot into the drawers and taped them up with packing tape (knowing my luck the packing tape will now mark the furniture) 🤯

[Santaisgettingbusy]

Maybe via chores - the ones you don't like - she could earn an item at a time back?

[Petitepamplemousse]

You genuinely are being far too harsh. Buy some carpet cleaner or have her clean the house or find a compromise punishment but I think this is far too far. You’ll get women saying it isn’t but that’s because they don’t understand what it’s like to wear make up every day and have that taken away. Don’t do it.

[user1473878824]

I would let her stew for a day, pocket money towards cleaning the carpet, make it up to you by helping with the housework and then she may have her make up ONLY to be applied in the bathroom and clean it up afterwards if there is any mess. Any mess left means make up is straight back in the taped up drawers.

[Iloveacurry]

You’re not being unreasonable. She needs to face the consequences of her actions.

[user1473878824]

Sorry to be clear, not because you’re being too harsh, but that let’s you bollock her, get some help around the house, teach her a lesson, and look incredibly kind and generous.