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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

865 replies

Pompom42 · 04/11/2018 20:19

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

OP posts:

peachypetite · 04/11/2018 20:21

To be fair that is a huge age gap between them

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/11/2018 20:23

Have you not got a dinning room that you can use for a bedroom?

bridgetreilly · 04/11/2018 20:24

You need to explain the reality of your situation. I think it's not unreasonable of her to wish she didn't have to share a room with her sister, but she should be old enough to understand if you tell her why that isn't going to change any time soon.

Cinnamus · 04/11/2018 20:24

Sofa bed for you in the living room and a bedroom for each child?

Cheby · 04/11/2018 20:24

I don’t think she’s spoiled; she just sees that friends have their own rooms and doesn’t understand the concept of budgeting properly yet. Might be a good time to take her through your household budget and show her what you have to spend your money on? Eg food, heating, rent/mortgage etc? so she understands why you can’t afford to move?

Might be worth a gentle reminder that she is in a fortunate position compared to lots of people, but tbh it’s unlikely to fix the general teenaged feeling of ‘life is so unfair’. Everyone feels like that as a teenager, don’t they?

ferntwist · 04/11/2018 20:24

Your home sounds lovely. It definitely sounds like she’s been influenced by the lifestyles of more affluent friends from your naice area. It’s a really tough one this. If she was living in many other countries or a few years ago sharing a room would be what everyone did.

Amylp1989 · 04/11/2018 20:26

Sounds to me like she's a spoilt teenager, won't be until she's an adult she will be grateful that she has a loving family, a warm roof over her head and in a nice area. So I would keep her as she is seen as your LO doesn't sleep in there x

ferntwist · 04/11/2018 20:26

vodkared you’re not serious are you? I think if OP had a spare dining room she might of thought of that solution. I’ve never in my life lived somewhere big enough to have a dining room alas.

Santaisgettingbusy · 04/11/2018 20:26

So for a month you actively reduce her spends.
Tell her you need to save for a new house....
Watch her backtrack.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 04/11/2018 20:26

I think most 13 years olds would find it hard to share with a toddler/preschooler. Obviously it can't be helped but it's understandable she is unhappy.

TheQueenSnortsAvocados · 04/11/2018 20:28

Sofa bed for you in the living room and a bedroom for each child?

Good God, why would you do this?

My sister is 11 years younger than me, and we shared a room at times. Never did us any harm.

Your daughter is 13 - she's allowed to have feelings about it, but the situation is what it is, and she just has to make do.

Original poster

Pompom42 · 04/11/2018 20:29

No dining room.
We have a small table and chairs at one end of the living room.
I'm aware it's a HUGE age gap and maybe I don't understand as I had a brother growing up and we had separate rooms.
From the age of 3-8 she was always asking for a brother or sister so I don't think the sibling isn't wanted as such and they do get on well.
Her sister has half the wardrobe etc for clothes but isn't sleeping in there at present and no toys in there as they are all in the lounge.

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 04/11/2018 20:29

Lots of kids share rooms. It doesn’t mean it’s ideal or that they’ll like it. The replies will be coloured by personal experience.

I shared with my sister who was 9 years younger. It was awful frankly. I had no privacy. No where to do my homework in peace. I’d get home from college and it would be full of 7 year olds.

I don’t think she’s selfish or entitled or expects too much. I think you’re unrealistic about what having two children with a large age gap in a small house is like.

If you can’t split the room then you need to find a way to ensure they can coexist but fast forward to 16 and 6, 18 and 8 - it’s not ideal and I can under her dissatisfaction.

SoyDora · 04/11/2018 20:29

I can see that it would be hard for a 13 year old to share a room with a 3 year old, especially if her friends have their own rooms. It’s a big age gap.
It is what it is though, and she needs to accept that. I think a lot of 13 year olds are ungrateful about some things!

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/11/2018 20:29

it was only a suggestion ffs

Some places do some places dont

crockofcrackers · 04/11/2018 20:30

I don't really think she's U for not wanting to share her room with a 3 year old, it's hard being a teenager and I know I was desperate for my own space at that age.

I would explain to her why this is the case as she's unlikely to fully understand the world of money at her age. And also see if the suggestions by PPs (eg dining room) could help.

Singlenotsingle · 04/11/2018 20:30

I don't suppose her bedroom is big enough to divide in 2?

Hidillyho · 04/11/2018 20:30

I don’t think it’s ‘spoiled teenager’. 13 would be a horrid age to share with anyone, let alone a toddler who I can imagine at times just says things as they are (embarrassing for your 13 y/o or not). I think it’s normal to want your own space as a teenager.
That being said though, you can’t just magic a new house/bigger area so not much you can do about it

MrsStrowman · 04/11/2018 20:30

I recognise it can't be helped but a teen and a toddler sharing a room is not ideal she's at an age where she wants privacy and personal space. The three year old won't be in with you much longer and her stuff will all be in the other bedroom. You need to have an honest chat with her about finances. I funny think she's behaving in a spoilt way, ages just seen that most of her friends don't share rooms and wants her own space, she won't fully understand budget constraints unless you discuss with her

Santaisgettingbusy · 04/11/2018 20:31

My ds's have shared for the past 2 years. Now 14,10+4.

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/11/2018 20:32

Pompom thats a shame, nothing else i could suggest. How big is their bedroom can it be divide.

Original poster

Pompom42 · 04/11/2018 20:32

No vodka no dining room
It has a long narrow hallway, kitchen (galley style) 2 bedrooms and a lounge with a small dining table and chairs at one end

OP posts:

Harpingon · 04/11/2018 20:33

Can you divide the room with a screen to give her some privacy?

CrispbuttyNo1 · 04/11/2018 20:34

“Sofa bed for you in the living room and a bedroom for each child?”

That’s crazy. Why should an adult who pays all the bills be expected to have no privacy? The children will have to share a room, it’s quite normal in many families.

littlebillie · 04/11/2018 20:35

Teenager finding her voice, sometimes they say thing we don't like.

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